The Tim Ferriss Show

#553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation

Dec 9, 2021

Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation, is a seasoned educator and recovery coach. She shares insights on parenting through 'desirable difficulties' to build resilience in children. Lahey discusses the impact of over-parenting on motivation and independence, emphasizing the need for kids to confront challenges. She also reflects on her struggles with addiction and the importance of open communication about substance awareness. With practical advice, Lahey encourages parents to engage with their children's interests for deeper connections.

01:50:17

Episode guests

Jessica Lahey

AI Summary

Highlights

AI Chapters

Episode notes

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

Parents should allow children to struggle and find their own solutions to build self-confidence and motivation to learn.

Nurturing hope and optimism in children is more effective than solely building self-esteem for fostering overall well-being and success.

Overparenting harms children's motivation and learning by undermining their sense of competence and self-efficacy, leading to a reliance on external rewards.

Clear and consistent messages about substance use are crucial for preventing substance abuse in children, emphasizing the importance of promoting healthy coping skills and responsible choices.

Deep dives

The Importance of Autonomy Support in Parenting

Research shows that when parents are overly directive and do too much for their children, it undermines their feelings of self-efficacy and autonomy. Kids need to experience frustration and struggle in order to develop important skills, such as problem-solving and resilience. Parents who provide autonomy support, allowing children to struggle and find their own solutions, help build their self-confidence and motivation to learn.

The Impact of Over Parenting on Kids' Self Efficacy and Motivation

02:01

Inoculation Theory: Helping Kids Make Better Decisions and Manage Risky Behaviors

01:09

The Impact of Parental Attitudes Toward Underage Drinking

00:58

The Puzzle of Getting Help for Substance Use

00:39

Intro

4min

Exploring Parenting and Resilience through Failure

2min

Navigating Middle School Challenges

11min

Confronting Addiction: A Journey of Realization

14min

The Impact of Over-Parenting on Child Development

11min

The Impact of Overprotective Parenting on Learning and Independence

5min

The Power of Hope in Parenting

7min

Parenting and Substance Awareness

18min

From Setbacks to Success

19min

10.

Investing in Our Children's Interests

16min

11.

Engaging with Listeners and Health Insights

5min

Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation | Brought to you by Wealthfront automated investing and Athletic Greens all-in-one nutritional supplement.

Jessica Lahey (@jesslahey) is the author of the New York Times bestselling book The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Over twenty years, Jessica has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She currently serves as a recovery coach at Sana at Stowe, a medical detox and recovery center in Stowe, Vermont, where 100 percent of her salary goes to a scholarship fund for young adults.

Jessica writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The New York Times, and The Atlantic, is a book critic for Air Mail, and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids’ award-winning The Stinky and Dirty Show. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast with bestselling authors KJ Dell’Antonia and Sarina Bowen from her house in Vermont, where she lives with her husband, two sons, and a lot of dogs.

Please enjoy!

This episode is brought to you by Athletic Greens. I get asked all the time, “If you could only use one supplement, what would it be?” My answer is usually Athletic Greens, my all-in-one nutritional insurance. I recommended it in The 4-Hour Body in 2010 and did not get paid to do so. I do my best with nutrient-dense meals, of course, but AG further covers my bases with vitamins, minerals, and whole-food-sourced micronutrients that support gut health and the immune system.

Right now, Athletic Greens is offering you their Vitamin D Liquid Formula free with your first subscription purchase—a vital nutrient for a strong immune system and strong bones. Visit AthleticGreens.com/Tim to claim this special offer today and receive the free Vitamin D Liquid Formula (and five free travel packs) with your first subscription purchase! That’s up to a one-year supply of Vitamin D as added value when you try their delicious and comprehensive all-in-one daily greens product.

This episode is also brought to you by Wealthfront! Wealthfront pioneered the automated investing movement, sometimes referred to as ‘robo-advising,’ and they currently oversee $20 billion of assets for their clients. It takes about three minutes to sign up, and then Wealthfront will build you a globally diversified portfolio of ETFs based on your risk appetite and manage it for you at an incredibly low cost.

Smart investing should not feel like a rollercoaster ride. Let the professionals do the work for you. Go to Wealthfront.com/Tim and open a Wealthfront account today, and you’ll get your first $5,000 managed for free, for life. Wealthfront will automate your investments for the long term. Get started today at Wealthfront.com/Tim.

For show notes and past guests, please visit tim.blog/podcast.

Sign up for Tim’s email newsletter (“5-Bullet Friday”) at tim.blog/friday.

For transcripts of episodes, go to tim.blog/transcripts.

Discover Tim’s books: tim.blog/books.

Follow Tim:

Twitter: twitter.com/tferriss

Instagram: instagram.com/timferriss

Facebook: facebook.com/timferriss

YouTube: youtube.com/timferriss

Past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, and many more.