What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

How do we find support when our family of origin is no longer around or has otherwise rejected us? Francesca Royster, author of the new memoir Choosing Family: A Memoir of Queer Motherhood and Black Resistance, explains the concepts of chosen family, finding joy in the everyday, and the resistance that is part of telling hard stories.Margaret and Francesca discuss: What inspired Francesca to write her memoir What it's like to enter motherhood at an older age The process of adopting her daughter Taking pleasure in the reality of everyday life can really help you connect with loved ones in your family, chosen or blood-related. And telling stories about hardship and tragedy can actually help us gain perspective and have more hope about the world, not less.Here's where you can find Francesca: Her faculty page on the DePaul University website @roysterfrancesca on IG @francesca.royster.1 on FB Buy Francesca's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781419756177 Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month. Care.com is where you can find the help you need to make it all work for your family. Sign up at Care.com/book now and see why over 3 million families use this amazing platform.EveryPlate plans meals and delivers pre-portioned ingredients right to your door. Get started for just $1.49 per meal by going to everyplate.com/podcast and entering code wfh149.Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod60 and use code wfhpod60 for 60% off plus free shipping!Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.LuvBug is the world’s first socio-emotional gaming platform. Go to LuvBuglearning.com and sign up for a 7-day free trial, or simply download from the app store and subscribe.You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month we are reaching back into our brain archives for the worst, best, and jobbiest jobs we've ever had! To listen to the full episode, you can subscribe to What Fresh Hell Plus at http://whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm/ for $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Get monthly bonus episodes and all of our content ad-free!Topics include: Petty cash BJ McKay and his best friend, Bear Baskin-Robbins flavors How to thank a waitress (money - it's money.)  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you're a stay-at-home parent, how do you answer to the people who frequently– and annoyingly– ask, "So, what do you do all day?"A listener in our Facebook group posted:"During Covid, I quit my job and I’ve been home. I drive my kids to school, work out, and manage the house and family. I’m very happy and fulfilled, especially knowing that my eldest will be leaving for college soon, I’m soaking up this time. My problem is trying to explain this to others. I have a good college degree and worked in a decent field before I quit. I guess I feel pressure to work and use my skills. One well-intentioned retired woman at my gym was actually trying to figure out how I can not drive my kids to school so that I could go back to work. I’ve even considered lying and saying I work part time at home to get people off my case."A pre-pandemic Gallup analysis 60,000 women in the U.S. revealed that more than a quarter of SAHMs report feeling depressed. The researchers suggested that “societal recognition of the difficult job stay-at-home mothers have raising children would perhaps help support them emotionally.” Don't stay up waiting for that to happen. America’s mothers have continued to say that society is not supporting them. Do we just decide not to let these misperceptions of stay-at-home parenthood bother us? Do we fight back, bring lists, demand the respect that our hard work deserves? Will that get us anywhere?Links: Our episode with Laura Vanderkam on time management for moms Laura's piece: "The working stay-at-home mom" Motherly’s 2022 State of Motherhood Survey Report Consider This on NPR: The Great Resignation: Why People Are Leaving Their Jobs In Growing Numbers Gallup: Stay-at-Home Moms Report More Depression, Sadness, Anger Emily Glover for Motherly: It’s harder than ever before for families to get by on a single income Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3zSpecial thanks to our sponsors for this month:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month. Care.com is where you can find the help you need to make it all work for your family. Sign up at Care.com/book now and see why over 3 million families use this amazing platform.EveryPlate plans meals and delivers pre-portioned ingredients right to your door. Get started for just $1.49 per meal by going to everyplate.com/podcast and entering code wfh149.Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod60 and use code wfhpod60 for 60% off plus free shipping!Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.LuvBug is the world’s first socio-emotional gaming platform. Go to LuvBuglearning.com and sign up for a 7-day free trial, or simply download from the app store and subscribe.You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we know when to control the choices our teens make and when to let them make their own mistakes?A listener asked:"Moms of teenagers, how do you stop trying to micromanage their worlds? My daughter is no longer interested in an extracurricular activity she’s done for years. I'm trying to talk her into continuing but she’s pushing back. It’s hard to know when it’s okay to let them decide what things they want to do as opposed to the things you think are good for them to do."Amy explains that it's okay to micromanage your teens sometimes, as long as you choose your battles– which means everything can't be a battle. Making sure kids sign up for standardized testing might be a place where you micromanage– but that might also mean letting that their desperate need for a haircut go without mention.Making mistakes and learning from them is part of the work of becoming an adult. As hard as it can be to watch our kids make choices with which we might disagree, when we can let those ramifications play out, we're helping our teens grow.Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There's a mental health crisis among teens. Teens are also highly emotional creatures by design. Adolescent psycholost Dr. Lisa Damour thinks the two are starting to get conflated– and that means parents and educators can sometimes overcorrect in their responses to teens' emotional outbursts. Dr. Lisa Damour co-hosts the Ask Lisa podcast and writes about adolescents for the The New York Times, in addition to her clinical practice. She is the author of two New York Times bestsellers: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood and Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls. Dr. Lisa's latest book is called The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents.  