141. How to get over someone you can't stop thinking about
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Nov 7, 2023
Struggling to get over someone? This discussion dives into the emotional turmoil of heartbreak and how it can feel all-consuming. Discover the need for emotional closure and learn self-provided techniques to achieve it. The science behind attachment styles sheds light on why we obsess. Explore the benefits of a no-contact strategy and how it can catalyze healing. With practical tips sprinkled throughout, the conversation encourages embracing self-love and focusing on personal growth for a brighter future.
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Jemma's Closure Story
Jemma had an ex she dated for six months and spent over a year obsessing over him.
Running into his friend gave her closure and she met her current boyfriend the next day.
insights INSIGHT
Closure and the Brain
People struggle to move on due to a lack of emotional closure.
The brain seeks a structured narrative to conclude the relationship story.
insights INSIGHT
Pollyanna Principle
The Pollyanna principle explains our tendency to remember good times more clearly than bad.
This positive bias makes it harder to move on, as we romanticize the past.
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In 'All About Love: New Visions,' bell hooks delves into the complexities of love, arguing that it is an act of will rather than a strong feeling. The book is divided into thirteen chapters, each addressing a different aspect of love, such as childhood, family dynamics, honesty, commitment, spirituality, and community. hooks reflects on her own experiences and societal teachings on love, emphasizing the importance of clarity, justice, and honesty in loving relationships. She also critiques the ways in which capitalism and patriarchy distort our understanding of love and advocates for a return to a more authentic and transformative form of love that is rooted in mutual respect, trust, and communication.
What a Time to Be Alone
The Slumflower's Guide to Why You Are Already Enough
Chidera Eggerue
In 'What a Time to Be Alone', Chidera Eggerue offers a compelling narrative on embracing solitude as a path to self-discovery and empowerment. The book is structured into three sections—YOU, THEM, and US—focusing on self-worth, recognizing toxic influences, and cultivating positive relationships. Eggerue uses personal anecdotes and Igbo proverbs to inspire young women to recognize their intrinsic value and find happiness within themselves.
When You're Ready, This Is How You Heal
Brianna Wiest
This book by Brianna Wiest offers a comprehensive guide to healing, emphasizing it as an ongoing process rather than a one-time event. It explores the multidimensional aspects of healing, including mind, body, and spirit, and provides practical exercises and meditations to foster self-awareness and personal transformation.
We all know the feeling of wanting desperately to move on from someone - an ex, a past love, situationship, someone we know we shouldn't be with - but being unable to stop obsessively thinking about them. In this episode we explore the psychology behind why that is, but also how to get to the next stage of healing where you are free of the past memories, thoughts and your feelings for this person. We discuss:
The psychological need for emotional closure and how to provide YOURSELF closure
The Polyanna principle and positive bias for the past
The chemical reason for obsession and unrequited
Anxious attachment and overthinking
The excuses that keep us invested in the wrong people
How to emotionally detach
The science of no-contact
10 tips for getting over someone you can't stop thinking about
If you are struggling to move on, even though you've tried and are ready, this one is for you as we unpack how to move on from someone you can't stop thinking about.
The Psychology of your 20s 
