How to Be Awesome at Your Job

925: How to Stop People-Pleasing and Feeling Guilty with Dr. Aziz Gazipura

Jan 4, 2024

42:35

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Dr. Aziz Gazipura, clinical psychologist and expert on social confidence, explains the dangers of people-pleasing and shares actionable steps for overcoming it. Topics include the costs of people-pleasing, saying no without guilt, building discomfort tolerance, and personal growth through embracing discomfort.

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Quick takeaways

People-pleasing comes with significant costs, leading to feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction.

Breaking free from people-pleasing allows individuals to be more authentic, confident, and successful in their interactions.

Deep dives

The Massive Costs of Being a People Pleaser

Being a people pleaser comes with significant costs, often resulting in feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction. The podcast episode highlights the story of a successful woman in her mid-40s who, despite having a fulfilling career, a family, and a husband, feels profoundly lonely because nobody truly knows her. The episode emphasizes that people-pleasing is not the same as being kind or generous; it is a compulsion based on the fear of abandonment and the belief that one's true self is not enough. The consequences of living as a people pleaser are far-reaching, impacting both physical and mental health, and leading to a lower quality of life and shorter lifespan.

Introduction

2min

The Dangers of People Pleasing

6min

Growth and Change in Overcoming People-Pleasing Patterns

26min

Building the Discomfort Tolerance Muscle

4min

Boulder Back Pain Study, Free to Focus, and Cold Plunge

2min

Embracing Discomfort and Reflection for Personal and Professional Growth

3min

Dr. Aziz Gazipura explains the dangers of people-pleasing tendencies and shares actionable steps for overcoming it.

— YOU’LL LEARN —

1) The massive costs of being a people-pleaser

2) How to not feel guilty when saying no

3) A surprising strategy to build your discomfort tolerance

Subscribe or visit AwesomeAtYourJob.com/ep925 for clickable versions of the links below.

— ABOUT AZIZ —

Dr. Aziz is a clinical psychologist and one of the world's leading experts on social confidence. In 2011, Dr. Aziz started The Center For Social Confidence, which is dedicated to helping everyone break through their shyness and social anxiety.

Through confidence coaching, audio and video programs, podcasts, a detailed blog, and intensive weekend workshops, Dr. Aziz has helped thousands of people all over the world increase their confidence and lives out his mission: To help every person who is stuck in shyness liberate themselves to pursue the relationship, career, and life they have always dreamed of.

He lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife Candace and son Zaim.

• Book: Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself (site)

• Book: Less Nice, More You: Stop Hiding & Become The Most Bold, Authentic Version Of You Now

• Mini course: “5 Steps to Unleash Your Inner Confidence”

• Organization: Social Confidence Center

• Website: DrAziz.com

— RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE SHOW —

• Study: Effect of Pain Reprocessing Therapy vs Placebo and Usual Care for Patients With Chronic Back Pain - A Randomized Clinical Trial

• Book: Free to Focus: A Total Productivity System to Achieve More by Doing Less by Michael Hyatt

• Book: The Way Out: A Revolutionary, Scientifically Proven Approach to Healing Chronic Pain by Alan Gordon, Alon Ziv

• Previous episode: 830: Lessons Learned from the World’s Longest Scientific Study on Happiness with Dr. Robert Waldinger

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