In this interview Amy and Lisa discuss: Why good sleep is the first thing we need to help dysregulated teens solve What the pandemic actually revealed about teens' mental health Key myths and misconceptions about adolescent emotions Dr. Lisa says that we– and our teenagers– can gain much by asking if the strong emotion a teen may be feeling is uncomfortable or unmanageable. If it's uncomfortable, learning to sit with that is part of the process of healthy emotional maturation.Here's where you can find Lisa: our previous interview with Dr. Lisa https://drlisadamour.com/ @lisa.damour on IG https://www.facebook.com/lisadamourphd Buy Lisa's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593500019 Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month. Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping!Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked our listeners what minor and yet life-changing advice they have to offer. From bringing Sharpies everywhere, to cleaning the shower in the shower, to milkshakes after doctors' appointments, our lives just got a whole lot better!Margaret and Amy discuss: The correct way to boil corn What really goes in the glove compartment (not gloves) Amy's meet-cute with her husband "Let's Make a Deal" Links! "Bag o' Glass" on SNLSpecial thanks to our sponsors for this month:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month. Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping!Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A listener asks:"Has anyone had success in helping their kids becoming ”better” at losing? Sports, board games, even school work…anything that they get frustrated with, it is to an extreme degree. I have three boys ages 7, 5 and 4 and they all do the same things—always throwing a huge tantrum."Margaret explains that it's important to have a good offense in situations like these. Don't try and reason with your kid right after they've suffered a loss and lecture them on Buddhist philosophies of nonattachment. Talk to your kid before the game/event about what is important in these situations, like being a good teammate and practicing in order to get better at something.Links! Cleveland Clinic: "Sore Loser? How to Help Your Child Handle Disappointment"Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $3.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.Psychologist Susan Linn, author of WHO'S RAISING THE KIDS? BIG TECH, BIG BUSINESS, AND THE LIVES OF CHILDREN, isn't anti-technology. She's anti-advertising to children, and has spent her long career spotlighting the "monumental shift towards a digitized-commercialized childhood." With smart speakers and screens at arms' reach wherever kids go, digital technologies continue to evolve much faster than our understanding of the ramifications of their dominance in our kids' lives.Susan began her career as award-winning ventriloquist (here she is on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood!) and has become a world-renowned expert on creative play and the impact of media and commercial marketing on children. In this episode, Susan tells us Why her point isn't to make parents feel guilty Why the best kinds of toys for children do very little How branding can creep in where we sometimes don't even perceive it What we can do to set parameters on the commercializing of our own kids' lives Here's where you can find Susan: Twitter: @drsusanlinn susanlinn.net fairplayforkids.org Buy Susan's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781620972274 Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month. Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping!Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you worry about finding the balance between forcing your kid to keep doing activities that are good for them (that you already paid for) and not letting them be miserable all the time? How do you keep them on track academically without having to run flashcards with them about the Peloponnesian War for the billionth time? Here's what the research says about when to push our kids - and when to let sleeping (Peloponnesian) dogs lie.A listener in our Facebook group asks:"How do you decide when to push your kids? Like when to go from YMCA basketball to the travel team. Or when to go from regular school to the accelerated program, or the private school that's more rigorous. When to apply for the stretch school or the internship? We don't want to ruin hobbies or turn the stress up to 11, obviously. So how do you know which knob to turn and when to turn it so that their ambition, their ability, and their achievement all line up in perfect balance and harmony?"Amy and Margaret discuss: The “optimal push” and how it's different from over-parenting Achievement-by-proxy distortion (sing out, Louise!) The factors to consider when pushing your child to do something Ultimately, kids are optimally supported when they believe their parents’ love is not performance-contingent. The answer lies in helping them fulfill their potential without damaging their self-esteem.LINKS! Amy Wilson for New York Family: Finding the Optimal Push Our episode "How Not To Live Through Our Kids" Dr. Eddie Brummelman et al: My Child Redeems My Broken Dreams: On Parents Transferring Their Unfulfilled Ambitions onto Their Child Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month. Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping!Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply.You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial.Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today.Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is there anything worse? Your kid is begging for a playdate at a friend's house, while that friend is standing right there listening. Plus that kid's mother. And the thing is, you think this other kid is not such a good friend for your child to have. What do you do? A listener in our Facebook group asks:"My kid is 7 years old. Has anyone ever experienced your child making a friend but you don’t feel comfortable with your child going over to their house solo for play dates? Any advice for how to navigate and what to say when your child is invited over? What if you got a chance to know the parent meeting at the park or a school event or sports but you didn’t get the vibe that you’d be comfortable with your child going over there— but you see them all the time and talk to the mom often and the kids beg for play dates in front of both parents?" Amy suggests preparing a script ahead of time for politely declining in the moment and then exploring later what it is that's making you hesitant about this playdate. Is it the parents? The kid him/herself? Do you have anxiety about your kid playing at anyone's house, or just this kid? Sit with the discomfort and try to determine its root cause. Then go with your gut, while remaining open to receiving more information about the friend (or the friendship) later on that just might change your mind.Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices