Reimagining Love

Disrupting the Underfunctioning/Overfunctioning Dynamic

Jun 7, 2022

59:10

Creator website

Episode guests

Alexandra Solomon

Highlights

AI Chapters

Episode notes

What Does Functioning Mean?

01:20

Is Your Partner Doing All the Heavy Lifting?

01:14

Change Happens in a Couple System

01:20

Do You Have Strategic Incompetence?

04:29

Introduction

3min

Over Functioning Under Functioning Dynamic - Part Two

3min

Is There an Over Functioning Under Functioning Relationship?

2min

Relational Roles Versus Codependence

3min

Is Your Partner Over Functioning?

3min

The Over Functioning, Under Functioning Dynamic

2min

What Does It Mean to Function?

3min

Queer Couples and the Over Functioning, Under Functioning Dynamic

3min

The Fall Out of Socialization

3min

10.

Inequitable Divisions of Labor Are Incredibly Real

2min

11.

How to Scan a Lot of Times

2min

12.

The Couple's Therapus

2min

13.

Couples Therapy

3min

14.

Changing Your Dance Moves Changes the System

3min

15.

Is There a Tendency to Over Function?

2min

16.

Relational Self Awareness - Stepping Back

3min

17.

The Hidden Benefits of Over Functioning

3min

18.

Under Performing Partner - Is Your Partner Controlling You?

2min

19.

Do You Have Strategic Incompetence?

4min

20.

Relational Self Awareness Questions

2min

21.

Relational Agreements - Are You Going to Rock the Boat?

5min

22.

Are You a Warrior?

3min

Dr. Alexandra explores the common underfunctioning/overfunctioning dynamic in long-term partnerships. She talks about why many couples fall prey to these roles, including cultural messaging and family-of-origin scripts, and she shares strategies for breaking free from this dance so that the relationship can feel more balanced.

Get the companion worksheet for this episode:

www.dralexandrasolomon.com/dynamic

The Family Institute at Northwestern University:

https://www.family-institute.org/

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter:

https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/

Take Dr. Alexandra's E-Course, Intimate Relationships 101 (use code LOVEPOD for 10% off at checkout)

https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/intimate-relationships-101

Submit your question to Dr. Alexandra:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

“Overfunctioning and Underfunctioning” by Dr. Will Meek:

https://willmeekphd.com/overfunctioning-underfunctioning/

“Women Aren't Nags—We're Just Fed” Up by Gemma Hartley (Harper’s Bazaar, September 2017):

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/

“I Live With a Woman—We're Not Immune to Emotional Labor:

How LGBTQ couples navigate gender roles at home” by Trish Bendix (Harper’s Bazaar, October 2017):

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12779502/emotional-labor-lgbtq-relationships/

Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky:

https://bookshop.org/books/fair-play-a-game-changing-solution-for-when-you-have-too-much-to-do-and-more-life-to-live/9780525541943?gclid=CjwKCAjwyryUBhBSEiwAGN5OCMpPV9pDU8oYDF4N2gccTwdOWo4hb8gHLsp3DfY1sTLi7IrxdD83YxoCGiQQAvD_BwE

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