back from the borderline
mollie adler
I don’t want to talk to your personality; I want to talk to your soul. Imagine if your most painful and debilitating mental health symptoms and self-sabotaging behaviors aren’t evidence of 'disorder' or 'dysfunction', but adaptive strategies that once kept you safe. My goal is to help you shift from asking ‘What’s wrong with me?’ to ‘What happened to me?’The word ‘borderline’ in this podcast has nothing to do with psychiatric labels. It has everything to do with coming back from the inner psychological brink we all experience. Everyone has found themselves on the edge, in that liminal space where the old self falls apart and the new Self emerges. Here, we explore what it means to undergo true emotional alchemy: that ancient and primordial process of falling apart, confronting the underworld of our psyche, and falling back together into someone stronger, wiser, and more whole.Many highly sensitive people who identify with the seemingly never-ending list of diagnostic mental health labels contained within ‘the bible of psychiatry’ (the DSM) share the same underlying sense of being irreparably broken, disconnected from their intuition, and paralyzed by life’s existential questions. I believe the resulting—and perfectly understandable—chronic feelings of emptiness and spiritual starvation are the TRUE causes of our current collective ‘mental health crisis.’Together, we’ll dive into depth psychology, mythology, human consciousness, critical psychiatry, and the impact of trauma to help you begin the process of emotional alchemy. This exploration will help you get to the root cause of your suffering and free yourself from the toxic shame, limiting beliefs, and mental programming that have kept you locked in the chains of your past.In an era where mental health and spirituality are too often commercialized, I’m not here as a guru with a quick fix to sell you. I don’t believe anyone is ever truly ‘healed’ or ‘cured.’ There is no return to some mythical state of pre-trauma purity, but rather a continuous spiral of unbecoming, unlearning, and transformation. As a fellow seeker, I will be there in your ear, walking alongside you on your path toward wholeness as a sort of parasocial big sister. That, I can promise.By integrating the concepts we explore together, you’ll begin to see that anyone—even you—can come back from the borderline.CRAVING MORE? Visit backfromtheborderline.com to dive into my universe, connect with me, access my Patreon, and discover more about my journey and work. Don’t forget to follow Back from the Borderline so new episodes on Tuesdays and Thursdays automatically drop into your podcast feed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Episodes
Mentioned books
Jun 28, 2022 • 41min
the root cause of your deep fear of abandonment
Abandonment fear runs deep in the human psyche—it’s a primal instinct, woven into the fabric of how we connect with others. For some, this fear is manageable, an underlying hum that shapes relationships in subtle ways. But for those who struggle with emotion dysregulation, abandonment fear can feel overwhelming and consuming, creating patterns of self-protection that lead to isolation and confusion in relationships.In this episode, we explore what it truly means to fear abandonment on a profound level. We’ll look at the difference between physical and emotional abandonment, how these fears develop, and the ways they can hijack our relationships if left unchecked. Many individuals who identify with certain mental health labels, such as borderline personality traits, often find that their most intense triggers stem from the terror of being left behind. Understanding this connection can be the first step toward breaking out of reactive, self-isolating cycles and finding healthier ways to relate to others.Topics we’ll explore together include:The real, lived experience of abandonment fear, beyond clinical definitionsCommon symptoms and root causes of abandonment fearHow this fear intertwines with BPD traits and emotional reactivityWhat triggers abandonment anxiety, and how it shows up in real-life scenariosThis episode offers a compassionate look at one of our most powerful fears and provides tools for navigating relationships in a way that fosters resilience and connection, rather than withdrawal. Join me as we unpack the layers of abandonment fear and explore ways to reclaim a sense of stability and self-trust. Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Jun 20, 2022 • 49min
how to cope when you feel like you have no control over your explosive emotions
If you’re a highly sensitive person who often feels overwhelmed by intense emotions, this episode is for you. We dive into the experience of having “big feelings”—emotions so strong they can feel all-encompassing and difficult to manage. Together, we’ll explore the concept of emotional permanence, the sensation that certain emotions feel unshakable in the moment, as well as emotional dysregulation, which can lead to intense, unpredictable reactions. We also discuss a challenging but important topic: how difficulties with emotion regulation can sometimes result in unintentional harm to loved ones. This episode sheds light on how to navigate these intense feelings with greater awareness and offers compassionate insights for fostering healthier, more balanced relationships. Join me as we unpack the complexities of big emotions and how we can learn to honor our sensitivity without allowing it to consume us or those we care about.Recommended resources: ■ Martha Beck podcast interview about how deciding to quit lying for a year changed her life■ Book | The Way of Integrity: Finding Your Path to Your True Self by Martha Beck■ YouTube video further describing issues with emotional permanence and BPD■ Article on how to deal with emotional impermanence Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
