In this insightful discussion, relationship coach Rebecca Ore tackles the complexities of relationship OCD and anxiety. She explains how these issues manifest even in seemingly perfect partnerships. Listeners learn to differentiate between genuine concerns and intrusive thoughts. Rebecca emphasizes the power of self-compassion and mindfulness in navigating these challenges, while also addressing anxious attachment styles. With practical strategies and personal anecdotes, she empowers young adults to cultivate healthier relationships and foster emotional security.
Relationship anxiety and OCD manifest as intrusive thoughts that distort genuine feelings about a partner and the relationship itself.
Childhood experiences and societal messages heavily influence relationship anxiety, creating unrealistic expectations and fears of commitment in adulthood.
Practicing self-compassion and open communication can help individuals manage relationship-related challenges and differentiate anxiety-driven doubts from true concerns.
Deep dives
Understanding Relationship Anxiety
Relationship anxiety, including relationship OCD, involves intrusive thoughts and doubts about one's partner and the relationship itself. Individuals may constantly question if their partner is really 'the one' or if their feelings are genuine, which can lead to significant distress. It’s normal to have doubts in relationships; however, for those experiencing relationship anxiety, these doubts become overwhelming and unmanageable. This mental struggle can ruin otherwise positive experiences and create a negative thought spiral, especially for individuals navigating their first long-term relationships.
The Impact of Childhood and Social Conditioning
Childhood experiences and societal messages significantly influence relationship anxiety. Growing up in an environment of instability, such as a tumultuous family dynamic, can lead to a fear of relationships and intense anxiety over commitment. Additionally, societal narratives—like those perpetuated by Disney movies or social media—often dictate how relationships should appear, typically presenting unrealistic standards of love and romance. This conditioning can result in a scarcity mindset, where individuals believe there is only one perfect partner for them, leading to excessive doubt when encountering obstacles in their current relationship.
The Importance of Self-Compassion
Practicing self-compassion is critical for anyone grappling with relationship anxiety or OCD. It’s essential to remember that intrusive thoughts do not define one's character or relationship capabilities; they are merely products of a worried mind. Acknowledging and observing these thoughts without judgment can help diminish their power, allowing individuals to differentiate between anxiety-driven narratives and genuine feelings. Offering kindness to oneself during difficult emotions creates a healthier mindset and fosters resilience in managing relationship-related challenges.
Challenging Expectations in Relationships
Unrealistic expectations about relationships often stem from societal teachings that create pressure to maintain constant happiness. Individuals may believe that any negative feeling signals a problem in their relationship, which can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety. Challenging these beliefs involves recognizing that a healthy relationship encompasses a range of emotions, including boredom and frustration, and that these experiences are normal. Understanding that relationships can and will have ups and downs allows partners to engage more authentically and reduces the tendency to self-sabotage due to irrational fears.
Navigating Doubts and Fear of Commitment
Deciding whether to stay in a relationship when plagued by doubts can be challenging, especially when anxiety generates a compelling urge to escape the situation. It's important to differentiate between anxiety-induced fears and legitimate concerns by assessing the underlying thoughts contributing to these feelings. Taking a break may provide needed clarity, but individuals should also work on re-framing their relationship with their anxiety and self-observation skills. Ultimately, fostering open communication with partners about these experiences encourages deeper understanding and strengthens the relationship.
Even in the most perfect of relationships we can have doubts; even when everything is happy and wonderful, questions can still linger in the back of our mind like 'is this person really right for me, should we break up, should I be feeling this way?' This feeling is a symptom of relationship anxiety or relationship OCD and it can be debilitating.
In today's episode we are joined by the incredible and wise Rebecca Ore to discuss:
What is relationship OCD and why does it occur
How it differs from typical OCD
Anxious attachment & relationship OCD
Which doubts to listen to and which to ignore
How to manage relationship guilt and regret
How to confront an anxious relationship thought + so much more
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.