627: How to Influence Through Your Questions, with Kwame Christian
Apr 24, 2023
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Kwame Christian, best-selling author and CEO of the American Negotiation Institute, shares his insights on using questions as powerful tools for influence. He emphasizes three key types of questions: rapport, information, and persuasion, highlighting the need for trust in conversations. The discussion delves into the importance of open-ended questions to uncover deeper issues and facilitate collaborative dialogue. Kwame also touches on the creation of Negotiable, an online community aimed at enhancing negotiation skills, emphasizing personal growth and effective communication.
Building rapport through genuine interest and curiosity establishes a foundation for influencing outcomes in conversations.
Gathering information requires nuance, openness, and gradual specificity to gain deeper understanding and lay the groundwork for effective persuasion.
Deep dives
The Power of Intentional Questions
Kwame Christian returns to the Coaching for Leaders podcast to discuss the importance of intentional questions as a means of influence. He explains that questions can be used not only for discovery but also for building relationships and influencing outcomes. By adopting a mindset of curiosity and collaboration, leaders can create a foundation of trust in their conversations. Christian introduces a three-step approach: rapport, information, and persuasion. Building rapport involves creating positive momentum and demonstrating genuine interest in the other person. The information step focuses on gathering deeper insights about the person's perspective, needs, and emotional state. Lastly, persuasion is achieved through well-crafted questions that challenge perspectives and shift thinking. Christian emphasizes the importance of humility, collaboration, and the ethical use of persuasive questions in achieving win-win outcomes.
The Nuances of Questioning
Kwame Christian discusses how his approach to asking questions has evolved over time, emphasizing the versatility of questions and curiosity. He shares that while his legal background limited him to using questions for data collection, his exposure to experts in various industries taught him how questions can be instrumental in influencing and deepening relationships. Christian highlights the value of being genuinely curious, shifting perspectives, and building trust. He explains that open-ended questions are helpful in the early stages of conversation, allowing for a broader exploration of important topics. As the conversation progresses, questions become more specific, leading to deeper insights and potential solutions. Christian provides examples of how questions can reveal unexpected information and foster positive momentum in challenging conversations.
Using Questions to Influence Through Rapport
The first step in influencing others through questions is building rapport. Kwame Christian explains that rapport is established by demonstrating genuine interest and care for the person beyond their utility. He advises starting with open-ended questions like, 'How's your day going?' or observing something of interest and asking about it. By creating a sense of affinity and triggering curiosity, positive momentum is generated, along with psychological connection. Christian acknowledges the importance of humility and collaboration in creating a safe space for open conversation. By starting with rapport, leaders lay a firm foundation for influencing others and ensuring positive outcomes in challenging conversations.
Gathering Information Through Skillful Questions
The second step in influencing others through questions is gathering information. Kwame Christian highlights the need for nuance and intentionality in this stage. While information can be collected during the rapport-building phase, this step focuses on deeper understanding of the person, their perspective, wants, needs, and emotional state. By employing a funnel technique, leaders start with broad questions and gradually become more specific based on the responses. Christian advises against assuming knowledge and embracing surprises when collecting information. He emphasizes the importance of humility, open-mindedness, and creating a safe environment for sharing. Skillful questioning not only reveals critical insights but also paves the way for effective persuasion and resolution.
Kwame Christian: American Negotiation Institute
Kwame Christian is a best-selling author, business lawyer, and CEO of the American Negotiation Institute. Following the viral success of his TED talk, Kwame released his best-seller Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life back in 2018. He’s also a regular Contributor for Forbes and the host of the number one negotiation podcast in the world, Negotiate Anything, which currently has over 5 million downloads worldwide.
Under his leadership, the American Negotiation Institute has coached and trained several Fortune 500 companies on applying the fundamentals of negotiation to corporate success. He's also the author of the book How to Have Difficult Conversations About Race and the creator of Negotiable, an Online Community to Learn to Negotiate Anything.
We often think about questions as a way to discover more — but have you also considered how your questions might influence? Kwame Christian and I discuss three key steps in order to persuade better through your intentional questions.
Key Points
Rapport questions help you make a connection with the other party and establish a baseline for how they communicate.
A helpful place to begin on rapport is noticing something that you genuinely admire or are curious about in the other party.
When gaining information, start broadly and then pull the thread when the other party leads you down a path. Beware that your role/position can cause people to say more than they otherwise might.
“What would it take?” is often a helpful way to illuminate a path forward.
Even if you ultimately are more directive, laying the foundation through questions allows the other party to be heard and understood.
Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes
These Coaching Questions Get Results, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 237)
How to Ask Better Questions, with David Marquet (episode 454)
The Way Out of Major Conflict, with Amanda Ripley (episode 529)
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