Lectern Q&As: The Virtue of Love | Featuring John Vervaeke, Ethan, and Ellie

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Apr 16, 2025

This engaging discussion dives deep into the transformative power of love, emphasizing its role as a binding force for personal growth. The hosts unpack the complexities of emotional attachments and societal influences on relationships, critiquing the superficiality often seen today. They also merge existential philosophy with concepts of love, exploring its impact in a world increasingly influenced by artificial intelligence. The conversation wraps up with reflections on trust, gratitude, and the abundance that love can bring into our lives.

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INSIGHT

Love as Existential Stance

Love is not just physical or emotional; it is an existential stance and participatory knowing.
It binds identity reciprocally and involves the whole person, orienting towards excellence and reality.

INSIGHT

Three Movements of Love

Love manifests as three movements: eros (union), philia (friendship), and agape (reverence for the sacred).
Each dimension plays a role in connecting us deeply to others and ultimate reality.

INSIGHT

Love as Self-Reflective

We know we love someone when they bring out our best selves and vice versa.
Love allows a stereoscopic self-vision by seeing oneself through another's loving eyes.

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The great Gatsby

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Published in 1925, 'The Great Gatsby' is a tragic love story, a mystery, and a social commentary on American life during the Jazz Age. The novel is narrated by Nick Carraway, who moves to Long Island and becomes entangled in the lives of his wealthy and mysterious neighbor, Jay Gatsby, and Gatsby's obsession to win back his first love, Daisy Buchanan. The story delves into themes of honesty, the temptations of wealth, and the struggle to escape the past, ultimately reflecting on the disintegration of the American Dream.

Hold Me Tight

Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Sue Johnson

In 'Hold Me Tight,' Dr. Sue Johnson presents a revolutionary approach to understanding and enhancing romantic relationships. The book is grounded in attachment theory and EFT, emphasizing the importance of emotional connection and dependency in adult relationships. It outlines seven crucial conversations that couples can have to recognize and address negative patterns, understand deeper feelings, and reestablish a secure emotional bond. The book includes practical exercises, real-life case studies, and sage advice to help couples nurture, protect, and grow their relationships[3][4][5].

Attached

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love

Amir Levine

In this book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel Heller explore the science of adult attachment, a concept pioneered by John Bowlby. They identify three primary attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and secure, each influencing how individuals approach relationships. The authors provide tools and communication strategies to help readers determine their own and their partner's attachment styles, navigate relationship challenges, and build more fulfilling and secure relationships. The book emphasizes that understanding attachment styles can help avoid mismatched relationships and foster a more secure and satisfying love life[2][4][5].

I and thou

Martin Buber

The stranger

Albert Camus

Published in 1942, 'The Stranger' tells the story of Meursault, a Frenchman living in Algiers, who is characterized by his emotional detachment and apathy. The novel begins with Meursault's indifferent reaction to his mother's death and follows his journey through a series of events, including a senseless murder, which leads to his trial and sentencing. Camus uses Meursault's story to illustrate his philosophy of the absurd, highlighting the lack of inherent meaning in life and the importance of accepting and living with this reality. The novel also explores the tensions between French colonialists and native Algerians, reflecting Camus's own experiences and critiques of colonialism.

Attachment Theory and Practice Emotionally Focused Therapy with Individuals, Couples, and Families

Emotionally Focused Therapy with Individuals, Couples, and Families

Sue Johnson

Dr. Sue Johnson's "Attachment Theory and Practice" provides a comprehensive overview of attachment theory and its application in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). The book explores the impact of attachment styles on individual and relational well-being. It details the principles and techniques of EFT, a therapeutic approach that focuses on understanding and modifying attachment patterns. Johnson's work emphasizes the importance of emotional connection and creating secure attachment bonds. The book is a valuable resource for therapists and individuals interested in understanding and improving their relationships.

The Ocean of God

Comparative Mystical Traditions

Huston Smith

Huston Smith's "The Ocean of God" is a comparative study of the world's major religions. Smith explores the mystical dimensions of various faith traditions, highlighting their shared experiences of the divine. He emphasizes the importance of personal experience and the limitations of intellectual understanding in grasping ultimate reality. The book promotes a pluralistic approach to spirituality, suggesting that different religions offer unique paths to the same transcendent truth. Smith's work encourages readers to engage with diverse spiritual traditions with openness and respect.