May 30, 2022 • 1h 47min
using radically open dialectical behavior therapy (RO DBT) to overcome issues with overcontrol
Are you known for always doing things “right,” following the rules, and keeping your emotions in check? If so, you may have what’s known as an Overcontrolled style of coping. People with this temperament are highly detail-oriented, vigilant to potential threats, and possess strong inhibitory control—the ability to hold back impulses and behaviors. On the outside, they often appear “high-functioning,” but beneath the surface, they may feel isolated, rigid, and unseen, with their struggles often going unnoticed.In today’s episode, I’m joined by Larry Dahmer, a psychological associate specializing in Radically Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (RO-DBT), a therapeutic approach designed to support individuals with Overcontrolled coping styles. Larry shares insights into this groundbreaking therapy, explaining how it differs from standard DBT and why it can be transformative for those who feel stuck in cycles of perfectionism and emotional restraint.We explore topics like:What RO-DBT is and how it helps those with emotional overcontrolThe unique role of self-inquiry in RO-DBT and how it fosters flexibility and opennessWhy Western society often encourages emotional overcontrol, and how this can lead to loneliness and disconnectionEmbracing emotions like hopelessness and anxiety as teachers rather than enemiesInspiring stories of change from Larry’s RO-DBT clientsIf you or someone you know feels pressured to always “hold it together” but struggles to connect authentically with others, this episode offers a compassionate look at the Overcontrolled coping style and introduces tools for living with greater openness and fulfillment. Learn more about RO-DBT at https://www.radicallyopen.net/Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com. Disclaimer: The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
May 23, 2022 • 1h 7min
how trauma throws you off balance (understanding your window of tolerance) [+ a discussion on asexuality]
Have you ever felt completely out of control of your emotions—sudden waves of rage, paralyzing anxiety, or a numb disconnection from life? If so, you might be living outside your “window of tolerance,” the optimal state where you’re able to handle emotions, manage frustrations, and make clear-headed decisions. When we fall outside this window, we can find ourselves hijacked by intense reactions, feeling either overwhelmed or entirely shut down.In this episode, we explore the concept of the window of tolerance and how it relates to trauma recovery and emotional regulation. You’ll learn how our bodies respond to stress through fight, flight, or freeze mechanisms and why staying within this “optimal zone” can be key to living a grounded, emotionally resilient life. This episode is for anyone looking to better understand their emotional responses and develop tools to navigate life with greater stability and awareness.Note: The first half of this episode includes a discussion of a book passage on asexuality and responses to listener questions on intuition, relationships, and emotional dysregulation. If you want to skip directly to the window of tolerance discussion, jump to minute 39.Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
May 16, 2022 • 1h 4min
signs you lack personal boundaries (feeling used and drained by other people)
Weak or nonexistent personal boundaries can leave us feeling drained, manipulated, and even resentful. In this episode, we’ll explore how to recognize if you’re struggling with boundary issues and the impact this can have on your sense of self-worth, emotional stability, and relationships. Many of us learn unhealthy boundary patterns early on, often tied to codependency and the need to please others, which can ultimately lead to feelings of worthlessness and passivity. If you want to skip straight to the boundaries discussion, jump to minute 16 after the listener Q&A. We’ll cover what personal boundaries truly are, why they matter, and how a lack of boundaries can affect your interactions with friends, family, and partners. We’ll also debunk common myths about setting boundaries and highlight the positive changes you can expect when you start asserting your needs.In the premium version of this episode, available for subscribers, we take an even deeper dive into boundary-setting:Understanding that you have the right to set boundaries and define your needsHow to uncover your boundaries by exploring your personal needsStrategies for confidently saying “no” and recognizing when someone has oversteppedHow to stop overcommitting and reclaim your time and energySample conversation frameworks to help you set clear boundaries with loved ones and protect your emotional well-beingThis episode offers practical insights and tools to help you reclaim control over your life, develop a healthier sense of self, and foster more fulfilling relationships. Join us as we unpack the essentials of boundary-setting and create a path toward genuine self-respect and stability.Craving the full episode? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
May 9, 2022 • 47min
are you mentally ill or spiritually starved? (the problem with "disorder" and "dysfunction" labels)
