In Marry Him, Lori Gottlieb explores the dilemma many women face in reconciling their desire for a husband and family with overly complicated lists of must-haves and deal-breakers. Gottlieb shares her own journey in search of romantic fulfillment, gathering insights from marital researchers, matchmakers, dating coaches, behavioral economists, neuropsychologists, sociologists, couples therapists, divorce lawyers, and clergy. The book emphasizes the importance of focusing on qualities like kindness, values, compatibility, empathy, and communication over superficial traits.
In 'The Paradox of Choice,' Barry Schwartz argues that the abundance of choices in modern Western society, while seemingly beneficial, can actually be detrimental to our psychological and emotional well-being. He explains how the explosion in choices, from mundane decisions like buying jeans to profound challenges like balancing career and family, has paradoxically become a problem rather than a solution. Schwartz synthesizes current research in social sciences to make the counterintuitive case that eliminating choices can reduce stress, anxiety, and busyness. He offers practical steps to limit choices, focus on important ones, and derive greater satisfaction from decision-making. The book also introduces the concepts of 'maximizers' and 'satisficers,' highlighting the differences in their decision-making processes and outcomes.
In 'Maybe You Should Talk to Someone,' Lori Gottlieb presents a dual narrative where she recounts her experiences as a psychotherapist working with various patients and as a patient herself, seeking therapy after a sudden and devastating breakup. The book introduces several patients, including a self-absorbed Hollywood producer, a young newlywed diagnosed with terminal cancer, a senior citizen contemplating ending her life, and a young woman struggling with alcoholism and poor relationship choices. Through these stories, Gottlieb sheds light on the therapeutic process, highlighting the complexities of human emotions, the importance of connection, and the universal quest for meaning and inner reconciliation. The book is known for its candid and humorous approach, offering insights into the human condition and the transformative power of therapy.
Relationships and romance aren't easy, but are you making it harder than it needs to be?
Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and a bestselling author, she is also the co-host of the ‘Dear Therapists’ podcast. Her New York Times bestselling books include, ‘Maybe You Should Talk to Someone’ and ‘Mr Good Enough’.
In this conversation Lori and Steven discuss topics such as, why men should always pay for the date, the best age according to statistics to get married, what women really want in a man, and the simple trick to show what is missing in your relationship.
(00:00) Intro
(01:08) How to Live the Life You Want
(04:06) Lack of Human Connections Leads to Relationship Pressure
(05:21) Why the Majority Aren't Satisfied with Their Relationships
(07:01) The Need to Be Understood
(08:47) Why Men Struggle More Opening Up in the Relationship
(15:34) Setting Unreal Expectations When Looking for a Partner
(18:40) We're Too Picky on Dating Apps
(23:57) High Expectations, Can They Be Lowered?
(27:04) Gender Differences in Dating
(32:44) The Type of People That Seek Bad Partners
(34:11) How to Help Those People
(35:49) Financial Differences in Dating
(41:53) People Are Choosing Not to Have Kids and Get Married
(48:02) What Happens When a Woman Earns More in the Relationship
(50:08) The Big Debate on a First Date
(55:35) Red Flags in First Dates
(58:51) The Age You Marry Is Linked to Divorce Risk
(01:02:32) You Need to Learn to Unknow Yourself
(01:04:35) The Impact of Seeking Approval
(01:11:20) When Your Friends Sabotage You When You Try to Change
(01:19:46) Do Women Express More Emotion Than Men?
(01:21:38) Do Our Dreams Have True Meanings?
(01:24:08) The Safety of Self-Compassion
(01:25:55) The Opposite of Depression Isn't Happiness
(01:28:46) The Grief of Heartbreak and How to Recover
(01:36:53) How to Help Someone Going Through Heartbreak
(01:44:02) Last Guest Question
You can find the link to the graph on age and divorce risk here: https://bit.ly/49KpKrM
You can pre-order Lori’s book, ‘Maybe You Should Talk to Someone’, here: https://amzn.to/43aSMyq
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