back from the borderline
mollie adler
I don’t want to talk to your personality; I want to talk to your soul. Imagine if your most painful and debilitating mental health symptoms and self-sabotaging behaviors aren’t evidence of 'disorder' or 'dysfunction', but adaptive strategies that once kept you safe. My goal is to help you shift from asking ‘What’s wrong with me?’ to ‘What happened to me?’The word ‘borderline’ in this podcast has nothing to do with psychiatric labels. It has everything to do with coming back from the inner psychological brink we all experience. Everyone has found themselves on the edge, in that liminal space where the old self falls apart and the new Self emerges. Here, we explore what it means to undergo true emotional alchemy: that ancient and primordial process of falling apart, confronting the underworld of our psyche, and falling back together into someone stronger, wiser, and more whole.Many highly sensitive people who identify with the seemingly never-ending list of diagnostic mental health labels contained within ‘the bible of psychiatry’ (the DSM) share the same underlying sense of being irreparably broken, disconnected from their intuition, and paralyzed by life’s existential questions. I believe the resulting—and perfectly understandable—chronic feelings of emptiness and spiritual starvation are the TRUE causes of our current collective ‘mental health crisis.’Together, we’ll dive into depth psychology, mythology, human consciousness, critical psychiatry, and the impact of trauma to help you begin the process of emotional alchemy. This exploration will help you get to the root cause of your suffering and free yourself from the toxic shame, limiting beliefs, and mental programming that have kept you locked in the chains of your past.In an era where mental health and spirituality are too often commercialized, I’m not here as a guru with a quick fix to sell you. I don’t believe anyone is ever truly ‘healed’ or ‘cured.’ There is no return to some mythical state of pre-trauma purity, but rather a continuous spiral of unbecoming, unlearning, and transformation. As a fellow seeker, I will be there in your ear, walking alongside you on your path toward wholeness as a sort of parasocial big sister. That, I can promise.By integrating the concepts we explore together, you’ll begin to see that anyone—even you—can come back from the borderline.CRAVING MORE? Visit backfromtheborderline.com to dive into my universe, connect with me, access my Patreon, and discover more about my journey and work. Don’t forget to follow Back from the Borderline so new episodes on Tuesdays and Thursdays automatically drop into your podcast feed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Episodes
Mentioned books
Mar 7, 2023 • 1h 43min
healing control and codependency issues to get your needs met in a healthier way
Do your relationships leave you feeling frustrated, resentful, or unfulfilled? If you’re tired of struggling with intimacy and connection, this episode offers a compassionate look at codependency and the often hidden expectations that can erode closeness. Together, we’ll uncover how “control dramas” can push love away and examine the common trap of setting unrealistic expectations in relationships.We’ll also listen to a voicemail from a listener who’s grappling with these very issues and fears she’s sabotaging her own chance at real love and intimacy. By the end of the episode, you’ll gain clarity on how to identify and voice your needs in a relationship—without it ending in conflict or emotional burnout.Topics covered include:Recognizing codependency patterns and their impact on intimacyWhat are “control dramas” and how they damage relationshipsMoving past resentment and frustration toward healthier connectionsTips for communicating your needs without emotional explosionsHow to create a more fulfilling and balanced partnershipThis episode is for anyone ready to let go of old patterns and find a more authentic path to love and connection. Join me as we dive deep into the real challenges—and solutions—for building fulfilling relationships.Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Feb 28, 2023 • 1h 17min
your personality masks are blocking access to your TRUE self
Have you ever felt like you’re playing a role rather than being your true self? In this episode, we dive into the concept of “personality masks” and how they can keep us from connecting with our authentic selves. We’ll unpack what “Self” and “personality” truly mean and explore why so many of us develop these protective masks—often as a response to social pressures, trauma, or past experiences.We’ll discuss how masking behaviors can show up in daily life, particularly for those who identify with conditions like ADHD, Autism, or traits associated with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). By examining common signs of personality masking and examples of masking behaviors, you’ll gain insight into how these tendencies might be affecting your mental health and relationships. Plus, we’ll highlight the different types