Bridging Emotion-Focused Therapy and Virtue in Relationships

Welcome to a special installment of the Lectern Q&A! This month’s theme is Love as a Virtue and Existential Stance. This session dives into the nature of love—not just as a feeling, but as a participatory, person-making virtue that binds us to reality and each other. Joining John and Ethan is Ellie, who brings both a deeply reflective presence and insightful contributions to this exploration.

Lectern Q&As are a monthly gathering where John and Ethan take questions from The Lectern’s members, threading through important themes that are most pertinent and perplexing to the collective. Pre-submitted questions form the bulk of the discussion with a Live Q&A segment toward the end. These conversations are particularly important for generating knowledge that is relevant both to John and The Lectern’s broader audience. To participate in these discussions live, submit questions ahead of time and gain access to previous Q&As by signing up at the Alpha Tier (and above) on The Lectern: https://lectern.teachable.com/p/lectern-lounge

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The Vervaeke Foundation is committed to advancing the scientific pursuit of wisdom and creating a significant impact on the world. https://vervaekefoundation.org/

If you would like to learn and engage regularly in practices that are informed, developed, and endorsed by John and his work, visit Awaken to Meaning’s calendar to explore practices that enhance your virtues and foster deeper connections with reality and relationships. https://awakentomeaning.com/join-practice/

Chapter Timestamps

00:00 Welcome and Opening Reflections on Love 02:45 Love as an Existential Stance 05:00 Love, Participatory Knowing, and Binding Identity 08:45 Eros, Philia, and Agape: The Three Movements of Love 13:00 The Person-Making Nature of Love 17:00 Love as a Doorway to the Sacred 20:30 The Transformation of Self Through Love 23:45 Somatic and Embodied Knowing of Love 28:00 Trauma, Attachment, and the Challenge of Loving Well 32:10 Secure Attachment and Love as Practice 37:40 Circling, Dialectic, and Learning to Love Wisely 40:15 The Role of Worldview in Love and Meaning 46:50 A GI, the Sacred, and What We Truly Love About Humanity 54:20 The Ecology of Religions and Participatory Pluralism 59:30 Final Reflections from John, Ethan, and Ellie

Biographical Sentences

John Vervaeke is a cognitive scientist, philosopher, and the creator of the YouTube series Awakening from the Meaning Crisis. His work focuses on wisdom cultivation, consciousness, and the scientific pursuit of meaning.

Ethan is a co-host and facilitator of the Lectern Q&A sessions. He curates conversations that illuminate existential, psychological, and philosophical insights emerging from the community and John’s teachings.

Ellie is a scholar and practitioner deeply engaged in environmental science, interpersonal growth, and attachment theory. She brings a reflective, embodied perspective to the conversation on love.

Ideas, People, and Works Mentioned in this Episode

• Søren Kierkegaard

• John Bowlby, Attachment Theory

• Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight, Attachment Theory in Practice

• Eric Fromm, The Art of Loving

• Thomas Kuhn, Paradigms and Worldview

• Albert Camus, The Stranger

• Martin Buber, I and Thou

• Taoism and the concept of the Dao as Mother

• Mahayana Buddhism, Bodhisattva path

• Sufism and Divine Love

• Socratic Knowledge and Dialogos

• Circling & Dialectic into Dialogos

• Lauren Barrett, Emotionally Focused Therapy

• Halcyon Guild

• Pluralism in religion and spiritual practice

Connect with John Vervaeke

• Website: https://johnvervaeke.com/

• Twitter: https://twitter.com/vervaeke_john

• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@johnvervaeke

• Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/johnvervaeke

Thank you for Listening!