The Art of Loving

Erich Fromm

In this classic work, Erich Fromm argues that love is not a sentiment but an art that requires effort, practice, and the development of one's total personality. He critiques the popular conception of love and asserts that true love involves care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge. Fromm explores various types of love, including brotherly love, motherly love, erotic love, self-love, and the love of God, emphasizing the importance of humility, courage, faith, and discipline in achieving mature and fulfilling love.

Welcome to a special installment of the Lectern Q&A! This month’s theme is Love as a Virtue and Existential Stance. This session dives into the nature of love—not just as a feeling, but as a participatory, person-making virtue that binds us to reality and each other. Joining John and Ethan is Ellie, who brings both a deeply reflective presence and insightful contributions to this exploration.

Lectern Q&As are a monthly gathering where John and Ethan take questions from The Lectern’s members, threading through important themes that are most pertinent and perplexing to the collective. Pre-submitted questions form the bulk of the discussion with a Live Q&A segment toward the end. These conversations are particularly important for generating knowledge that is relevant both to John and The Lectern’s broader audience. To participate in these discussions live, submit questions ahead of time and gain access to previous Q&As by signing up at the Alpha Tier (and above) on The Lectern: https://lectern.teachable.com/p/lectern-lounge

If you would like to donate purely out of goodwill to support John’s work, please consider joining our Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/johnvervaeke

The Vervaeke Foundation is committed to advancing the scientific pursuit of wisdom and creating a significant impact on the world. https://vervaekefoundation.org/

If you would like to learn and engage regularly in practices that are informed, developed, and endorsed by John and his work, visit Awaken to Meaning’s calendar to explore practices that enhance your virtues and foster deeper connections with reality and relationships. https://awakentomeaning.com/join-practice/

Chapter Timestamps

00:00 Welcome and Opening Reflections on Love 02:45 Love as an Existential Stance 05:00 Love, Participatory Knowing, and Binding Identity 08:45 Eros, Philia, and Agape: The Three Movements of Love 13:00 The Person-Making Nature of Love 17:00 Love as a Doorway to the Sacred 20:30 The Transformation of Self Through Love 23:45 Somatic and Embodied Knowing of Love 28:00 Trauma, Attachment, and the Challenge of Loving Well 32:10 Secure Attachment and Love as Practice 37:40 Circling, Dialectic, and Learning to Love Wisely 40:15 The Role of Worldview in Love and Meaning 46:50 A GI, the Sacred, and What We Truly Love About Humanity 54:20 The Ecology of Religions and Participatory Pluralism 59:30 Final Reflections from John, Ethan, and Ellie

Biographical Sentences

John Vervaeke is a cognitive scientist, philosopher, and the creator of the YouTube series Awakening from the Meaning Crisis. His work focuses on wisdom cultivation, consciousness, and the scientific pursuit of meaning.

Ethan is a co-host and facilitator of the Lectern Q&A sessions. He curates conversations that illuminate existential, psychological, and philosophical insights emerging from the community and John’s teachings.

Ellie is a scholar and practitioner deeply engaged in environmental science, interpersonal growth, and attachment theory. She brings a reflective, embodied perspective to the conversation on love.

Ideas, People, and Works Mentioned in this Episode

Søren Kierkegaard
John Bowlby, Attachment Theory
Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight, Attachment Theory in Practice
Eric Fromm, The Art of Loving
Thomas Kuhn, Paradigms and Worldview
Albert Camus, The Stranger
Martin Buber, I and Thou
Taoism and the concept of the Dao as Mother
Mahayana Buddhism, Bodhisattva path
Sufism and Divine Love
Socratic Knowledge and Dialogos
Circling & Dialectic into Dialogos
Lauren Barrett, Emotionally Focused Therapy
Halcyon Guild
Pluralism in religion and spiritual practice

Connect with John Vervaeke

Website: https://johnvervaeke.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/vervaeke_john
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@johnvervaeke
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/johnvervaeke

Thank you for Listening!