of masks people use, the unconscious reasons behind them, and the psychological toll they can take over time. If you’re ready to start the journey of unmasking, this episode provides practical tips for recognizing and shedding these layers, helping you reconnect with a more authentic, grounded version of yourself.Key insights and topics covered include:What is a “personality mask” and how it impacts mental well-beingRecognizing signs of masking in everyday lifeWhy masking is commonly associated with ADHD, Autism, and BPD traitsThe psychological cost of wearing personality masksHow to unmask and connect with your true self in a healthy, empowering wayThis conversation offers tools and insights for anyone feeling disconnected from their true self and seeking to live more authentically.Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Feb 14, 2023 • 52min
sober curious: a fresh and dialectical approach to alcohol use
With the rise of the “sober curious” movement, more people than ever are questioning the role alcohol plays in their lives and exploring what it means to live (or drink) more mindfully. Inspired by a wave of viral stories and transformations, I set out to uncover what this lifestyle is all about and how it’s challenging social norms around drinking. In this episode, we’ll break down the concept of being “sober curious,” tracing its origins and hearing from voices within the movement who are reshaping our understanding of alcohol and wellness. From redefining social drinking to understanding why Gen Z is leading a cultural shift away from alcohol, we’ll explore the upsides, the challenges, and the powerful potential of a sober curious life.Topics include:How the sober curious movement started and its growing influence on wellness cultureThe concept of mindful drinking and ways to integrate it into your social lifeWhy a growing number of people are choosing to question their relationship with alcoholInsights into Gen Z’s changing attitudes toward drinking and social connectionWhether you’re considering a break from alcohol or just want a fresh perspective, this episode offers an inviting look at the benefits and possibilities of going “sober curious.”Referenced resources: ■ Book: “Sober Curious” by Ruby Warrington ■ Book: “Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice Not to Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol”Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Feb 7, 2023 • 60min
"am i crazy, or are they gaslighting me?"
In this episode, we dive deep into the emotional turbulence of high-conflict relationships, focusing on a listener’s experience with being gaslit. When Jade called in to share how she’s been made to feel “too much” or “too sensitive,” it highlighted the destructive power of gaslighting—and how easily mental health stigma can fuel feelings of self-doubt and guilt. Together, we’ll unpack the signs and effects of gaslighting, from the subtle shifts in self-perception to the ways it can derail emotional stability. We’ll also explore how partners who are open about their mental health can sometimes be manipulated into taking blame, and why self-soothing and emotional intelligence are key skills for handling intense relationship dynamics. Whether you’re navigating a high-conflict relationship, dealing with unresolved guilt, or simply seeking clarity, this episode will offer guidance and practical steps for reclaiming your sense of self.Key topics covered include:Recognizing gaslighting and understanding its impact on your self-trustIdentifying if and when your partner might be using gaslighting tacticsThe damaging role of mental health stigma in relationshipsTips for initiating the conversation about couple’s therapySelf-soothing strategies and conflict resolution for high-conflict couplesMoving beyond the blame game to build healthier emotional dynamicsTune in for an honest conversation on gaslighting, emotional resilience, and the road to building stronger, more self-aware relationships.Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jan 31, 2023 • 46min
blindsided by betrayal: learning to love again after being cheated on
This week’s episode dives into some raw and relatable relationship struggles that many of us grapple with behind closed doors. We’ll listen to Liz’s story of battling guilt and shame after feeling responsible for her boyfriend’s eviction from his friend group’s apartment, and we’ll hear from Otillia, who is facing the painful aftermath of discovering that the person she’d been dating was hiding a pregnant girlfriend. These listener stories open the door to real, unfiltered discussions on navigating the tough moments that can make or break our self-worth and trust in others.In this episode, we’ll explore:How to rebuild confidence after hurtful feedback and regain a sense of selfPractical ways to cope with feelings of guilt and shame without losing yourself in themManaging social anxiety and finding ease when meeting new people in your partner’s lifeApproaches to building authentic relationships with a partner’s friends without