Marriage Therapy Radio

Zach is joined by Darren and LaVerna Wilk to explore the journey of maintaining a thriving marriage through the transitions of parenting, fostering, and embracing the empty nest phase. With over 35 years of marriage and five daughters, they share insights on shifting from parenting to partnership, cultivating friendship, and keeping their relationship adventurous. They discuss planning intentional "midlife crises" to infuse novelty into their marriage, the importance of repair as a core practice, and how prioritizing their relationship has strengthened their family. Their experiences as foster parents and therapists provide a unique perspective on building resilience and connection in long-term relationships.Best Marriages Key Takeaways Embracing the Empty Nest: LaVerna reflects on finding joy and predictability in an empty house, and how her relationships with her daughters have flourished as they gained independence. Intentional Midlife Adventures: The Wilks share how planning shared adventures, like off-road Jeep trips, has brought excitement and growth to their marriage. The Power of Repair: They emphasize that conflict resolution is about building the muscle of repair, trusting that they can return to and resolve issues when ready. Marriage as the Foundation: Prioritizing their marriage, even when it meant disappointing their children, has been key to their enduring partnership. Reconnection Rituals: After time apart, they use intentional rituals to reconnect and realign emotionally, ensuring their bond remains strong. Darren Wilk, R.C.C., M.A., C.G.T. and LaVerna Wilk, R.C.C., M.C., C.G.T. Co-founders of Best Marriages Certified Gottman Therapist and Advanced Trainer Best Marriages Couples counseling center based in Langley, BC Offers Gottman Method therapy, workshops, and intensive sessions Visit Best Marriages Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this concluding episode of the guest-host series, Desirae Ysasi and Zach dive into the art of reparenting, integration, and communication in relationships. They explore what it means to revisit your childhood self while also allowing your younger self to guide you through present challenges. Desirae opens up about the overwhelm of parenting through work stress, sharing how her daughter’s recent emotional outburst became a mirror for her own emotional state. Zach reflects on a recent conference experience, the power of being seen by your partner, and how receiving feedback can sometimes feel like being put under a microscope. They also discuss the five winning strategies for building intimacy, from speaking to make things better to cherishing what you have. Desirae explains her concept of “history-colored glasses,” a powerful metaphor for how our past influences our present reactions. Whether you’re struggling to communicate or trying to feel more connected to yourself and your partner, this episode is full of practical, reflective insights. Key Takeaways Reparenting the Inner Child Desirae explains that reparenting is about becoming the parent you needed as a child, addressing unresolved wounds, and learning to provide yourself with the nurturing and validation you may have missed. History-Colored Glasses The way we see the world is deeply influenced by our past experiences. If you grew up around loving, joyful yelling, loud voices will feel warm. If yelling was traumatic, it will feel threatening. The challenge is to rewrite those old scripts. Learning to Speak to Make Things Better Desirae emphasizes that many of us speak to unload or defend, not to improve the relationship dynamic. Shifting to a “speak to make things better” mindset can completely alter the tone of conflict. Cherishing as a Practice of Receiving Cherishing isn’t just about giving love—it’s also about receiving it. Desirae explains that learning to accept even small gestures from your partner can be just as transformative as grand gestures. Integration: Bringing All Parts of Yourself to the Table Zach reflects on his own experience of feeling fragmented, wondering how to integrate all parts of himself rather than prioritizing certain aspects and neglecting others. Desirae affirms that all parts have a place, even the wounded, anxious, or insecure ones. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach and Desirae Ysasi pick up where they left off—diving deep into the intersections of race, identity, privilege, and emotional intimacy in relationships and therapy spaces. What unfolds is a profoundly honest and vulnerable conversation about belonging, the emotional labor of marginalized people, and what it means to truly listen and connect across differences. Desirae shares how her lived experience as a Mexican-American woman shapes her approach to relationships, while Zach opens up about grappling with his identity as a white man raised with privilege. The episode becomes a model of real-time learning and mutual respect, grounded in curiosity and humility. This is more than just a conversation about culture—it’s about how we show up for each other with compassion, honesty, and a willingness to grow. Key Takeaways  Curiosity Over CertaintyZach and Desirae reflect on the importance of asking questions to understand, not to correct. True connection comes from being willing to sit in uncertainty and learn from others' lived experiences.  Self-Esteem as a Spiritual ConceptDesirae explains that healthy intimacy requires healthy self-esteem—and for many marginalized people, self-worth must be cultivated not from the culture around them, but from a deep spiritual sense of belonging and worthiness.  