Going Inside: Healing Trauma from the Inside Out Transforming Shame with Parts Work: The Self-Love Triangle
Dec 1, 2025
In this conversation, David Cooley, a restorative justice facilitator, and Jessica Fern, a seasoned therapist, explore the dynamic interplay of the inner critic, shame, and perfectionism. They unveil the 'shame triangle' and discuss how these parts can keep us stuck. The duo highlights the transformative power of turning the inner critic into a nurturing coach for self-healing. They also delve into how personal histories influence our shame narratives and the importance of redefining success beyond binary outcomes.
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Internal Drama Becomes The Shame Triangle
- The shame triangle internalizes the drama triangle into persecutor, victim, and rescuer roles inside us.
- Inner critic, shame parts, and escapers typically collaborate to keep people stuck.
Perceived Opinion Threats Are Survival Triggers
- Nervous systems treat threats to opinions like survival threats which drives defensive responses.
- That physiology explains why small interpersonal challenges can trigger intense shame reactions.
Couples Can Hold Competing Shame Narratives
- Competing shame parts can make both partners believe they are 'the problem', complicating conflict.
- Often one partner is anchored in shame while the other is dominated by critical parts.
