It’s not unusual that high conflict people demand an apology from a reasonable person who has attempted to set limits on them, such as a supervisor in a workplace dispute or someone in a neighbor dispute.
While apologies resolve many disputes between reasonable people, they are a much different matter with HCPs and usually need to be avoided. However, don’t be surprised that high conflict people frequently will demand an apology from another party, at times saying that they cannot move forward without such an apology. Sometimes a reasonable person will demand an apology from a high conflict person because of their extreme behavior, also saying that they can’t move forward without it. Many relationships (and mediations) bog down here in the apology quicksand.
Bill and Megan discuss this apology quicksand – how we get there, how to avoid it, and what to do if someone’s demanding an apology from you.
Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
- (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
- (01:37) - Apology Quicksand
- (02:11) - Instant Apology When Blamed
- (08:33) - Processing 'I'm Sorry' as Adversarial
- (10:02) - Alternatives
- (13:04) - The Source of the Apology
- (14:33) - In Mediation
- (20:37) - Between Friends or Family
- (25:41) - What If You're in the Wrong?
- (27:09) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Walking Away
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