The Connection Between Nervous System and Relationships

This chapter discusses the connection between our nervous system and our relationships. It explains that the state of our nervous system affects who we are attracted to, the health of our relationships, and our behaviors of chasing or fleeing. The chapter also touches on polyvagal theory, childhood experiences, and how our caregiver's attachment affects our later adult attachments.

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Chasing hot and cold behavior, tolerating inconsistency & trying to change emotional unavailability doesn’t sound attractive, so why the F is it attractive to some of us? Does the truth lie within our nervous system? Sarah Murphy, biology of trauma expert, would say yes and that someone with a dysregulated nervous system, who is wired for a high baseline of stress, will find stable relationships and people *boring* and will search for a chemical cocktail of excitement from people who are just not quite right for them.

The pair get into:

How attraction ties back to our nervous system
Why we keep attracting the same types of people repeatedly
Why we search for a highs through romantic love and romantic drama
Why stable relationships feel so boring to some of us
Why Mr. Nice Guy, or Mr. Nice Girl can feel so uncomfortable too
Why the spark disappears as the relationship progresses
The biology of the ick
‘Love addiction’ and whether being addicted to someone is the same as being addicted to a drug
The biochemical drivers of cheating

Louise also shares her experience of how her ex reaching out to her after two years impacted her on a VERY interesting biochemical level.

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