In this engaging discussion, Vanessa Bohns, a social psychologist and Cornell professor, reveals how we often underestimate our own power of persuasion. She explores the discomfort of saying no and highlights the surprising impact of asking for favors in person. Bohns emphasizes the importance of personal connections over digital communication for true happiness. She also discusses the illusion of being unnoticed and the ethical responsibilities tied to influence, encouraging listeners to embrace their presence and awareness of their social impact.
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Penn Station Survey
Vanessa Bohns found surveying strangers at Penn Station traumatic, yet her data revealed a high success rate.
This sparked her research into the disconnect between perceived and actual influence.
insights INSIGHT
Underestimating Influence
People underestimate their influence, expecting more rejections than they receive. This holds true across demographics, demonstrated in lab studies.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Man on the Street Anxiety
Dan Harris recalls his anxiety-inducing experiences doing "man on the street" interviews for TV news.
This highlights the common fear of rejection when asking strangers for favors.
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In this book, social psychologist Vanessa Bohns draws from her original research to illustrate why people fail to recognize the influence they have on others. She explains how this lack of awareness can lead to missed opportunities or the accidental misuse of power. Bohns weaves together compelling stories with cutting-edge science to answer questions about the impact of our words, actions, and presence on others. The book offers strategies for observing the effect we have on others, reconsidering our fear of rejection, and sometimes pulling back to use our influence less. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing the influence we already possess rather than seeking ways to gain more influence[2][3][5].
The All-or-Nothing Marriage
How the Best Marriages Work
Eli Finkel
In this book, Eli J. Finkel presents a groundbreaking investigation of marriage, showing that the best marriages today are superior to those of earlier eras. He combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice, discussing the evolution of marriage from providing basic needs like food and shelter to modern expectations of love, companionship, and personal growth. Finkel introduces 'lovehacks' and strategies for better communication and responsiveness, and offers guidance on recalibrating expectations. The book is designed for anyone looking to improve their marriage, from newlyweds to empty nesters, and those considering marriage or remarriage.
Sea of Tranquility
Emily St John Mandel
Station Eleven
Emily St John Mandel
New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.
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It can be difficult to grasp how much power of persuasion we actually have, or how to wield it wisely.
In today’s episode we look at science-based strategies for observing the effect we have on others, and how to better deal with our fear of rejection, and asking for favors.
Vanessa Bohns is a social psychologist and a professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University. She is the author of You Have More Influence Than You Think: How We Underestimate Our Power of Persuasion, and Why it Matters.
In this episode we talk about:
How much we often underestimate our own influence
Why it’s so hard to say no
Why people are paying attention to us more than we think
The impact of asking for things in-person
The responsibility that comes with being in a position of power
What it means to experience your own influence
And how we can be more aware of the influence we have
10% Happier with Dan Harris 
