Listen, Learn & Love Hosted by Richard Ostler

Richard Ostler

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Dec 28, 2022 • 1h 8min

Episode 599: Sara Brewer, Shame-Free Principles to End Porn Use

My friend Sara Brewer, certified life coach, shares powerful insights to end porn use. Sara talks about the “roots” of porn use and a framework to address these roots in a hopeful and positive way to end porn use. I became aware of Sara after several mentioned to me how Sara helped them end porn use (including Koji Aoki who told his story on episode 544). Sara is part of a growing group of experts in this field who are bring a completely new paradigm to understand and solve porn use. I wish I had known the things Sara teaches before my YSA assignment—it would have given me more tools to help others. If you are looking to end porn use or help others, please listen to this podcast, and connect with Sara work (see links below). Thank you, Sara, for being on the podcast and your great work in our community. Links mentioned in the podcast: Sara’s web site: https://www.sarabrewer.com/ Sara’s Instagram: @sarabrewercoaching **Check out my new book that has a chapter (chapter 4) about solving pornography: amazon.com/dp/1462139566 **
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Dec 25, 2022 • 1h 15min

Episode 598: Emma Edwins, Convert, Transgender Latter-day Saint

My friend Emma Edwins (Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy; Licensed Clinical Counselor) shares her remarkable story. Emma starts with her decision to join the Church while in college in Colorado. Emma then talks about why she left the church (for about ten years) and then talks about addressing her gender dysphoria—which led Emma to legally, socially, and medically transition to a woman. Emma talks about how much happier she is since transitioning—and how she longed to return to the Church. Emma, who lives in St. Paul Minneapolis, talks about her decision to go back to Church and the warm welcome she is receiving from her Ward, including attending Relief Society. Emma talks about why she decided to go back to Church and her testimony of our restored doctrine. Emma also talks about the challenges transgender Latter-day Saints face—including her desire to attend the temple, which is currently not possible. Emma has a You Tube channel called Stories of Latter-day Faith (see link below) which features conversion stories of people joining the Church. Please reach out to Emma if you’d like to share your conversion story. Thank you, Emma, for being on the podcast. You are a remarkable woman doing much good in many circles. Honored to have you on the podcast! You Tube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMcGpe-zLbY Email address is: storiesoflatterdayfaith@gmail.com Instagram: @the_mindful_mormon ** Please Check Out My LGBTQ Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area? Please join our FB group below ** https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143
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Dec 22, 2022 • 1h 20min

Episode 597: Jay Griffith, Life Story, Loving Like Jesus, Why Still an Active Latter-Day Saint

My friend Jay Griffith (married father of 3) joins us to share his story of why he stays a Latter-day Saint, how he manages the complexity of being in the church, and why he loves/supports/respects his family and friends who are no longer Latter-day Saints, and lives without fear for their salvation. Jay also briefly talks about his monthly gathering, ThinkAgain-FaithAgain (begun nearly 10 years ago), and his association with Faith Matters. Jay is one of the most spiritual and thoughtful people I know. Jay’s insights and life story give all of us ideas about how to see each other as God sees us. Thank you, Jay, for being on the podcast. Honored to call you friend. Links mentioned in the podcast: ThinkAgain-FaithAgain: https://www.thinkagain-faithagain.life/ Faith Matters: https://faithmatters.org/ Jay welcomes direct contact with any who have questions or would just like to be listened to and walked with. You can reach him at jaygriffith4@gmail.com ** Please Check Out My LGBTQ Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area? Please join our FB group below ** https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143
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Dec 19, 2022 • 59min

Episode 596: Alicia Hall, Certified Life Coach & LDS Mother of a 17-Year-Old Lesbian Daughter

My friend Alicia Hall (lives in Georgia, with husband & five children) joins us to share how she is using gospel principals and parenting skills to walk with and support her 17-year-old lesbian daughter McKenna (who came out at age 15). Alicia focuses on what we can do as parents to operate from a position of trust, love, acceptance—instead of a position fear, shame and looking backward in self-doubt. All this helping us as parents be in a better position to love and support an LGBTQ child. If you are a parent with a LGBTQ child—or want to be prepared to parent a LGBTQ child—please listen to this podcast. It is one of the very best we’ve done as Alicia combines her experience as a parent, life coach, and the gospel insights. Thank you, Alicia, for being on the podcast. I learned so much. Your voice and work are so need in our community. You can find Alicia on Facebook at @aliciahallcoaching or Instagram at @alliciahallcoaching Links mentioned in the podcast: Alicia’s web site: https://aliciahallcoaching.com/ Directory of LDS Life Coaches: https://ldslifecoaches.com/ ** Please Check Out My LGBTQ Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area? Please join our FB group below ** https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143
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Dec 16, 2022 • 1h 5min

