Is your leadership style accidentally putting your team on the defensive? When people feel threatened, they stop thinking creatively. In this episode, negotiation expert Derek Gaunt shares how Tactical Empathy®—the same approach used by hostage negotiators—can build deep trust and psychological safety, transforming tough conversations into your greatest advantage for alignment, innovation, and growth.
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Show Notes:
- Tactical empathy—the intentional use of emotional intelligence to recognize and articulate another’s perspective—is the foundation of every effective negotiation or sensitive leadership conversation.
- Leaders who default to authority build resentment; team members may comply only at the surface level and secretly resist or seek passive revenge.
- Trust, instead of authority, generates loyalty, engagement, and team buy-in, empowering members to stretch beyond their comfort zones for a shared mission.
- Seeking input isn’t just about changing course; it builds “credit” with your team and ensures stronger collaboration and more innovative solutions because people feel known, heard, and included.
- Any conversation where you “want” or “need” something, even a positive opportunity, makes you a perceived threat because you’re asking someone to leave their status quo and face discomfort.
- All team members instinctively react to these perceived threats, but if you remove yourself as a threat, team dialogue instantly shifts from defensive to open, innovative, and solution-focused.
- The C.A.V.I.AA.R.™ mindset (Curiosity, Acceptance, Venting, Identifying, Accusation Audit®, and Remembering) can help you mentally prepare for any difficult conversation, from performance reviews to new growth opportunities.
- An Accusation Audit—pre-emptively naming likely concerns—can help you reduce resistance and create open dialogue, especially when asking for change or sharing tough news.
- Labeling and acknowledging emotions (both your own and others’) moves conversations out of reactive mode and into productive solution-finding.
- Sequencing is key: first, discover perspectives; then, guide with your insights; finally, lead the way to action and accountability.
- Documenting challenging conversations isn’t just HR best practice—it’s a strategic tool for creating clarity, ensuring accountability, and protecting your company’s culture and momentum.
- Avoiding tough conversations keeps organizations stuck, while proactively engaging with conflict builds resilience and better results.
- It’s important to not only know your default conflict personality (assertive, analyst, or accommodator) but to adapt it to connect with different types on your team.
- True influence aims for a mutually beneficial outcome, unlike manipulation, which is solely self-serving.
- The highest cost of avoiding a difficult conversation isn’t discomfort—it’s the stagnation and misalignment that silently drain your company’s potential.
Resources:
Ego, Authority, Failure by Derek Gaunt
The Black Swan Group
Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss
What You Need to Know About Tactical Empathy®
Shannon Waller's Team Success 
