Ethan Nichtern, a contemporary Buddhist teacher and author, shares insights on building genuine confidence through the lens of Buddhism. He distinguishes between authentic and performative confidence, offering practical strategies for resilience. The conversation dives into the concept of self, the Eight Worldly Winds, and how our identities are shaped by praise and blame. Nichtern encourages embracing humility and the emotional journey, while introducing meditation techniques to transform negative emotions like jealousy into joy.
Authentic confidence in Buddhism distinguishes trust in oneself and resilience from superficial self-confidence, promoting deeper self-awareness amidst challenges.
The Eight Worldly Winds framework illustrates the dual nature of human experiences, guiding individuals to maintain equanimity during life's fluctuations in success and failure.
Practicing 'holding your seat' empowers individuals to manage their emotional responses and cultivate resilience when faced with discomfort or adversity.
Deep dives
Understanding Confidence from a Buddhist Perspective
Confidence, from a Buddhist viewpoint, is distinguished from mere self-confidence. It emphasizes trust in oneself and resilience, advocating a deeper understanding beyond surface-level bravado. This concept is crucial for understanding how to engage with life's challenges without being undermined by fears and insecurities. The idea that the 'self' is an illusion complicates traditional notions of self-confidence by prompting reflections on what individuals truly place their trust in.
The Eight Worldly Winds: Navigating Life's Ups and Downs
The Eight Worldly Winds framework consists of pairs of experiences that everyone faces: pleasure/pain, praise/blame, success/failure, and influence/insignificance. Each pair highlights the dual nature of human experience, illustrating how positive events can bring joy while also leading to attachment and distraction. Understanding these winds helps individuals maintain equanimity amidst life's fluctuations, encouraging a balanced approach to both achievement and adversity. What’s essential is not to let these winds dictate one’s self-worth or identity.
Practicing Resilience: Holding Your Seat
The term 'holding your seat' refers to the practice of grounding oneself amidst life's challenges. It involves acknowledging one’s emotional state, specifically when confronted with discomfort or turmoil. This practice calls for bringing awareness back to the present and developing a stable internal state despite external pressures. By cultivating this resilience, individuals learn to manage reactions to life's ups and downs more effectively and feel empowered to face challenges head-on.
The Role of Gender in Perceptions of Confidence
The discussion around gender reveals notable differences in how men and women perceive and express confidence, particularly regarding societal expectations. Many women often feel they must present themselves perfectly, while men may project a more casual attitude towards failure and success. This dynamic can perpetuate a cycle where women grapple with imposter syndrome, while men might seem unaware of similar struggles. Recognizing these gendered experiences is essential for fostering authentic conversations around confidence.
Creative Techniques for Building Confidence
To cultivate authentic confidence, a variety of practices derived from Buddhist teachings can be employed, including mindfulness and compassionate self-reflection. The concept of 'Wind Horse' introduces several meditation techniques that encourage individuals to prepare themselves emotionally for challenges they may face. This can involve acknowledging one's emotions, softening towards them, and expanding awareness to better meet life's circumstances. These practices not only enhance resilience but also nurture a sense of belonging and empowerment in one’s personal journey.
Cultivating resilience in the face of whatever comes up.
Ethan Nichtern is the author of Confidence: Holding Your Seat through Life’s Eight Worldly Winds and several other titles, including the widely acclaimed The Road Home: A Contemporary Exploration of the Buddhist Path. A renowned contemporary Buddhist teacher and the host of The Road Home Podcast, Nichtern has offered meditation and Buddhist psychology classes at conferences, meditation centers, yoga studios, and universities, including Brown, Yale, and NYU. He has been featured by CNN, NPR, the New York Times, Vogue, and Business Insider and has written for the Huffington Post,Beliefnet, Lion’s Roar, Tricycle, Buddhadharma, and more. He lives in Brooklyn. Visit him online at http://www.EthanNichtern.com.
In this episode we talk about:
Authentic vs performative confidence
The line between humility and confidence
A Buddhist list called the Eight Worldly Winds
A slew of little practices you can do in order to boost your confidence (or resilience or equanimity)
The meaning of self-confidence in a tradition that argues the self is an illusion