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1121: How Managers Can Lead Better TODAY (Not Someday!) with Ali Merchant

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Jan 19, 2026

Guest

Ali Merchant

Ali Merchant, a leadership development consultant and founder of All-In Manager, shares insights from his two decades of experience in training managers. He highlights the importance of embracing difficult conversations to build trust and improve relationships. Ali offers a powerful three-step feedback framework and emphasizes the need for preparing feedback with intention. He also introduces practical one-on-one strategies like focusing on what's top of mind. Throughout, he champions the idea of recognizing effort to enhance difficult discussions and foster better leadership.

43:22

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INSIGHT

Difficult Conversations Improve Relationships

Avoiding difficult conversations usually ruins relationships more than having them.
Responders who prepare and follow steps build better relationships through tough talks.

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ADVICE

Ask Permission Before Feedback

Before giving feedback, ask for permission and schedule the right time to level the playing field.
Giving a heads-up creates psychological safety and makes feedback easier to receive.

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ANECDOTE

Feedback At The Wrong Time Stung

Ali recalls his wife upset because her boss gave hard feedback without reading the room during his surgeries.
That memory taught him the importance of timing and asking if someone is ready for feedback.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Why difficult conversations improve relationships

01:26 • 2min

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How to prepare and give feedback correctly

03:05 • 2min

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Taking permission before delivering feedback

05:34 • 2min

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Share your intention before the message

07:37 • 6min

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What/So what/Now what: a simple feedback script

13:10 • 3min

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When to use deep feedback versus quick notes

16:15 • 2min

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The All-In Manager: core definition

18:05 • 4min

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Caring means both kindness and truth

21:51 • 5min

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Start with positive feedback to enable tough conversations

27:14 • 2min

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Lead today with small one-on-one changes

29:24 • 5min

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Balance priorities, position, and person in one-ons

Studies and memorable management metaphors

Final challenge: give specific recognition

Zen and the Art of Firefighting

A Field Guide to Thriving in Tough Times

Hersch Wilson

'Firefighter Zen: A Field Guide to Thriving in Tough Times' by Hersch Wilson offers wisdom and insights on life and leadership, drawing from the author's experiences as a firefighter. Wilson blends practical advice with philosophical reflections, emphasizing the importance of mindfulness, resilience, and adaptability. The book explores how the principles of Zen Buddhism can be applied to navigate challenging situations and maintain composure under pressure. It highlights the value of teamwork, communication, and the ability to make quick decisions in high-stakes environments. 'Firefighter Zen' provides a unique perspective on personal growth, leadership development, and finding meaning in the face of adversity. It's a guide to cultivating inner strength, enhancing situational awareness, and thriving in tough times.

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The All-In Manager

Become a better leader today, not someday

Ali Merchant

#341

• Mentioned in 73 episodes

Nonviolent Communication

A Language of Life

Marshall B. Rosenberg

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a framework created by Marshall Rosenberg that aims to enhance communication by promoting compassion and empathy. The book outlines a four-step process for effective communication: observing what is happening without judgment, identifying and expressing feelings, recognizing and articulating needs, and making clear requests. Rosenberg emphasizes the importance of separating observations from evaluations to avoid defensiveness and promote genuine human connections. The book includes practical exercises, role-plays, and real-life examples to illustrate how NVC can be applied in various relationships and situations, including personal, professional, and conflict resolution contexts. It also discusses how NVC can help in developing self-compassion and resolving conflicts by focusing on the underlying needs rather than the actions that trigger emotions.

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• Mentioned in 21 episodes

Pre-Suasion

A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade

Robert Cialdini

In this book, Robert Cialdini explains that optimal persuasion is achieved through optimal pre-suasion. He argues that the key to successful persuasion lies in the moment before the message is delivered, where the communicator must redirect the audience's focus of attention to make them receptive. Drawing from extensive research and various examples, including advertising, marketing campaigns, and historical events, Cialdini outlines techniques to prepare audiences and increase the likelihood of agreement. The book is praised for its scientific rigor and practical applicability, making it an essential tool for anyone serious about science-based business strategies.

#795

• Mentioned in 40 episodes

How to Know a Person

The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

David Brooks

David Brooks's "How to Know a Person" delves into the complexities of human relationships, exploring how we perceive and understand others. The book emphasizes the importance of empathy, active listening, and self-awareness in building meaningful connections. Brooks challenges readers to move beyond superficial judgments and embrace a deeper understanding of themselves and those around them. He argues that true connection requires vulnerability and a willingness to be seen authentically. Ultimately, the book offers a practical guide to fostering richer, more fulfilling relationships.

Ali Merchant reveals the small shifts you can implement today to become a better leader immediately.

— YOU’LL LEARN —

1) How to make difficult conversations easier

2) The three things exceptional managers do

3) How to upgrade your one-on-ones with one question

Subscribe or visit AwesomeAtYourJob.com/ep1121 for clickable versions of the links below.

— ABOUT ALI —

Ali Merchant has spent two decades scaling Learning & Development departments for public companies, tech brands, and the world’s largest ad agencies. Today, he’s the founder of All-In Manager, a leadership development firm that trains and coaches managers to become leaders.

Since 2018, Ali has trained thousands of managers and coached hundreds of senior leaders worldwide. He's also the author of The All-In Manager: Become a better leader today, not someday. Ali lives in Chicago with his wife, Sarah, and their dog, Lenny.

• Book: The All-In Manager: Become a better leader today. Not Someday

• LinkedIn: Ali Merchant

• Website: AllInManager.com

— RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE SHOW —

• Study: “The rocky road from actions to intentions” by Elizabeth Newton

• Tool: Descript

• Tool: Google NotebookLM

• Book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides) by Marshall Rosenberg and Deepak Chopra

• Book: Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade by Robert Cialdini

• Book: How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks

• Book: Firefighter Zen: A Field Guide to Thriving in Tough Times by Hersch Wilson

— THANK YOU SPONSORS! —

• Monarch.com. Get 50% off your first year on with the code AWESOME.

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