Good Life Project How to Keep the Spark Alive: Secrets from 40 Years of Love Research with Drs. Julie and John Gottman
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May 9, 2024 
Love researchers, Drs. Julie and John Gottman share secrets for lasting love - 5:1 ratio, bids for connection, 4 horsemen to avoid. Insights from their book, Eight Dates. Discusses impact of positive emotions, reversing learned helplessness, destructive behaviors, deepening connection, nurturing intimacy, and discovering joy of loving fully.
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The 5:1 Ratio
- Happy couples maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative emotions, even during conflict.
- This positive cushion helps them navigate disagreements and avoid negativity spirals.
Ratio Outside of Conflict
- During non-conflict interactions, the positive-to-negative ratio for happy couples jumps to 20:1.
- Small negative interactions during peaceful times hurt more because positive interactions are expected.
Bids for Connection
- "Bids for connection" are small attempts to engage a partner (e.g., sharing an observation).
- Ignoring or rejecting these bids can be hurtful, while acknowledging them strengthens the bond.