Therapists are Still Learning, TooZach shares a story about unintentionally alienating a client and asks how to be better. Desirae responds with grace and clarity.  Navigating Marriage in a Marginalized BodyDesirae speaks powerfully about what it means to build intimacy in a world that has long devalued your body, identity, and culture. Even with all the right tools, trauma and oppression create layers that take time and care to unwind. Guest Link ysasicounseling.com Based in San Antonio, TX Specializes in couples therapy, cultural identity, and relational healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach welcomes Desirae Ysasi for her first appearance as a guest co-host—and what unfolds is a warm, insightful, and occasionally awkward conversation about parenting, marriage, culture, and therapist life. From Desirae’s daughter offering podcast advice (“don’t be weird”) to Zach’s reflections on parenting adult children, the two therapists pull back the curtain on their real lives. They explore how therapists experience their own relationships, what it means to “cherish” your partner, and why Desirae believes couples can still struggle with conflict even when they have all the tools. Their honesty and laughter make space for listeners to reflect on their own relationships—not from a place of performance, but of grace, learning, and genuine care. This episode is the first of a three-part series with Desirae, and it sets the tone beautifully: smart, soulful, and full of moments that might just help you feel softer toward yourself or your partner. Key Takeaways You Can Know the Tools and Still StruggleDesirae reveals that even as a couples therapist, conflict in her marriage doesn’t always look pretty—but what makes the difference is how she and her husband repair. Cherishing as a Daily PracticeCherishing isn’t about grand romantic gestures. It’s about making sure your partner has tangible access to your love and affection—in everyday moments, through small actions. Conflict Isn’t the Problem—Disconnection IsDesirae shares that the hardest part of conflict is not being able to be generous. What matters is not just the argument, but whether you can still be open, kind, and connected during hard moments. Therapists are People, TooThe episode normalizes that even people trained to guide others through relationships have messy, human partnerships of their own—and that’s part of what makes the work so honest. Guest Link ysasicounseling.com Based in San Antonio, TX Specializes in couples therapy, trauma, and relational healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Krystal and Dedric Polite, real estate entrepreneurs, parents, and partners who built their marriage and business with vision, honesty, and hustle. Known for their HGTV show and business Be Polite Properties, the Polites take listeners behind the scenes of their relationship — from their first date (which felt more like an interview) to their evolving partnership as co-parents and business owners.Krystal and Dedric share how intentionality, therapy, and shared values laid the foundation for their long-term success. Krystal’s bold, upfront approach is met with Dedric’s easygoing warmth, and together, they show how different strengths can complement each other when grounded in trust and aligned purpose.They talk about therapy, parenting, building generational wealth, and how they support each other’s dreams—and why Krystal believes “you have to find out early if your partner is a teammate or an opponent.”Key TakeawaysStart How You Want to FinishKrystal approached their very first date with intentionality—talking credit scores, life goals, and values—because she knew she didn’t want to wait years to get to the heart of a relationship.Therapy From the BeginningTwo months into their relationship, Krystal insisted on couples therapy—something Dedric initially resisted, but now credits as a major reason they’ve stayed strong.Teammates, Not OpponentsTheir philosophy of marriage centers on being on the same team. Krystal explains how many couples are unknowingly married to their opponent—and how to avoid that trap early.Unlearning “Too Much Strength”Raised by strong single mothers, both Krystal and Dedric had to unlearn old patterns—Krystal admits it took years to allow Dedric to help with parenting, and Dedric had to learn not to emotionally shut down.Support Each Other’s DreamsTheir real estate business was Dedric’s dream—Krystal helped launch it. Their trampoline park franchise? That’s Krystal’s dream—and now Dedric is all in.Guest Links @bepoliteproperties HGTV’s 50/50 Flip (Krystal & Dedric’s show) bepoliteproperties.com (for speaking, investing, and media inquiries) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this vulnerable and powerful episode, Zach is joined by Tarah and EJ Kerwin, a married therapist duo and co-founders of Relationship Renovation, a counseling center and podcast dedicated to helping couples reconnect and rebuild. With honesty, warmth, and even some tears, Tarah and EJ take us behind the scenes of their own marriage—from honeymoon bliss to total overwhelm, from avoidance and trauma to healing and deep emotional presence.They share how the birth of their twins shifted their entire dynamic, how ketamine-assisted therapy helped Tarah reconnect with forgotten trauma, and how they both committed to doing the inner work to stay together, grow together, and model safety for their blended family.This episode is a window into the real, raw, and redemptive process of building a resilient marriage, even when both partners