Dr. Sunita Sah, an organizational psychologist from Cornell and author of 'Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes,' dives into why saying 'no' is such a challenge. She explores societal pressures that encourage compliance over personal autonomy, especially in high-stakes professions. Through personal stories, Sah emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and reframing defiance as an expression of our values. She also discusses the concepts of 'insinuation anxiety' and the need for informed consent in navigating the complexities of assertiveness.
The podcast highlights how social conditioning and childhood experiences create an aversion to saying no, impacting personal and professional interactions.
Dr. Sunita Sah emphasizes the importance of reframing defiance as an expression of one's values rather than mere rebellion against authority.
Deep dives
The Challenge of Saying No
Many individuals find it difficult to decline requests or express disagreement due to social conditioning that values compliance over defiance. This inclination towards acquiescence often stems from childhood experiences, where obedience is equated with being 'good.' For instance, Dr. Sunita Sa recalls her upbringing, where she felt the pressure to conform to familial and societal expectations, which contributed to her long-standing struggle with saying no. The podcast highlights the societal and personal cost of incessantly saying yes, emphasizing that this pressure can lead to discomfort and a sense of being muted.
Understanding Insinuation Anxiety
Insinuation anxiety refers to the fear of how noncompliance might be perceived by others, leading individuals to remain silent even in critical situations. Dr. Sa provides examples from the healthcare sector, citing that many professionals hesitate to speak up when witnessing errors. This form of anxiety constrains individuals not just in high-stakes environments but also in everyday interactions, such as at a hair salon where one may struggle to challenge an unflattering haircut. The podcast parallels this phenomenon across various industries, highlighting its pervasive nature and the serious risks associated with it.
Privilege in Defiance
The discussion on defiance reveals a troubling truth: not everyone has the equal ability to defy societal demands without facing greater consequences. Dr. Sa explains that marginalized individuals are often expected to comply more than their privileged counterparts, creating an imbalance in who can safely express dissent. This disparity can lead to a culture where the costs of defiance are disproportionately borne by those already disadvantaged. The podcast encourages listeners to reflect on these dynamics and advocate for a more equitable environment where all voices can confidently assert their values.
Reframing Defiance and Consent
Dr. Sa unfolds a new definition of defiance, emphasizing that it is not just rebellion, but instead a manifestation of one's true values in the face of external pressures. She clarifies the distinction between compliance and consent, noting that true consent involves having the knowledge and freedom to say no, as opposed to just conforming to demands. The podcast stresses that understanding this difference is crucial for personal empowerment and authenticity. By viewing defiance as a positive and necessary action, individuals can more effectively uphold their values in various areas of life, fostering a culture of mutual respect.
Whether it’s declining an invitation, disagreeing with a boss or questioning a doctor, why is it so hard for us to say “no?” In her new book, Cornell organizational psychologist Dr. Sunita Sah draws on behavioral science to look at the pressure we feel to comply and explains why acts of defiance should be seen as expressions of our values. Sah’s new book is “Defy: The Power of No In A World That Demands Yes.” When do you struggle to say no?
Dr. Sunita Sah, author, physician-turned-organizational psychologist, Cornell University; Her new book is ‘Defy: The Power of No In A World That Demands Yes’.
Get the Snipd podcast app
Unlock the knowledge in podcasts with the podcast player of the future.
AI-powered podcast player
Listen to all your favourite podcasts with AI-powered features
Discover highlights
Listen to the best highlights from the podcasts you love and dive into the full episode
Save any moment
Hear something you like? Tap your headphones to save it with AI-generated key takeaways
Share & Export
Send highlights to Twitter, WhatsApp or export them to Notion, Readwise & more
AI-powered podcast player
Listen to all your favourite podcasts with AI-powered features
Discover highlights
Listen to the best highlights from the podcasts you love and dive into the full episode