Episode 595: Autumn McAlpin, New Book, LDS Mother of a Gay Son

My friend Autumn McAlpin (married mother of 5) shares the story of her 17-year-old son, Gavin, walking into her bedroom at 3:00 am telling her and her husband and he that “he is gay, leaving the church, and really struggling with depression… like, really.” A lot has happened since that night two and a half years ago—which Autumn shares on the podcast and in her new book to support Gavin. It is a beautiful and powerful family love story. Autumn, a noted author and filmmaker, decided to write a book about their experience. In November 2022, that book, But Jesus: A Conversation, was published by Pink Umbrella Books with Gavin’s permission (see below for Amazon book link). Autumn talks about the book in the podcast, and all proceeds from sales will be donated to life-saving therapy programs for LGBTQ+ at Encircle and Flourish Therapy. I encourage everyone to listen to this podcast and read Autumn’s book. I have read it—it is a powerful family story of how we can do better so support families with LGBTQ members. I wish I had read a book like this decades ago. Autumn is also involved with Lift & Love, where she writes most of the IG family profile stories (link below). I encourage you to check out Lift & Love. Thank you for being on the podcast Autumn. I was deeply moved hearing your story. I encourage everyone to read Autumn’s impactful book. Links: Autumn’s book called “But Jesus: A Conversation”: https://www.amazon.com/But-Jesus-Conversation-Autumn-McAlpin/dp/194959825X Lift and Love: https://www.liftandlove.org/
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Dec 13, 2022 • 1h 3min

Episode 594: Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

In this episode, my friend Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife (Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, active LDS) joins us to share details of her professional journey. She tells us more about her time at BYU and how she shifted from following cultural expectations to following her heart and talents, which led to her earning her Master’s Degree, followed by a Ph.D., and eventually, opening her own practice. She shares how her work has grown past her original hopes and expectations and talks about why she decided to stay a Latter-day Saint. Her story is a powerful one and will inspire younger (and even older!) Latter-day Saints to pursue their passions and believe in their potential. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also shares insights about creating healthy boundaries, and how those boundaries can help us maintain a healthier relationship with the Church. She also shares ways that we can create more belonging at church—so that more will feel welcome, included, and needed as we create Zion. I was deeply moved by this conversation and appreciated Dr. Finlayson-Fife's perspective and insights on these important topics. She is someone who loves and embraces our theology and also someone with extensive professional experience as a therapist, coach, and educator. I wish I had listened to a podcast like this decades ago! Thank you, Jennifer, for being on the podcast and for the important work you do in our community—you are making a huge difference! You can learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife at https://www.finlayson-fife.com/
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Dec 10, 2022 • 1h 11min

Episode 593: Brian Paul, tells the story of his brother Boyd, who was gay and took his own life.

My friend Brian Paul (married, father of 4, active LDS) joins us to share the story of his older brother Boyd dying by suicide at the age of 25 in 1989. It tells a powerful story of hope and the far-reaching promises of the atonement and the power to redeem. Brian, who is about 7 years younger than Boyd, talks about his love for his brother. Boyd changed a few years after returning home from his mission when he went down a difficult road trying to reconcile his sexual orientation. Feeling rejected by God for not helping him overcome same gender attraction, difficulty in achieving ideal relationships with other gay men, being fired by his employer, and not being fully accepted and understood by family, led to Boyd taking his own life by jumping off the William Howard Taft Bridge in Feb 1989. Brian talks about his journey to understand and love his brother including a powerful spiritual experience walking on the William Howard Taft Bridge in 2014 with his daughter, that reflects the infinite power of the atonement and our hope in Christ. Brian also talks about his mother’s Stake Conference talk about her gay son and her knowledge from her Heavenly Father with these words “I have him. He is not lost.” If you have lost someone to suicide, please listen to this podcast. Brian does a wonderful job of sharing their family story—a beautiful family love story. Thank you, Brian, for being on the podcast to help us better support each other, give powerful insights into the plan of salvation, and see us all as the same human family. Link mentioned in the podcast: YouTube tribute video for Boyd: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkuQ4YAYqwg Facebook Post about Boyd: https://www.facebook.com/brian.paul.7106/posts/pfbid026WVw8vuZSLpg9kGXXtF6rupsPvJJ3Pj3s7psvsRWe1ivP6BUZXxpGM7GLXSjCF1Bl ** Please Check Out My LGBTQ Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area? Please join our FB group below ** https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143
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Dec 7, 2022 • 1h 6min

