How to Become Resilient

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Oct 1, 2025

Discover the true essence of resilience—it's not about ignoring pain but acting despite it. Explore fascinating stories, like Shackleton’s epic Antarctic survival, and learn why some thrive anywhere while others need the right environment. Uncover the science behind mindset, from the Goldilocks zone of stress to the power of humor and community. Dive into actionable strategies for building resilience through practical lifestyle changes and meaningful social connections. Embrace challenges and transform your mindset to become someone who does hard things!

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ANECDOTE

Shackleton’s Complete Crew Rescue

Ernest Shackleton’s Endurance expedition got trapped, sank, and stranded the crew in Antarctica for nearly two years.
Shackleton led an 800-mile lifeboat rescue and returned to save every crew member without a single death.

insights

INSIGHT

Resilience Means Acting Despite Pain

Resilience is feeling pain but acting in your best interest despite it.
Resilient people aren’t emotionless; they don’t let feelings hijack their actions.

insights

INSIGHT

Resilience Is Adaptive, Not A Bounce Back

Resilience originally described materials 'bouncing back' but people rarely return to prior baseline.
Modern definitions emphasize adaptation and growth after adversity, not simple recovery.

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Shackleton's Endurance: Why resilience isn't numbness

04:50 • 6min

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Episode Structure and Experiential Test

10:21 • 3min

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Defining Resilience: From engineering to anti-fragility

13:13 • 11min

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Dandelions vs. Orchids: Developmental sensitivity and fit

24:03 • 13min

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Genes, Environment, and Protective Factors

36:46 • 2min

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The Resilience Engine: Anterior Cingulate Cortex

39:01 • 6min

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Trainable Physiology: Exercise, HRV, and vagal tone

45:04 • 15min

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Gut Microbiome and Resilience

01:00:13 • 8min

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Lifestyle Reserves: Sleep, nutrition, and habits matter

01:08:37 • 9min

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Goldilocks Zone of Pain and Stress Inoculation

01:17:24 • 3min

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Mindset 1 — Perception of Possibility and Self-Efficacy

01:20:25 • 7min

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Case Study: Janos Kouros and mindset-driven endurance

01:27:52 • 11min

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Mindset 2 — Stories Are Just Stories (CBT)

01:38:26 • 5min

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Mindset 3 — Focus on What You Can Control

01:43:54 • 15min

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Mindset 4 — Make It Fun and Use Humor

01:59:12 • 12min

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Mindset 5 — Identity: You Are Someone Who Does Hard Things

02:11:07 • 16min

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Applying Mindsets to Real Loss and Breakups

02:27:11 • 27sec

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Roseto Effect: Social Networks Buffer Health Risks

02:27:38 • 4min

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Co-regulation and the Social Basis of Resilience

02:31:15 • 4min

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Building Resilient Social Circles: Depth, Rituals, and Purpose

02:35:19 • 22min

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80-20: High-Leverage Actions to Build Resilience

02:57:43 • 14min

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Trade-offs of High Resilience: Costs and Risks

03:11:50 • 11min

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Personal Takeaways: Context, enforced cheerfulness, and fit

• Mentioned in 179 episodes

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Mark Manson

In this book, Mark Manson argues against the typical self-help advice of constant positivity, instead suggesting that life's struggles give it meaning. He emphasizes the need to focus on what truly matters and to accept and confront painful truths. The book is divided into nine chapters and uses blunt honesty and profanity to illustrate its ideas, encouraging readers to find meaning through values they can control and to replace uncontrollable values with more meaningful ones.

#5508

• Mentioned in 6 episodes

American sniper

The Autobiography of the Most Lethal Sniper in U.S. Military History

Chris Kyle

The book tells the story of Chris Kyle's life, from his childhood in Odessa, Texas, to his Navy SEAL training and his four tours in Iraq. It describes his role in key battles, including the battle for Ramadi, where he earned the nickname 'the Devil of Ramadi' from Iraqi insurgents. The book also includes accounts from Kyle's wife, Taya, about the strains of war on their family and marriage. It is a gripping and personal account of Kyle's extraordinary battlefield experiences and the impact of war on his life and those around him.