Is it possible that what we often call “mental illness” might actually be a form of spiritual starvation? In this episode, we explore the limitations of traditional psychiatric diagnoses and question the narratives that define certain behaviors as “disorders” or “dysfunctions.” Diving into the complexities of the medical model in mental health, we discuss why diagnoses like “personality disorder” are often controversial, considering how they can overlook social context and carry heavy stigmas.We also touch on how trauma-informed care and holistic approaches can offer a more compassionate, empowering framework for healing. From alchemical thought and symbolism to spirituality and myth, I’ll share how these elements have played a transformative role in my own recovery, helping me reconnect with a deeper sense of self beyond diagnostic labels. My journey has been guided by the motto “solve et coagula”—to break down and rebuild—a concept that embodies the heart of this episode.Join me as we question the over-pathologizing of human emotion, explore the powerful role spirituality can play in recovery, and consider how a more integrated approach can help us live beyond the limits of labels. Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
May 4, 2022 • 37min
no strings attached: the impact casual sex can have on our mental health
In this mini bonus episode, I answer a voicemail question from listener Kelly, who asks how to move forward to the next phase of her recovery journey. Together, we explore what it means to deepen your healing, letting go of old patterns and stepping into new growth. To wrap up, I’m also giving you a sneak peek of a premium episode where I dive into the nuanced topic of using sex as a form of self-harm—a powerful exploration of how unhealed wounds can shape our relationship with intimacy.Craving the full version of this episode? Become a Premium Submarine to join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content, including ALL full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more. For the cost of a couple of coffees a month, you can start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
May 4, 2022 • 1h 31min
understanding hyper-sexuality: how a history of trauma leads to sex as self-harm
This podcast explores the connection between trauma and hyper-sexuality, discussing topics such as compulsive sexual behavior, the link between personality disorders and sexual addiction, the dangers of sex work, and the role of trauma in sexual masochism. It also delves into the experiences of survival sex, the pressures and risks associated with it, and the importance of trauma-informed therapy in coping with distress and discovering authentic desires.
May 2, 2022 • 43min
reclaiming your sexual agency after chronic objectification with dr. alexandra solomon
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist and expert on love, intimacy, and relationships, to discuss what it truly means to reconnect with our erotic selves and find grounding in genuine pleasure—whether we’re partnered or not. Together, we explore how cultural expectations, societal pressures, and internalized “scripts” can disconnect us from our own desires, leaving us feeling unfulfilled and even resentful toward intimacy. If you’ve ever felt a sense of “sexual blockage” or wondered if you were somehow disconnected from your erotic nature, this conversation is for you. Dr. Solomon and I discuss the experience of performing sexuality instead of enjoying it, the frustration of feeling like intimacy is something we do for others rather than for ourselves, and the harmful impact of constantly putting our own needs last.We also touch on topics that reveal just how pervasive these struggles are:Dissociating during sex and the emotional distance it createsThe pressure to “perform” sexually as a means of attracting or keeping a partnerDr. Solomon’s perspective on “the OnlyFans phenomenon” and the idea of “sex as self-harm”The impact of hardcore pornography on sites like PornHub, reinforcing damaging gendered expectations in intimate relationshipsWhether you’ve felt disconnected from your body, struggled with resentment toward intimacy, or been wary of “divine feminine” programs that promise to heal you for a steep price, this episode offers a refreshing, honest exploration of what it means to reclaim pleasure and embrace your own erotic journey on your own terms. Join us for a candid conversation that challenges the scripts and empowers you to reconnect with yourself.RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Book | Reclaiming Pleasure by Holly RichmondBook | Come As You Are by Emily NagoskiPodcast | Pleasure MechanicsCONNECT WITH ALEXANDRA:https://dralexandrasolomon.com/Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Apr 24, 2022 • 1h 1min
witches and borderline bitches: exploring the rampant sexism in psychiatry
In this episode, we’re confronting the often-overlooked sexist and misogynistic roots of psychiatry, guided by insights from Dr. Jessica Taylor, author of Sexy But Psycho. Dr. Taylor reveals that, even today, simply being female is correlated with nearly every mental disorder listed in the DSM-V. Women are statistically more likely to receive diagnoses such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, BPD, and eating disorders, which raises crucial questions about gender bias in psychiatric practices. We’ll examine the historical context of “hysteria” and how early psychiatric labels were used to control and marginalize women. The discussion also covers the disproportionately high rates of BPD diagnoses among women and how feminist critics view this diagnosis as a reflection of societal attitudes toward women’s responses to trauma and oppression, rather than as an inherent disorder. Through this conversation, we aim to expose and challenge the ways gender discrimination continues to shape mental health diagnoses and explore alternative perspectives that validate women’s experiences and resilience.Recommended resources: Please Stop Using My Mental Illness to Fulfill Your Fantasy (Healthline article by Kyli Rodriguez-Cayro)Sexy But Psycho: How the Patriarchy Uses Women’s Trauma Against Them (book by Dr. Jessica Taylor) Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