overextendingMoving forward after experiencing betrayal and the shock of infidelityThrough these stories, we’ll reflect on ways to strengthen our emotional resilience and deepen our understanding of ourselves in love and relationships. Whether you’re navigating guilt, trust, or the challenge of building new connections, this episode offers insights and support for the journey.Enjoyed this episode? Explore more as a Premium Submarine. Dive deep into hundreds of hours of exclusive content on Patreon, including my original BPD recovery series, guided meditations, and much more. Click here to preview the premium collections you’ll unlock access to for as little as a couple of cups of coffee a month. Learn more and join at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jan 24, 2023 • 1h 30min
breaking the cycle of pain: moving on and healing from a traumatic breakup
If you’re feeling stuck in the aftermath of a breakup, this episode is a space to help you begin untangling the pain and finding your way back to yourself. Healing from a traumatic separation isn’t a straightforward path—it’s filled with grief, self-doubt, and that persistent question: “Will I ever feel whole again?” We’ll dig deep into the emotional layers of heartbreak, looking at how to rebuild self-worth, embrace closure, and eventually, open up to love once more. We’ll explore how attachments, beliefs, and past traumas can shape our experience of love and loss. From breaking free of trauma bonds and recognizing the patterns of limerence—those addictive, all-consuming feelings that mimic love—to challenging the myth of a “perfect partner,” this episode is about grounding ourselves in reality and embracing a healthier view of relationships and self-worth.Topics include:Finding purpose through helping others and using altruism as a lifelineUnderstanding limerence vs. true love, and breaking free from toxic cyclesInsights into trauma bonding and its effects on adult relationshipsLetting go of the “One” myth to find a more balanced perspective on loveGuided visualization to help you process pain and start moving forwardThrough these reflections, you’ll gain fresh perspectives on navigating breakup pain and new ways to reconnect with yourself.Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jan 17, 2023 • 1h 24min
overcoming executive dysfunction: "why can't i just do the thing?!"
Struggling to stay organized, follow through on plans, or keep your emotions in check? You’re not alone. Many people face challenges with executive functioning—a set of mental skills that can impact everything from daily routines to long-term goals. In this episode, we’re breaking down what executive dysfunction really is, especially as it relates to ADHD and emotion regulation. We’ll dive into why executive dysfunction occurs, how it might show up in everyday life, and, importantly, practical strategies for managing it. Through fresh insights into how childhood development shapes executive skills and reflections on Gabor Maté’s perspectives on ADHD, this conversation is all about understanding the “why” behind these struggles and finding realistic steps to move forward.Listen in to learn about:The basics of executive functions and what happens when they’re disruptedSigns and causes of executive dysfunction (and how to recognize them in yourself)Real-life impacts of executive dysfunction on focus, planning, and emotional regulationHow childhood experiences and ADHD influence executive skillsPractical tools and strategies for building up your executive functioning over timeThis episode offers a compassionate look at executive dysfunction that goes beyond labels. Tune in to discover tools and insights that can help you create a more balanced, fulfilling life.Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jan 10, 2023 • 1h 33min
mental illness is not in your head: evolving beyond the medical model in recovery
In this episode, we’re taking a hard look at the medical model of mental health—a framework that focuses on diagnosis and medication but often falls short in addressing the true complexities of human suffering. Despite decades of research, psychiatrist and medical historian Dr. Marcos Ramos argues in his article “Mental Illness Is Not in Your Head” that traditional psychiatry has made little progress in diagnosing or treating mental health conditions. He suggests a radical shift in perspective: looking beyond the brain to societal, environmental, and psychological factors as essential elements in understanding and healing mental and physical health. We’ll explore how the medical model often overlooks the root causes of distress, and why it’s crucial to consider a more holistic approach to treatment. This episode invites listeners to question conventional psychiatry and embrace a broader perspective on mental health—one that considers trauma, social structures, and emotional well-being as integral parts of healing.Topics discussed include:The limitations of the medical model in treating mental health conditionsWhy mental health diagnosis and treatment may not have advanced as much as we thinkThe importance of addressing environmental, social, and psychological factors for more effective carePractical ways to advocate for yourself and loved ones in a system often focused on labels and medicationThis episode aims to inform and empower, arming you with knowledge to navigate the mental health system with greater confidence—and perhaps even to challenge the status quo in pursuit of true healing.Recommended resources: ■ Full article from the Boston Review – “Mental Illness Is Not in Your Head” by Marco Ramos■ Follow Marcos on Twitter (@mramos_histmed) Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jan 3, 2023 • 1h 19min
