How Shame Shows Up in Relationships

What if your inner critic, your shame, and your perfectionism are all working together in secret? In this episode, John Clarke sits down with Jessica Fern and David Cooley, authors of Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work, to explore the unconscious internal system that keeps us stuck—and how to break free. Whether you're a therapist, coach, or someone doing deep inner work, this conversation introduces a powerful IFS-inspired framework for turning shame into compassion and healing from the inside out.

Key Takeaways:

• Why shame is rarely just one part—and how inner critics, shame, and escapers work in a triangle
• How to transform the inner critic into an inner coach and move toward self-led healing
• The hidden connection between shame and “success”—and why high-functioning clients often stay stuck

👤 Guests: Jessica Fern & David Cooley

Jessica Fern is a therapist, certified trauma professional, and trained IFS practitioner with 25+ years of experience across somatic, narrative, and psychospiritual healing modalities. She's the internationally recognized author of Polysecure, The Polysecure Workbook, and Polywise. Through her international private practice, she helps clients break free from trauma, insecure attachment, and reactive relational patterns.
🌐 Learn more: JessicaFern.com
📧 Contact: connect@jessicafern.com
📸 Instagram: @jessicafern411

David Cooley is a restorative justice facilitator, cultural broker, and creator of the Restorative Relationship Conversations model. He works with LGBTQ+ and non-monogamous partnerships through a trauma-informed, attachment-based lens—integrating narrative theory, somatic work, and mindfulness.
🌐 Learn more: RestorativeRelationship.com
📸 Instagram: @rrconversations
📖 Their new book: Transforming the Shame Triangle — available wherever books are sold.

Resources & Offerings:

➡️ Free IFS Training for Therapists: From Burnout to Balance: https://go.johnclarketherapy.com/ifs-webinar-podcast
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➡️ 10% Off at Grounding Well – Use code GWJOHNCLARKE or visit: https://www.groundingwell.com/GWJOHNCLARKE
➡️ 10% Off at Dharma Dr. – Use code JOHN or visit: https://dharmadr.com/JOHN

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https://www.johnclarketherapy.com/
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Grab Your Seat for the Free IFS Webinar Here: https://go.johnclarketherapy.com/ifs-webinar-podcast

➡️ Free Training - Learn how to integrate the principles of IFS into your therapy practice: https://go.johnclarketherapy.com/ifs-webinar-podcast