

Ep 219 Terry Real
Jun 7, 2022
Terry Real, a therapist and author noted for his insights on relational trauma and patriarchy, shares transformative ideas from his new book on building loving relationships. He emphasizes moving beyond individualism to enhance partnership dynamics. Topics include the impact of trauma on relationships, the critiques of patriarchal structures, and the importance of authenticity in personal struggles. Listeners gain practical strategies for healthier interactions and greater emotional awareness in their connections.
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Individualism Is A Harmful Delusion
- Terry Real argues individualism is a delusion that damages relationships and society.
- He proposes ecological humility: we are embedded in relationships and must collaborate, not control.
Brain Safety Determines Relationship Behavior
- Our nervous systems co-regulate and scan for safety constantly, shaping our behavior.
- When we feel unsafe the prefrontal cortex shuts down and primitive, reactive responses take over.
Trauma Drives Automatic Adaptive Responses
- Trauma hijacks adults into automatic childhood coping modes that repeat unhelpful patterns.
- The book focuses on shifting from those automatic responses to a wise adult that can choose differently.