Mel Robbins ON: Letting Go of Negative Thoughts & Redirecting Your Energy to Self Transformation
Jan 16, 2023
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In this engaging conversation, Mel Robbins, a New York Times bestselling author and a leader in personal development, shares her insights on overcoming negativity and reclaiming happiness. She discusses the importance of self-acceptance and the struggle between comfort and pursuing dreams. Mel also emphasizes breaking free from parental expectations, nurturing confidence, and embracing life’s dualities. Through relatable anecdotes, she inspires listeners to take actionable steps toward self-transformation and find fulfillment in their journeys.
Dreams are not meant to be achieved, but to be pursued as a source of personal fulfillment and self-expression.
It's important to prioritize our own aspirations and listen to our internal compass, even if they don't align with our parents' expectations.
Embracing our dreams allows us to tap into our natural intelligence and curiosity, find joy and fulfillment in the pursuit of our passions.
Deep dives
The Power of Dreams: Pursuing What Makes You Come Alive
Dreams are not meant to be achieved, but to be pursued as a source of personal fulfillment and self-expression. They serve as a directional signal, pointing us in a path that brings us joy, meaning, and growth. It's important to differentiate between dreams and delusions. Dreams are deeply personal and connected to our natural intelligence and curiosity. They ignite something inside us, making us feel alive and connected to our purpose. Delusions, on the other hand, often stem from insecurity, arrogance, or the need to be better than others. Dreams should be approached with intention, focusing on the journey rather than fixating on the outcome. This allows us to fully immerse ourselves in the process, find joy along the way, and continually create and grow. Whether it's pursuing a career in acting, nurturing relationships, or launching a podcast, it's about stepping onto the court of life and taking small steps towards what brings us fulfillment.
Parental Mismatch and Pursuing Our Own Paths
Many of us struggle with parental expectations and the feeling of not being supported in our decisions. It's important to acknowledge that parental mismatch, where our parents' expectations or lack thereof may not align with what we want for ourselves. Childhood experiences, positive or negative, can deeply shape our thinking patterns and influence our confidence. It's crucial to separate ourselves from those patterns and start taking ownership of our own lives. We should base our choices on what brings us joy, meaning, and personal growth. While parental guidance can be valuable, it's essential to prioritize our own aspirations and listen to our internal compass. Paying our own way and becoming self-sufficient can help strengthen our autonomy and empower us to make decisions based on our own values and desires.
Finding Meaning in the Journey, Not Just the Destination
The pursuit of meaning and happiness lies in embracing the journey, rather than fixating on the end result. Life is like a suspension bridge, with each step representing a milestone in personal growth. Focusing solely on the destination trivializes the significance of each step along the way. Whether climbing a mountain or going for a hike, the purpose is not solely reaching the top, but savoring the trail and embracing the entire experience. Meaning is derived from engaging with something of importance to us, working towards it with intention, and immersing ourselves fully in the process. Recognizing that our dreams are not meant to be achieved, but rather to guide us towards personal fulfillment, allows us to appreciate the value of the journey and find meaning in every step we take.
Embracing Dreams Over Delusions: Pursuing What Sets Our Souls on Fire
Differentiating between dreams and delusions is crucial in pursuing a fulfilling and purposeful life. Dreams stem from a deep sense of personal connection and passion, while delusions are often driven by insecurities, comparisons, or misguided expectations. Dreams should be approached with authenticity, intention, and a focus on personal growth and self-expression. Delusions, on the other hand, are rooted in an inflated sense of self, seeking validation from external sources, or trying to outdo others. Embracing our dreams allows us to tap into our natural intelligence and curiosity, ignite the flame within us, and find joy and fulfillment in the pursuit of our passions.
The Importance of Taking Risks and Building Confidence
The podcast episode explores the importance of taking risks and building confidence. The speaker highlights that life truly becomes navigable when one gains independence and takes control of their own choices and actions. They emphasize that self-doubt and lack of confidence often hold individuals back, particularly women, who tend to have higher levels of perfectionism. This is attributed to societal expectations and the intense focus on public conversations around puberty and physical changes. The speaker encourages individuals to embrace a willingness to try, approaching confidence as a result of action and learning from mistakes. They also suggest adopting the 60% rule, where individuals should not hesitate to pursue opportunities even if they feel they meet only 60% of the requirements.
Supporting Others and Overcoming Feelings of Jealousy
The podcast episode delves into the challenges of supporting others and overcoming feelings of jealousy when they experience personal growth or success. The speaker acknowledges that it is normal to feel envious or even become somewhat negative towards someone's progress, especially when they are a loved one. They explain that this response is rooted in our own insecurities and the fear of change. The speaker advises listeners to focus on their own journey and not impose their opinions or advice onto others. Instead, they should create space for open and supportive communication by asking leading questions and offering a listening ear. Furthermore, the speaker emphasizes the importance of acknowledging small accomplishments both within oneself and in others to foster motivation and build momentum towards personal growth.
You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.
Today, I am talking to Mel Robbins. Mel is one of the leading voices in personal development and transformation and a New York Times Bestselling author. Her work includes "The High 5 Habit," "The 5 Second Rule," four #1 bestselling audiobooks, the #1 podcast on Audible, as well as signature online courses that have changed the lives of more than half a million students worldwide. Her groundbreaking work on behavior change has been translated into 41 languages and is used by healthcare professionals, veterans’ organizations, and the world’s leading brands to inspire people to be more confident, effective, and fulfilled.
This time, Mel generously shares her thoughts on why people are unhappy and steps they can take to find genuine and lasting happiness, how to deal with our inner voice that's focus on negativity, why dreams are called directional signals, and the truth behind the struggles most of us go through as adults.
What We Discuss:
00:00:00 Intro
00:04:41 Why am I holding on to the things that are making me unhappy?
00:13:58 The constant drumbeat of negativity
00:21:56 Engaging in your own campaign of misery
00:36:50 Difference between dream and delusion
00:50:04 Parental mismatch
00:57:48 Girls struggle with crippling perfectionism
01:02:21 Confidence is the willingness to try
01:09:53 Why it’s easier to question how somebody’s changing
01:16:19 How to find happiness again
01:21:45 Verbal acknowledgement of the little achievements
