The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Date Like a Scientist

222 snips
Feb 3, 2025
Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge and author of 'How to Not Die Alone,' dives into the science of dating. She discusses the importance of viewing dating as a journey of discovery rather than a checklist. Listeners learn about the 'Monet effect,' the danger of romanticizing partners, and how perceived flaws can enhance attractiveness. Ury also emphasizes the need for deeper compatibility over immediate attraction, and the significance of vulnerability in forming meaningful connections.
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ANECDOTE

Burning Man Brian

  • Logan Ury pursued a man (Burning Man Brian) who rejected her, believing his rejection meant he was better than her.
  • This experience highlighted her anxious attachment style and taught her about red flags and secure partners.
INSIGHT

Learnable Skill

  • People are born knowing how to love but not how to date, and dating is a skill that can be learned.
  • Modern dating is challenging due to individualistic culture and the burden of choice.
INSIGHT

Relation-shopping

  • Relation-shopping is treating partners like searchable goods, focusing on superficial traits instead of experiential compatibility.
  • People are experiential goods; dating should focus on shared experiences and feelings, not checklists.
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