Healing Honeys (formerly OPENHOUSE with Louise Rumball)

88 - Why healthy relationships feel boring

Apr 30, 2023

Sarah Murphy, biology of trauma expert, discusses the biology of attraction, why we attract the same type of people, and why stable relationships can feel boring. They also explore the concept of the 'ick' in relationships, the connection between the nervous system and relationships, and the importance of therapy and supplements for mental health.

56:16

Episode guests

Sarah Murphy

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Episode notes

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

Childhood experiences and attachment styles influence our attractions and relationships through our nervous system and biochemistry.

Dopamine plays a crucial role in creating intense feelings of attraction and attachment, driven by our body's biochemistry.

Dysregulated nervous systems seek constant excitement and stimulation, leading to dissatisfaction in stable relationships and the need for individual and relationship regulation.

Deep dives

Understanding the Impact of Childhood Trauma on Attraction and Relationships

This episode delves into how our childhood experiences and attachment styles impact our attractions and relationships. It explains that our nervous system and biochemistry play a significant role in who we are attracted to and why. The concept of baseline stress hormones is introduced, highlighting how dysregulated nervous systems seek out familiar, even if toxic, patterns. The episode emphasizes the importance of awareness, therapy, somatic practices, and nutritious supplementation to regulate our nervous system and create healthier patterns of attraction and attachment.

Introduction

3min

Unpacking Dating Patterns and the Body's Role in Relationships

3min

The Connection Between Nervous System and Relationships

30min

The 'Ick' and Attachment Styles

6min

Regulating the Nervous System and Supporting Overall Well-being through Awareness and Therapies

5min

The Power of Supplements and Healing Mental Health

3min

Chasing hot and cold behavior, tolerating inconsistency & trying to change emotional unavailability doesn’t sound attractive, so why the F is it attractive to some of us? Does the truth lie within our nervous system? Sarah Murphy, biology of trauma expert, would say yes and that someone with a dysregulated nervous system, who is wired for a high baseline of stress, will find stable relationships and people *boring* and will search for a chemical cocktail of excitement from people who are just not quite right for them.

The pair get into:

How attraction ties back to our nervous system
Why we keep attracting the same types of people repeatedly
Why we search for a highs through romantic love and romantic drama
Why stable relationships feel so boring to some of us
Why Mr. Nice Guy, or Mr. Nice Girl can feel so uncomfortable too
Why the spark disappears as the relationship progresses
The biology of the ick
‘Love addiction’ and whether being addicted to someone is the same as being addicted to a drug
The biochemical drivers of cheating

Louise also shares her experience of how her ex reaching out to her after two years impacted her on a VERY interesting biochemical level.

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