Self-Care without Candles: Redefining wellness for parents
Nov 30, 2023
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Psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin critiques the performative and superficial nature of self-care, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and achieving long-term well-being. They discuss redefining wellness beyond spa days and scented candles, and explore the impact of births on marital satisfaction. The chapter also delves into the challenges of breastfeeding and the need to recognize alternative options for nourishing oneself. Additionally, they emphasize the importance of not falling for panic-inducing headlines and analyzing the limited significance of a study on excessive television viewing in young children.
Real self-care involves setting boundaries and prioritizing what brings us true happiness and fulfillment.
Self-care is a personal journey that should be tailored to individual mental health needs and can involve unconventional activities.
Deep dives
Redefining Self-Care
Self-care as parents is often portrayed as indulgent and selfish in the wellness industry. Pooja Lakshman's book, 'Real Self-Care,' challenges this notion by emphasizing the importance of taking care of ourselves as a way to invest in our families and show up for our loved ones. It emphasizes the need to set clear boundaries and prioritize what truly brings us happiness and fulfillment, rather than following societal expectations. Self-care is subjective and should be tailored to individual mental health needs, rather than relying on one-size-fits-all solutions like spa days or scented candles. This conversation explores the misconceptions and guilt associated with self-care, highlighting the importance of making choices aligned with our values and finding what truly nourishes us.
Boundaries and the Power of Pause
Boundaries are a crucial aspect of real self-care, providing us with the space to evaluate and make deliberate choices. Pooja Lakshman reminds us that boundaries can be seen as a pause instead of a restriction. By pausing and taking the time to reflect, we can assess our options and make decisions that prioritize our well-being. Boundaries allow us to say yes, no, or negotiate, enabling us to align our choices with our values and goals. While saying no may come with a cost, it is essential to recognize that boundaries are a tool for reclaiming agency and creating a life that brings us fulfillment and happiness.
Challenging Societal Expectations and Guilt
Society often imposes its expectations on parents, and this can result in guilt and self-doubt. Pooja Lakshman acknowledges the guilt surrounding decisions such as working outside the home or choosing the number of children to have. She emphasizes the importance of letting go of societal labels and recognizing that self-care decisions are personal and individual. Prioritizing one's own mental health and well-being is essential for effective parenting. By reframing guilt as a faulty check engine light, we can detach its power and make choices that align with our values and aspirations.
The Value of Small Steps and Individuality
Real self-care does not have to be grandiose or solely focused on physical health. It can involve engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment, even if they may not be traditionally associated with 'good for you' self-care. Pooja Lakshman highlights the importance of starting small and embracing individuality when it comes to self-care. Choices that align with our values, no matter how unconventional they may seem, can have a significant impact on well-being and happiness. Self-care is a personal journey that can be embraced and practiced in various ways.
Self-care is everywhere. Bubble baths, massages, Instagram encouraging you to “take time for yourself.” Get up early to have coffee and meditate, or take a forest walk. It can get to the point where self-care itself is yet another thing to check off the to-do list. Send emails. Make lunches. Clean Cheerios off floor. Take forest walk.
Today on ParentData, psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin wants to push back on this performative, box-checking, crystals-and-baths form of self-care. Her book Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness is about what it actually takes to create wellness for ourselves. She talks about setting boundaries, tuning out the critics, and what true self-care can mean to each of us.
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