In this engaging discussion, Dr. Stan Tatkin, a leading expert in couples therapy and author of numerous bestselling books, dives into the intricate mechanics of human relationships. He reveals how procedural memory plays a crucial role in our behavior and illustrates the difference between secure functioning relationships and mere secure attachment. Dr. Tatkin also provides insights on navigating conflict with cooperative strategies, emphasizing the importance of establishing mutual agreements for lasting connections. Get ready for a deep dive into the neurobiology of thriving partnerships!
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insights INSIGHT
Memory Powers Most Behavior
Humans rely on fast pattern-recognition and procedural memory for most daily behaviour, which conserves energy.
This economy of cognition makes relationships error-prone because we act reflexively under perceived threat.
insights INSIGHT
Novelty Fades Into Automation
Novelty drives early relationship excitement via dopamine but quickly automates into habit.
As partners automate each other, presence and curiosity decline, creating blind spots and boredom.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Draft Social Contracts Together
Create explicit social contracts that define fairness, governance and shared purpose in the relationship.
Use those agreed structures to lower threat and free resources for growth and security.
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Dr Tatkin is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of the psychobiological approach to couples therapy, often referred to as PACT.
He is assistant clinical professor in the family medicine department at the University of California. Dr Tatkin has authored numerous bestselling books on attachment and couples therapy, including: Wired for Love, Wired for Dating, In Each Other’s Care, and Your Brain on Love.
In this conversation, we explore:
— How human beings behave according to procedural memory most of the time and why this is important to understand in couples work
— Why relationships can be so difficult for humans
— The difference between a secure functioning relationship and secure attachment
And more.
You can learn more about Dr Tatkin’s work by visiting: thepactinstitute.com
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Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a best-selling author, clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, where he has specialized for the last 15 years in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships. He and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, developed the PACT Institute to train clinicians to help challenging couples find secure-functioning relationships. He is the author of best-selling books We Do, Wired for Love, Wired for Dating and Love and War in Intimate Relationships, as well as the audio books Your Brain on Love and Relationship Rx.
Dr. Tatkin also teaches family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He travels throughout the United States and abroad with the PACT Institute teaching therapists how to help couples build secure-functioning relationships.
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3 Books Dr Stan Tatkin Recommends Every Therapist Should Read:
— Handbook of Attachment: Theory, Research, and Clinical Applications - Jude Cassidy - https://amzn.to/4aIbYGJ
— Lyons-Ruth, K., L. Dutra, M. R. Schuder, and I. Bianchi. 2006. "From Infant Attachment Disorganization to Adult Dissociation: Relational Adaptations or Traumatic Experiences?" Psychiatric Clinics of North America 29 (1): 63–86. - https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-03379-005
— Schore, A. N. 2000. "Attachment and the regulation of the right brain." Attachment & Human Development 1 (2): 23–47. - https://www.allanschore.com/pdf/SchoreAttachHumDev.pdf
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