Sarah Murphy, biology of trauma expert, discusses the biology of attraction, why we attract the same type of people, and why stable relationships can feel boring. They also explore the concept of the 'ick' in relationships, the connection between the nervous system and relationships, and the importance of therapy and supplements for mental health.
Childhood experiences and attachment styles influence our attractions and relationships through our nervous system and biochemistry.
Dopamine plays a crucial role in creating intense feelings of attraction and attachment, driven by our body's biochemistry.
Dysregulated nervous systems seek constant excitement and stimulation, leading to dissatisfaction in stable relationships and the need for individual and relationship regulation.
Deep dives
Understanding the Impact of Childhood Trauma on Attraction and Relationships
This episode delves into how our childhood experiences and attachment styles impact our attractions and relationships. It explains that our nervous system and biochemistry play a significant role in who we are attracted to and why. The concept of baseline stress hormones is introduced, highlighting how dysregulated nervous systems seek out familiar, even if toxic, patterns. The episode emphasizes the importance of awareness, therapy, somatic practices, and nutritious supplementation to regulate our nervous system and create healthier patterns of attraction and attachment.
The Biology of Love Addiction and Dopamine Hits
In this part of the episode, the focus is on understanding love addiction and the role of dopamine in creating intense feelings of attraction and attachment. The speaker highlights that the body's biochemistry drives our thoughts, actions, and addictions. The idea of stress hormones and neurotransmitters influencing attraction and addictive behavior is discussed in depth. It emphasizes the importance of finding healthier ways to regulate our stress hormones, such as through nature, therapy, movement, and nutrient support, in order to break free from unhealthy attachments and addictive patterns.
The Impact of Regulation on Compatibility and Long-Term Relationships
This section explores how dysregulated nervous systems can lead to dissatisfaction in long-term relationships and a constant search for excitement and dopamine hits. The concept of losing the spark and feeling bored in stable relationships is explained as a result of regulated nervous systems seeking constant stimulation. The speaker emphasizes the need for individual and relationship regulation as keys to creating fulfillment and satisfaction in long-term partnerships. It is suggested that supplements, lifestyle changes, gut health support, and supporting neurotransmitters can assist in achieving regulation and breaking free from unhealthy relationship patterns.
The Enigma of the ick and Attachment Styles
This part of the episode focuses on the ick and its connection to attachment styles. It delves into the nervous system's response to closeness and intimacy, shedding light on how dysregulated nervous systems can cause discomfort and anxiety when someone gets too close. The speaker provides insights into the different attachment styles and their unique responses to intimacy, emphasizing the importance of understanding these patterns. It is suggested that regulation and awareness are key to developing healthier attachments and overcoming the ick phenomenon.
Moving Towards Regulation and Transformation
The final segment highlights the importance of self-awareness and the journey towards regulation and transformation. It discusses various approaches to regulation, such as somatic therapies, nature, community, and proper nutrition to support the nervous system. The potential impact of genetics, gut health, inflammation, and neurotransmitters on regulation is mentioned. The episode concludes by emphasizing that change is possible and inviting listeners to join the journey towards healthier relationships and a regulated nervous system.
Chasing hot and cold behavior, tolerating inconsistency & trying to change emotional unavailability doesn’t sound attractive, so why the F is it attractive to some of us? Does the truth lie within our nervous system? Sarah Murphy, biology of trauma expert, would say yes and that someone with a dysregulated nervous system, who is wired for a high baseline of stress, will find stable relationships and people *boring* and will search for a chemical cocktail of excitement from people who are just not quite right for them.
The pair get into:
How attraction ties back to our nervous system
Why we keep attracting the same types of people repeatedly
Why we search for a highs through romantic love and romantic drama
Why stable relationships feel so boring to some of us
Why Mr. Nice Guy, or Mr. Nice Girl can feel so uncomfortable too
Why the spark disappears as the relationship progresses
The biology of the ick
‘Love addiction’ and whether being addicted to someone is the same as being addicted to a drug
The biochemical drivers of cheating
Louise also shares her experience of how her ex reaching out to her after two years impacted her on a VERY interesting biochemical level.
Real talk, honest conversations, and stories that make you think—welcome to The Healing Honeys. Hit play and let’s get into it.
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