Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at Wharton, joins Vanessa Bonds, a Cornell professor who studies influence, and Sherry Liu, founder of the Eldest Daughter Club, for a captivating discussion on the art of saying no. They tackle the societal pressures that compel us to please others, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries for personal well-being. With personal anecdotes and research insights, they reveal how delivering polite refusals can strengthen relationships and boost self-respect, ultimately helping to create healthier connections both personally and professionally.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
The Tragic Giving Tree Anecdote
The Giving Tree story highlights an extreme people-pleasing relationship where the tree sacrifices everything for the boy.
The story ends sadly with the tree as a stump, illustrating a toxic dynamic rather than love.
insights INSIGHT
Root of People-Pleasing
People-pleasing behaviors stem from craving approval, not just concern for others.
This reliance on external validation leads to emotional exhaustion and one-sided relationships.
insights INSIGHT
Acquaintance Trap Explained
We feel most pressure to say yes to acquaintances due to relationship uncertainty.
Saying no to close friends or strangers feels easier than to acquaintances, a trap called the acquaintance trap.
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Charlotte's Web, written by E.B. White, is a timeless children's classic that tells the story of Wilbur, a pig, and Charlotte, a spider, who form an unlikely friendship. The story is set on a farm and revolves around the efforts of Charlotte to save Wilbur from being slaughtered. Through their relationship, the book explores themes of friendship, courage, self-sacrifice, and the natural cycle of life and death. The novel is known for its vivid depiction of farm life and its ability to address complex emotions and themes in a way that is accessible to children. The book has been widely acclaimed and has sold over 45 million copies worldwide since its publication in 1952.
The Giving Tree
Shel Silverstein
The Giving Tree is a children's picture book that follows the relationship between an apple tree and a boy from childhood to old age. The tree selflessly provides for the boy's needs at each stage of his life, from apples and branches to a trunk for a boat. Despite the boy's increasing demands and eventual neglect, the tree continues to give, highlighting themes of unconditional love, selflessness, and the consequences of human actions on nature. The book is a powerful metaphor for life, love, and the importance of appreciating and respecting the gifts of nature and relationships.
In a world filled with requests, many of us are struggling to stay afloat. Even if you’re not a people-pleaser, the desire to maintain a positive reputation can make it hard to turn others down. In this episode, Adam explores the art and science of delivering an effective “no.” He highlights strategies for setting boundaries with others to create space for yourself—and healthier relationships with those around you.
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