Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

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Mel Robbins (on the Let Them Theory)

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Nov 12, 2025

Guest

Mel Robbins

Mel Robbins, a best-selling author known for The 5 Second Rule and The Let Them Theory, shares her inspiring journey from struggling in college to becoming a motivational speaker. She discusses the importance of learning to get out of bed when you don’t feel like it and how this simple skill can change lives. Mel introduces her Let Them Theory, encouraging acceptance and personal empowerment in relationships. She also explores the neuroscience behind her Five-Second Rule, which has helped countless people through crises.

02:12:29

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ANECDOTE

Childhood Trauma Shaping Daily Mornings

Mel recounts an unresolved sexual assault from childhood that she repressed and later recognized as trauma.
That event affected her mornings, sleep habits, and lifelong fight-or-flight responses.

insights

INSIGHT

Change Requires Pain To Outweigh Comfort

The brain is wired to move toward what's easy and away from pain, so people change only when staying hurts more.
Major change often begins when current suffering outweighs the cost of action.

insights

INSIGHT

Childhood Misattribution Fuels Lifelong Shame

Children in chaotic homes often attribute caregivers' moods to themselves, forming a lifelong belief 'I did something wrong.'
That misattribution creates patterns of shame and hypervigilance into adulthood.

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Mel's Michigan Roots and Small-Town Upbringing

03:30 • 9min

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College Experience and Early Academic Struggles

12:25 • 4min

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Repressed Childhood Trauma and Its Impact

16:40 • 7min

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Why Humans Avoid Discomfort and Don't Change Easily

23:31 • 3min

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Morning Anxiety, Attribution, and Childhood Safety

26:26 • 9min

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Superstitions, Tics, and Persistent Night Fears

35:35 • 6min

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Hitting Rock Bottom in 2008 and the Spiral into Dysfunction

42:02 • 4min

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What Changed: Learning to Get Out of Bed as a Skill

46:16 • 5min

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The Five-Second Rule: Interrupting Hesitation

51:22 • 4min

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From a TEDx Moment to Global Reach

55:14 • 3min

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Evidence the Technique Helps in Crisis

57:49 • 2min

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Investigating Why the Five-Second Rule Works

59:56 • 6min

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How Action Rewires Identity and Restores Agency

01:05:57 • 9min

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What Is the Let Them Theory?

01:15:05 • 1min

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Prom Trigger: Son's Prom and the Birth of Let Them

01:16:27 • 3min

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Let Them + Let Me: Avoiding Superiority and Loneliness

01:19:18 • 3min

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Using Let Them with Difficult People and Boundaries

01:22:12 • 5min

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Changing Disrespect by Respecting Yourself

01:27:05 • 3min

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Assessing Relationships: Values, Tradeoffs, and Empowered Choice

01:29:48 • 4min

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Personal Growth After Crisis and Rebuilding Identity

01:34:00 • 7min

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From Five-Second Rule to Book and Business

Parenting, Acceptance, and Letting Go

01:54:50 • 6min

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Dating Challenge and Personal Vulnerability

02:00:31 • 7min

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Belonging, Investment, and Relational Expectations

02:07:44 • 4min

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Facts and Trivia: Mountains, Michigan, and Pop Culture

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In this book, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma reshapes both the body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores various treatments, including neurofeedback, meditation, sports, drama, and yoga, which activate the brain’s natural neuroplasticity to aid in recovery. The book emphasizes the power of relationships in both causing and healing trauma and offers hope through descriptions of novel approaches to treatment. It is based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists in the field.

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A Brief History of Humankind

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This book surveys the history of humankind from the Stone Age to the 21st century, focusing on Homo sapiens. It divides human history into four major parts: the Cognitive Revolution, the Agricultural Revolution, the Unification of Humankind, and the Scientific Revolution. Harari argues that Homo sapiens dominate the world due to their unique ability to cooperate in large numbers through beliefs in imagined realities such as gods, nations, money, and human rights. The book also examines the impact of human activities on the global ecosystem and speculates on the future of humanity, including the potential for genetic engineering and non-organic life.

Mel Robbins (The Let Them Theory, The High 5 Habit, The 5 Second Rule) is a podcast host, entrepreneur, and best-selling author. Mel joins the Armchair Expert to discuss feeling every day in college like the only one who couldn’t make it work, how the human brain is wired to avoid what’s hard, and all the attributions kids make growing up in an unsafe environment. Mel and Dax talk about the reason getting out of bed when you don’t feel like it is a skill, why we are one decision away from a different life, and the fact that there’s always an excuse not to do something. Mel explains when she began course correcting her life one five-second interval at a time, the reality that there’s no amount of talking yourself out of what’s meant for you, and The Let Them Theory.

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