#1336

• Mentioned in 22 episodes

Everything is Fucked

A Book About Hope

Mark Manson

In this book, Mark Manson explores the crisis of hope in modern society, arguing that despite significant improvements in global health, wealth, and safety, people are experiencing a sense of hopelessness. He delves into the nature of human existence, the role of emotions, and the importance of pain in personal growth. Manson critiques the self-help industry and modern societal values, advocating for a more intrinsic and unconditional approach to living. He draws on philosophical ideas, particularly from Friedrich Nietzsche, and presents a unique perspective on how to find meaning and purpose in a seemingly meaningless world.

#1715

• Mentioned in 18 episodes

Make Your Bed

Little Things That Can Change Your Life and Maybe the World

Admiral William H McRaven

Based on his viral commencement speech at the University of Texas at Austin, Admiral William H. McRaven's book 'Make Your Bed' outlines ten life lessons learned during his Navy SEAL training. These lessons, such as starting your day with a completed task, measuring a person by the size of their heart, and not backing down from challenges, are designed to inspire readers to build discipline, resilience, and a positive attitude. The book uses personal anecdotes and stories from McRaven's military career to illustrate how these simple yet powerful principles can lead to a more meaningful and impactful life.

#237

• Mentioned in 74 episodes

Born to Run

Cathy Freeman

This book recounts Cathy Freeman's journey from a little girl who loved to run to a world champion athlete. It includes her experiences growing up in a loving family, her relationship with her severely disabled sister who inspired her, and her rise to the top in athletics. The book also touches on the challenges she faced, including racism and personal losses, and how she overcame them through hard work, self-belief, and the support of her family. The narrative is honest and simple, making it relatable to young readers. The book is accompanied by black and white photos, some of which are family shots, adding a personal touch to the story.

#5404

• Mentioned in 7 episodes

The Art of Resilience

Strategies for an Unbreakable Mind and Body

Ross Edgley

#2229

• Mentioned in 15 episodes

Never Finished

David Goggins

In 'Never Finished,' David Goggins takes readers inside his 'Mental Lab,' where he developed the philosophy, psychology, and strategies that enabled him to push past his perceived limits. The book is a raw, revealing, and unflinching memoir that provides stories and lessons to help readers climb from adversity to achieve previously unattainable goals. Goggins emphasizes the importance of resilience, self-doubt, and continuous self-improvement, drawing from his experiences as a Navy SEAL and endurance athlete. The book is not just a self-help guide but a wake-up call to challenge oneself and strive for greatness.

Resilience isn’t about pretending you’re fine or never feeling pain—it’s about learning how to act in your best interest despite the pain. In this episode of Solved, we dive deep into the science, psychology, and real-life examples of resilience—from Ernest Shackleton’s crew surviving two years stranded in Antarctica to my own slightly insane decision to run an endurance race with basically no training. Spoiler: I didn’t die.

We cover it all: the biology of resilience, why some people are “dandelions” and thrive anywhere while others are “orchids” who need the right environment, the mindsets that let you push through hardship without losing your mind, and why humor and community might secretly be your best survival tools. And of course, we deliver the real, practical, evidence-based strategies you can actually apply when life inevitably decides to kick you in the teeth.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, stuck, or like you can’t take one more setback, this episode is for you. And if you’re one of those psychos who enjoys doing hard sh*t just to see what you’re made of… well, you’ll feel right at home here.

We also put together a free companion guide for this episode with all the takeaways, references, and tools to help you get your sh*t together once and for all. Download it here: https://solvedpodcast.com/resilience

Ready to stop listening to podcasts and actually start taking action? Join the Solved Community where you can interact with like-minded people who are taking small steps every day to make big changes in their lives: https://membership.solvedpodcast.com/

Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction

04:44 Chapter 1: Reframing Resilience — Definitions & Misconceptions

13:11 The Word That Started It All

16:30 Bounce Forward, Not Back

23:50 Chapter 2: Developmental and Biological Foundations of Resilience

29:26 The Evolutionary Puzzle

38:54 Chapter 3: Biological & Physiological Foundations

44:45 Training Your Brain to Be More Resilient

48:43 The HPA Axis: Our Central Stress Response System

51:19 Heart Rate Variability: The Resilience Rhythm