how scott broke the cycle of generational family trauma while parenting with emotion dysregulation
In this powerful episode, I’m joined by 67-year-old Scott Schaeffer, whose journey through trauma, self-discovery, and resilience is one of the most impactful stories I've shared on the podcast. Scott’s life was shaped by severe physical and emotional abuse at the hands of his father, along with the struggle of growing up in a household where his mother couldn’t protect him or his siblings. Despite these challenges, Scott cultivated a strong, healthy marriage and chose to break the cycle of trauma in raising his daughter. With the guidance of a supportive psychotherapist, he began to identify with traits commonly associated with borderline personality disorder (BPD), which brought both clarity and healing.Scott’s story is a testament to the power of self-awareness, the importance of emotional resilience, and the possibility of breaking generational trauma patterns. Whether you’re navigating family trauma, emotion dysregulation, or validation addiction, Scott’s insights and experiences will resonate deeply and offer hope.In this episode, we explore:Scott’s path to realizing he needed help and how finding language for his experiences brought empowermentThe impact of BPD traits, like “splitting” (black-and-white thinking), on relationshipsHow validation addiction or approval-seeking can keep us stuck in self-destructive cyclesThe role of childhood trauma and abuse in shaping BPD traits and emotional sensitivityHow Scott overcame the cycle of generational trauma in his own familyWhy men, especially cis-gendered heterosexual males, are less frequently diagnosed with BPD and how the medical model overlooks themThis episode is for anyone seeking to understand their own behaviors, heal from past traumas, or simply find encouragement in another’s resilience. Scott’s story shows that no matter your age or past experiences, it’s possible to find meaning, self-compassion, and peace. Connect with Scott at https://www.usadogbehavior.com/.Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Dec 27, 2022 • 47min
understanding the different models of mental health can help you find a helpful therapist (and avoid harmful ones)
To truly advocate for yourself in mental health treatment, it’s crucial to understand the different frameworks that shape how mental health is approached and treated. The dominant view in Western mental health care, known as the medical model, seeks to pathologize emotional experiences, attributing symptoms to “disorders” or supposed chemical imbalances in the brain. But here’s the catch: the medical model is just one theory, and it’s not without its critics. In this episode, we examine alternative perspectives on mental health, including the trauma-informed approach, which many believe offers a more compassionate and effective way of addressing psychological suffering.We’ll break down the four major models shaping today’s mental health landscape:The Medical Model: The traditional view, focused on diagnosing “disorders” and treating symptoms, often through medication.The Social Model: Emphasizing the role of societal structures and environments in mental health.The Biopsychosocial Model: Integrating biological, psychological, and social factors to understand mental well-being.The Trauma-Informed Model: A growing framework that views emotional distress as a response to trauma rather than a “disorder.”By exploring and critiquing each of these perspectives, you’ll gain insight into why you may have felt disconnected or even disheartened by certain mental health treatments. This episode aims to empower you with knowledge so you can make informed choices and advocate for a therapeutic approach that aligns with your needs and experiences.Listen in to learn:How different mental health models impact treatment outcomesWhy the trauma-informed model is gaining traction as a humane approach to mental healthWhat questions to ask your mental health provider to ensure your care aligns with your valuesThis episode will leave you better equipped to navigate the complexities of mental health care and reclaim your voice in your own healing journey. Recommended resources:■ Article by Mad in America | “Researchers Critique the Medical Model”■ YouTube video by Dr. James Davies | Mental Health, Capitalism & the Sedation of a Nation Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