are therapists.Key TakeawaysThe Before & After of Parenting Going from 0 to 4 kids (including twins with colic) rocked their nervous systems—and their connection. The honeymoon phase disappeared overnight, and they had to rebuild their emotional infrastructure from scratch. Healing Through Ketamine Therapy A supervised ketamine protocol opened the door for deep trauma processing, revealing forgotten abuse and emotional blockages. It became a turning point for compassion, communication, and reconnection in their marriage. Authenticity Over Perfection As therapists, they felt pressure to “walk the talk,” but real healing came when they dropped the performance and embraced their own messy growth. “The best marriages aren’t perfect—they’re honest and evolving.” Relearning Safety Together Tarah’s trauma responses affected their intimacy and communication, and EJ had to learn not to retreat during conflict. Over time, they created a marriage where all parts of themselves could show up and be seen. The Power of Staying Instead of giving up, they chose to double down—on themselves, their love, and their mission to help others. Their counseling center now helps hundreds of couples every week, born from the lessons of their hardest moments. Guest InfoTarah & EJ KerwinPodcast: Relationship RenovationWebsite: relationshiprenovation.comInstagram: @relationship.renovation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach is joined by Dr. Brenna and Edmund Squires, a Florida-based couple navigating the complexities of marriage, faith, and long-term infertility. Married for nine years, Brenna—a psychologist and wellness consultant—and Edmund—a military veteran—share how their relationship has been shaped by both deep love and hard-fought resilience.Their conversation explores the emotional toll of unexplained infertility, how they’ve learned to support each other through grief and disappointment, and the importance of prioritizing their marriage above all else. They also discuss their faith and the role it plays in their decisions, and they open up about maintaining intimacy during a prolonged fertility journey—introducing the term "deliberate spontaneity" as a way to keep connection alive even amid stress.Whether you're navigating your own fertility challenges or simply working to grow stronger together, this episode is full of vulnerability, wisdom, and hope.Key TakeawaysInfertility Is a Couple’s Issue, Not Just One Partner’s BurdenInitially, Brenna bore the brunt of testing and treatment. They had a breakthrough moment where they decided to re-center as a team—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. "Deliberate Spontaneity" in the BedroomTrying to conceive can quickly turn sex into a chore. They’ve adapted by planning spontaneity—romanticizing required intimacy so it stays emotionally fulfilling and connected.Open Communication as an Anchor Long conversations, emotional check-ins, and apologies are core practices in their marriage. Brenna's mental health training adds insight, but it's mutual vulnerability that creates safety and closeness. Supporting Others Through Their Story Out of their own experience, Brenna and Edmund have launched monthly webinars and resources for couples navigating infertility. Their goal: help couples strengthen their relationship first, so they’re not starting their family journey from a place of disconnect. Learn more about Dr. Brenna and Edmond Squires at https://www.encourageandempowerwellness.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach and Annie dive deep into the art of transition, emotional pacing, and connection in long-term relationships. With their signature mix of warmth, honesty, and thoughtful reflection, they explore how couples can move from emotional distance to reconnection—without overwhelming each other.The episode kicks off with banter about TikToks and volleyball, then shifts into the heart of the matter: how relationships evolve when we learn to slow down, name what's happening inside us, and give our nervous systems time to catch up. Annie introduces the concept of “titration”—a gentle, incremental approach to change—and explains how it can transform conflict, emotional intimacy, and even personal growth in marriage.They also unpack the meaning behind defensiveness, offer powerful metaphors like “two stump spouses” and “learning how to swim before diving into the deep end,” and share a profound story from Annie’s own marriage about grief, rage, and radical honesty. Key TakeawaysTitration: A Slow Path to Growth Just like IV fluid must enter the body slowly to avoid harm, emotional intimacy must also be introduced gently. In marriage, rushing change can overwhelm both partners. Learning to pace growth allows real connection to develop. Defensiveness Is a Signal, Not a Flaw Annie reframes defensiveness as the body’s way of saying, “Something in me needs defending.” This awareness transforms conflict into curiosity: What part of me (or my partner) is trying to stay safe right now? Marriage as a Long Game Cultural myths tell us that getting married is the destination. But marriage is actually the beginning of a lifelong practice. Zach poses the question: When does the future start? The answer? Now. The “Two Stumps” MetaphorAnnie shares a client story: two spouses, emotionally worn down, feel like “stumps.” But even a stump can grow a new tree—if both people are willing to name where they are and choose to rebuild.Narrating the Inner World to Bridge Emotional Distance Instead of acting from emotion, Annie shares the power of narrating your internal dialogue to a partner. Her story of grief and rage during her father’s passing—and how naming it created immediate connection with her husband—is a masterclass in vulnerability. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach and Annie continue their deep dive into the complexities of relationships, trauma, and identity. After their last conversation, Annie had some lingering thoughts—so they reconvene to expand on the "divine setup" in marriage, the role of trauma in shaping our sense of self, and the ways we either grow or get stuck in our relational patterns.Annie shares powerful insights on why we choose the partners we do, explaining that we often marry someone who fills a need or answers a question we have at that time in our life. But what happens when that need is met, or the question shifts? Zach brings in his own experiences and observations from working with couples, exploring how marriage evolves not just once, but over and over again.They also tackle the difference between trauma and complex trauma, the ways we develop "superpowers" to protect ourselves, and the challenge of learning to let our partners be good for us when we've been wired to expect the opposite. Whether you’re interested in why your marriage looks the way it does, how past experiences shape present relationships, or how to create a new map for your future, this episode is full of thought-provoking and deeply personal wisdom.Key TakeawaysThe "Divine Setup" in MarriageWe often choose partners who offer us something we were missing—whether it’s adventure, security, or stability.Trauma vs. Complex Trauma Trauma is often a single event with a clear "before and after." Complex trauma is long-term, shaping how we see ourselves and how safe we feel expressing our true identity. Annie explains that marriage can provide a corrective experience, but only if we recognize our ingrained patterns and choose to challenge them. The "Superpowers" That Protect Us—And Hold Us Back Many of our best traits are actually survival strategies we developed to stay safe in childhood. Zach and Annie discuss how intuition, flexibility, and people-pleasing can be strengths—but also barriers to real connection. The work in marriage (and therapy) is to identify what we’re protecting—and learn how to let our full selves be seen. Learning to Let Your Partner Be Good to You If someone has grown up in an unsafe environment, trusting a good partner can feel terrifying. Annie shares how she spent years interpreting Matt’s kindness as a trick, until she consciously changed the way she listened to him. Expanding the Map: How We Create a New Reality Our early relationships give us a "map" of how to do life—but that map can be outdated. Zach introduces a thought experiment: Can we imagine a different future for ourselves? If we can visualize a world where we are loved, safe, and free, we can start making choices that align with that future. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach reconnects with one of his oldest friends, Annie, for an intimate and reflective conversation about friendship, marriage, personal growth, and recovery. Having known each other since summer camp in 1992, Zach and Annie have shared decades of milestones—from witnessing each other's weddings to navigating major life transitions.Their conversation spans everything from early expectations of marriage to the reality of long-term relationships. Annie opens up about her experience with alcohol dependence, parenting struggles, and self-discovery, reflecting on the way her past shaped her approach to love and commitment. Zach brings his own experiences to the table, offering insights into how relationships evolve and the ways we set ourselves up—consciously or not—for specific relationship patterns.This episode is raw, deeply personal, and full of hard-won wisdom about love, identity, and change. Whether you’re in a long-term marriage, newly navigating relationships, or interested in the intersection of personal history and relationship dynamics, this episode is an honest look at how we grow and redefine love over time.Key TakeawaysFriendships Can Be the Best Mirrors Zach and Annie have been in each other’s lives for decades, offering a unique perspective on each other’s growth, patterns, and blind spots. Having a long-term friendship means having someone who remembers who you were before you became who you are now. Marriage Often Reflects Our Deepest Patterns Annie discusses "the divine setup"—the idea that we marry someone who mirrors how we’ve always related to people. She explores how past trauma and chemistry influence partner selection, sometimes without us realizing it. How Recovery Changes Relationships Annie opens up about how quitting alcohol disrupted her marriage dynamic and forced both her and her husband to adjust to a new reality. Zach shares how personal health creates a gravitational pull, encouraging those around us to either adjust or resist. Redefining What It Means to Be a "Good" Parent Annie realized that her early definition of patience as a mom was actually just repressing her emotions. She discusses how learning to tolerate her children’s emotions without fixing everything transformed her relationship with them. Why Long-Term Marriages Keep Evolving Zach and Annie reflect on how their views on marriage have shifted from when they first got married to today. Annie shares a pivotal moment when she realized she had married someone who allowed her to relate the way she always had—but that didn’t mean she had to stay stuck in old patterns Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices