What Makes Love Succeed or Fail? with John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman

Jan 25, 2023

Join renowned relationship experts John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman as they dive into what makes love thrive or crumble. They uncover how contempt can sabotage relationships and share methods to strengthen connections through effective communication and emotional validation. Discover the 'four horsemen' that threaten love, and learn about the power of small, loving gestures over material success. With practical advice on building intimacy and resolving conflicts, they highlight the importance of understanding your partner's inner world to maintain a healthy relationship.

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ADVICE

Turning Towards

Turn towards your partner when they bid for connection, even with a small gesture.
This strengthens your bond and shows you care.

INSIGHT

Turning Towards Success Rate

Couples who stayed together turned towards each other 86% of the time in the Love Lab.
Unsuccessful couples only did this 33% of the time.

ADVICE

Give Compliments

Regularly compliment your partner; don't assume they know you love them.
Acknowledge their positive actions and qualities, even small ones.

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This episode is brought to you by Thrive Market, BiOptimizers, BON CHARGE, and Sunlighten.

Research has revealed that by staying aware of how we interact with our partners and embracing specific patterns we are less likely to get divorced and more likely to be in a satisfying relationship many years from now. Today on The Doctor’s Farmacy, I’m excited to talk to two leading experts in the field of healthy relationships, Drs. Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman, cofounders of the Gottman Institute.

Dr. John Gottman previously served as executive director of the Relationship Research Institute and is a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded the Love Lab. He is world-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction and has conducted forty years of groundbreaking research with thousands of couples. His work has earned him numerous major awards and he was named one of the top ten most influential therapists of the past quarter century. Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman is president of the Gottman Institute and cofounder of Affective Software, Inc. A highly respected clinical psychologist, she was named Washington State Psychologist of the Year and received the 2021 Psychotherapy Networker Lifetime Achievement Award.

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Here are more details from our interview (audio version / Apple Subscriber version):

The top four relationship killers (5:18 / 3:20)
The keys to a successful relationship (6:25 / 4:00)
Love as a practice (27:09 / 22:50)
What makes for a great sex life (31:25 / 27:08)
How to have healthy conflict (35:11 / 30:52)
Breaking out of reactivity and fight or flight (42:33 / 38:17)
The biggest predictor of divorce (48:32 / 44:10)
How contempt differs from criticism (50:57 / 46:42)
The origins of contempt (53:13 / 48:55)
Top relationship hacks (1:00:13 / 54:24)

Take the Free Gottman Relationship Quiz and download the Gottman Card Decks app.

Get a copy of The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy here.