Episode 592: Jeralee Renshaw and Peter Ryan, Waters of Mormon Facebook Group

My friends Jeralee Renshaw and Peter Ryan (active Latter-day Saints) talk about a facebook group called Waters of Mormon for Latter-day Saints who need a safe place to process complicated church topics (history, current issues, or difficult experiences). Members of the group are working to stay engaged with the Church. Jeralee and Peter (two of the moderators of the group) talk about vetting criteria to be able to join the group (including being familiar with the Gospel Topic Essays), group mission, and rules of the group. They also share some of about their story navigating difficult topics and why they stay members of the Church. I joined this group in 2016 during my mini-faith crisis and it was key for me to reconstruct a sustainable framework to remain an active member of the Church. If you are working to stay in the Church and also looking for a safe place to process complicated church topics, please listen to this podcast. It will help you decide if this group would be helpful for you. And you are welcome to share this podcast with others who you feel might benefit from joining the group. Thank you, Jeralee and Peter,—and the rest of the moderation team—for your much needed work in our community. Links mentioned in the podcast: Waters of Mormon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/366835446735927 Gospel Topic Essays: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/essays
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Dec 4, 2022 • 1h 10min

Episode 591: Tyler Johnson, Navigating Complicated Church Topics, Extended the Tent of Zion

My friend Tyler Johnson (married father of 3, active LDS, Oncologist and Assistant Professor Stanford Medical School), joins us to talk about principles that can help build a long-term foundation to remain in the Church and process the complicated topics (history, prophetic infallibility, imperfect members, etc) Tyler shares his upbring where his father didn’t create a fairly-tale type narrative of our church history—but on honest discussion about the warts that are part of the beautiful restoration of the gospel. Because of this, Tyler didn’t ever have to deconstruct and then reconstruct—it has always been about construction. For Tyler (and I believe many others) this is a more sustainable framework to move forward as a Latter-day Saint. He also talks about the love present in his home that help form his feelings about his Heavenly Parents and their love for all of us. It also created a safe environment to process honest questions. Tyler shares his vision for what each of us can to in our area of influence to “Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes” (Isaiah 54:2). He talks we can follow the example of Jesus—who brought the tent of the gospel to everyone—and how we can look to do that in our areas of stewardship. You can read more about Tyler’s work and insights in this BYU article: https://byustudies.byu.edu/article/a-teachers-plea/ If you are processing the warts of the restoration or current issues—or helping others—please listen to this podcast. This is one of the very best episodes we’ve done on this subject, and I was deeply moved by Tyler insights, principles and gospel perspectives. Thank you, Tyler, for being on the podcast and all your good work in many circles to improve the lives of others!
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Dec 1, 2022 • 1h 3min

Episode 590: Lynn Patten, Author, Mental Health Journey

My friend Lynn Patten (married mother of 4, active LDS, RM) shares her journey through depression that started when she was on her mission. Lynn talks about how Church became a difficult place for her, mainly because she could no longer feel the Spirit—but how she worked to continue to be an active Latter-day Saint by learning how to hear God’s voice again. Lynn shares how she connects with the Spirit in different ways and how she has found spiritual healing amidst her mental illness and wrote a book called “Hear Him: How to Hear the Spirit When You Suffer From Depression” The book is available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0BJC9QJWR If you are working to understand and manage mental illness, or know someone who is, please listen to Lynn’s podcast, and read her book. I believe it will help you. Thank you, Lynn, for being on the podcast and your good work in our community.

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