Save Your Life By Letting Go (of Codependency) with Terri Cole
Apr 17, 2025
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Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, shares her insights on high-functioning codependency. She reveals how individuals can seem highly capable yet feel drained in their relationships. Terri discusses actionable steps for recovery, emphasizing the importance of saying no and setting boundaries. She also delves into the emotional toll of prioritizing others over oneself and offers strategies for managing anxiety and fostering true intimacy. This conversation is a guide to reclaiming personal well-being and nurturing healthier connections.
High-functioning codependency presents as being highly capable while masking feelings of exhaustion and resentment in relationships.
Recognizing the importance of boundaries is essential for individuals to prioritize their well-being and foster healthier relational dynamics.
Developing emotional fluency helps individuals understand their feelings and manage emotional triggers, facilitating a journey toward self-acceptance.
Deep dives
The Importance of Masterclass and Mentorship
Mentorship plays a crucial role in personal and professional development, and finding the right mentor can significantly enhance one's growth. The discussion highlights the excitement of accessing classes from renowned experts on platforms like Masterclass, which offers a vast array of courses for just $10 a month. An impactful example shared is James Clear's session on building new habits, which provided actionable strategies to create and maintain consistency in daily routines. This practical approach to habit formation can lead to transformative changes in individuals' lives.
Understanding High-Functioning Codependency
High-functioning codependency is introduced as a new perspective on traditional codependency, where individuals may not recognize their need for support because they appear highly capable and self-sufficient. Many people who fit this description often embody hyper-independence, mistakenly believing it equates to strength while actually hindering genuine intimacy and connection. The conversation emphasizes that high-functioning codependents frequently take on the emotional burdens of others, which can lead to exhaustion and resentment in their relationships. Recognizing these patterns is essential for those seeking to reclaim their energy and foster healthier dynamics.
Impact of High-Functioning Codependency on Relationships
The detrimental effects of high-functioning codependency on interpersonal relationships are explored, particularly how it leads to feeling overwhelmed and neglected. Individuals in this situation may be hyper-aware of others' emotional states while failing to tend to their own needs, leaving them drained and unfulfilled. It is noted that these dynamics often create resentment as one partner constantly worries and fixes everyone else's problems, while the other enjoys a more relaxed existence. Understanding these patterns enables individuals to redirect their energy towards fostering deeper relationships and balancing emotional investments.
Healing and Surrendering for Recovery
Recovery from high-functioning codependency involves learning to set and maintain boundaries, enabling individuals to focus on their well-being rather than being solely concerned with others. The discussion prompts audience members to surrender their need for control, allowing themselves to prioritize their emotions and recognize that others are capable of handling their issues. Surrendering makes it possible to strengthen personal boundaries and determine how to best support loved ones without overextending oneself. As individuals gain awareness and self-consideration, they can begin to enjoy their lives and relationships more authentically.
Emotional Regulation and Tools for Self-Care
To effectively manage emotional regulation, individuals are encouraged to develop emotional fluency by understanding their feelings and discerning what triggers them. Simple techniques such as grounding in cold water, deep breathing, or taking a break from an anxiety-inducing situation can help restore balance during moments of dysregulation. Additionally, maintaining a journal can facilitate self-discovery by reflecting on past triggers and uncovering deeper emotions behind surface reactions. This emotional awareness is crucial in transitioning from relying on others for validation to finding peace and acceptance within oneself.
403. Save Your Life By Letting Go (of Codependency) with Terri Cole
Licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, Terri Cole, returns to talk more about high-functioning codependency—a term Terri coined to describe those who appear highly capable but feel deeply exhausted, resentful, and overwhelmed in relationships. In part two of our conversation, we will discuss recovery: where to start and what healing looks like.
-The biggest cost to being an active HFC and how to stop paying the price
-How to stop giving immediate yeses and what to do instead
-The two reasons we actually gossip and what it reveals about what we need to work on
-Over a dozen actionable tools to release being a High Functioning Codependent
Check out part one of our conversation, Are You A High Functioning Codependent? Find Out with Terri, here: Part 1
On Terri: Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global relationship and empowerment expert and the author of Boundary Boss and Too Much! She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients –including parents, celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs – achieve sustainable change. You can find her through her blog, courses, her podcast, The Terri Cole Show, and at terricole.com.
