Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Overcoming Comparison and Accepting Ordinary with Dr. Ron Siegel

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May 30, 2022

Dr. Ronald Siegel, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School and author, explores the pitfalls of social comparison and the myths surrounding extraordinary achievements. He shares insights on embracing our ordinary selves as a path to genuine self-acceptance. The discussion highlights how cultural pressures shape our self-worth, the healing power of social connection, and practical strategies to cultivate a balanced self-view. Siegel's wisdom invites listeners to find joy and fulfillment in their everyday experiences.

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ANECDOTE

Ron's Self-Esteem Journey

Despite decades of psychotherapy and meditation, Dr. Siegel still experienced fluctuating self-esteem.
He realized this struggle was common among his clients and even had evolutionary roots.

INSIGHT

Cultural and Evolutionary Factors

Societal pressures amplify comparison, but the drive for status has evolutionary roots.
Humans share a deeply ingrained instinct for social hierarchy, impacting self-esteem.

INSIGHT

The Self-Esteem Rollercoaster

Fluctuating self-esteem stems from chasing success and avoiding failure.
This can lead to fear of inadequacy, hindering risk-taking and connection.

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When was the last time you went through a day without comparing yourself to anyone? For instance, by comparing your life to someone else’s highlight reel on social media, or being critical of your own willpower and abilities? Avoiding these mental traps can be difficult in a culture that emphasizes the importance of being 'special.'

Of course, we are all special – and all ordinary. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson are joined by psychologist and author Dr. Ronald Siegel to discuss why that might not be such a bad thing. They discuss how to drop the myth of the extraordinary, how to heal from feelings of inadequacy, and what healthy self-esteem looks like.

About our Guest: Dr. Siegel is Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School, international speaker on the topics of mindfulness and compassion, and author of several books including his latest, The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary: Finding Happiness Right Where You Are.

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:50: What prompted Ron’s inquiry into being ordinary

7:00: Cultural and evolutionary factors

12:55: Fluctuations in self-esteem based on success and failure

16:40: Social connection as antidote

18:35: What being ordinary looks like

20:45: Three ways to drop the myth of the extraordinary

31:35: Rick’s path to healing his own feelings of inadequacy

38:55: Predispositions to having a sense of worth and value

44:40: Love vs. ‘specialness’

48:40: Reaping the benefits of self-esteem without getting caught in its traps

56:10: Recap

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