In this engaging discussion, Professor Vanessa Bohns, an expert in social influence from Cornell University, reveals the surprising ways we underestimate our own impact. She tackles the 'liking gap,' explaining how we often think others don’t like us as much as they actually do. Bohns shares insights on how our beliefs shift based on our audience and highlights the innate influence we possess in social settings. Tune in for a fresh perspective that will change how you view your own social interactions!
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insights INSIGHT
Natural Influence
You don't need to stand out from the crowd to influence others.
People are naturally wired to pay attention to others around them.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Barry Manilow T-Shirt Study
A study using a Barry Manilow t-shirt showed people overestimate how much others notice embarrassing details.
We overestimate attention on flaws but underestimate general attention.
insights INSIGHT
Overestimating Flaws, Underestimating Positivity
People overestimate how much others notice their flaws.
They also underestimate how much others think about them positively.
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First published in 1936, 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie is a timeless guide to improving interpersonal skills. The book is divided into four main sections: Six Ways to Make People Like You, Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking, and Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. Carnegie's principles emphasize the importance of genuine interest in others, active listening, and avoiding criticism and argument. The book offers practical advice on how to build strong relationships, communicate effectively, and influence others by aligning their self-interest with yours. It has been a cornerstone of personal development and business success for generations[2][3][5].
You Have More Influence Than You Think
How We Underestimate Our Power of Persuasion
Vanessa Bohns
In this book, social psychologist Vanessa Bohns draws from her original research to illustrate why people fail to recognize the influence they have on others. She explains how this lack of awareness can lead to missed opportunities or the accidental misuse of power. Bohns weaves together compelling stories with cutting-edge science to answer questions about the impact of our words, actions, and presence on others. The book offers strategies for observing the effect we have on others, reconsidering our fear of rejection, and sometimes pulling back to use our influence less. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing the influence we already possess rather than seeking ways to gain more influence[2][3][5].
Influence
The Psychology of Persuasion
Robert Cialdini
In this highly acclaimed book, Dr. Robert B. Cialdini explains the psychology behind why people say yes and how to apply these insights ethically. The book outlines six universal principles of influence: Reciprocation, Commitment and Consistency, Social Proof, Liking, Authority, and Scarcity. The new and expanded edition includes a seventh principle, Unity, along with new research, insights, and examples. Cialdini uses memorable stories and relatable examples to make the subject accessible and easy to understand, helping readers become more skilled persuaders and defend themselves against unethical influence attempts.
When you think of influence you probably think of Beyonce, Ronaldo, or Obama. But you don’t think about yourself. In today’s show, Professor Vanessa Bohns talks about the influence you already have. She explains why we underestimate how many people like our company, why we overestimate how social our friends are, and how we change our views depending on who we’re talking to. Tune in and I guarantee you’ll learn something surprising about yourself.
Nudge 
