Soul Gum

When was the last time you felt genuine awe? Not just happiness, not “that’s cool,” but deep, childlike wonder? In this episode, we explore 7 five-minutes-or-less practices that can help you feel more present, more alive, and more connected to the quiet magic all around you. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro 01:28 MAKE BELIEVE is out now02:50 Come hang with me on tour?   03:51 7 tiny ways to cultivate awe03:54 1. Look closely at ordinary nature04:20 The goggles of habit 04:41 Walt Whitman: what is the grass?05:27 Thich Nhat Hanh’s tangerine meditation07:31 Rumi & the blurriness of separation 09:14 2. Look up10:00 The benefits of tree gazing10:29 Mary Oliver’s When I Am Among the Trees11:48 3. Unitask music 11:55 Music used to be the main course13:06 One song no multitasking challenge13:29 Make an awe playlist 13:40 4. Make unsmall small talk 14:19 Martin Buber’s I-Thou vs I-It15:50 Challenge: be aware during small talk16:17 The sacred ground of connection16:50 5. Remember pale blue dot 17:08 The Voyager photo17:36 Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot 19:10 Pondering our tininess 21:04 6. Make an awe signal22:21 7. Keep an awe list 22:43 The Zeigarnik Effect24:53 Lightning round recapEPISODE LINKS• @boywaif post on the goggles of habit• Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman• Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh• Sometimes & When I Am Among the Trees by Mary Oliver• Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot• I and Thou by Martin Buber• Rumi (Coleman Bark’s Essential Rumi) • The Zeigarnick Effect MY LINKS• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• Let’s hang on tour!!⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

We romanticize big life changes—quitting the job, moving to the dream city, chasing the thing we’ve always wanted. But big changes have big side effects. And if you don’t see them coming, they might just send you running back to the life you were trying to leave behind. In this episode, we’re breaking down six warnings I wish someone had told me before I changed everything. If you’re craving a big shift, let’s make sure you’re ready for it.EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro 01:45 Life update + tour!  05:52 6 warnings about changing your life 06:14 1. It will not automatically make you happy07:44 Harvard happiness study08:34 The hedonic treadmill 9:54 2. You will have an identity crisis  10:12 Ship of Theseus 11:40 3. You’ll probably feel stuck12:04 Diamond Example 13:12 Change happens at tipping points 15:31 4. It never stops feeling vulnerable15:55 Asch conformity study 17:18 The neuroscience of fear & hope19:43 It’s only embarrassing if you’re embarrassed22:33 5. There’s no magic pill 24:32 6. You’ll feel torn between who you were and who you’re becoming 24:52 Janus, the Roman god of transitions27:18 Lightning round recapMY LINKS⁠⁠⁠⁠• Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠⁠⁠⁠• Let’s hang on tour!!⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  EPISODE LINKS⁠⁠⁠⁠• Ship of Theseus ⁠⁠⁠⁠• Harvard happiness study⁠⁠⁠⁠• The hedonic treadmill ⁠⁠⁠⁠• Digging for diamonds cartoon⁠⁠⁠⁠• Janus: the god of doors, gates and transitions

Don’t press play unless you’re ready for big change. This isn’t a normal  podcast episode—it’s a guided practice designed to help you step into the next chapter of you with clarity and intention. Maybe you’re on the brink of a big life change. Or maybe you feel stuck and just know it's time for a shift. This episode will walk you through the five-step practice that completely changed my life. In it, we'll learn about the neuroscience of manifestation, do a guided meditation, journal, and come on the other side of the episode with a clear plan routing towards our dreams. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro08:13 Agenda09:25 Plato's Cave Allegory13:22 The neuroscience of manifestation16:14 The reflection practice that changed my life 16:36 Step 1: Define your current chapter20:37 Step 2: Define your next chapter22:53 Step 3: Guided visualization meditation37:32 Step 4: Journaling38:26 4a. Reflect on the chapter that’s ending40:56 4b. Set intentions for your next chapter 43:29 4c. Set SMAAART* goals 47:33 4d. Plan your trust-building week 52:23 Step 5: Believing MY LINKS⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠⁠⁠⁠Let’s hang on tour!!⁠⁠⁠⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Admit it: you’re still thinking about that cringey thing you did 6 years ago. Maybe it was something you said. Something you did. Something that haunts you at 2 AM when your brain decides to rerun its most humiliating blooper reel.Today, we’re breaking down exactly how to move past an embarrassing moment in 5 steps. We’ll talk about why your brain refuses to let things go, how the spotlight effect makes you think people care way more than they actually do, and the five fastest ways to shake off the cringe and move on with your life.EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro 02:06 Preorder Make Believe! Come see me on tour!02:44 Why do we feel embarrassment? 03:50 Embarrassment scale 03:57 Tier 1: slight cringe05:07 Tier 2: mild cringe07:07 Tier 3: proper humiliation 11:09 Tier 4: deep humiliation 13:29 Tier 5: existential humiliation15:45 Jean Paul Sartre’s the gaze 17:50 The spotlight effect18:44 Social media and the spotlight effect19:30 5 tips for navigating embarrassing moments19:3 6 Break - Book! Bali! Tour! 25:25 1. Remember the spotlight is not real29:51 2. Call it out as it’s happening 32:49 3. Tell someone 34:27 4. Figure out the root35:58 5. Own it and then move on 40:07 Challenge MY LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠⁠⁠⁠ Let’s hang on tour!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ EPISODE LINKSSpotlight Effect Study Spotlight Effect and Social Media Study Jean Paul Sartre’s Being and Nothingness 

Creatives, I’m looking at you. In today’s episode, I walk you through exactly how I lost my creative spark in the Internet’s sea of opinions and how I got it back. When did we forget that art is supposed to make us clutch our pearls? And how do we remember? If you want to stop praying to the altar of the comment section, this episode is for you. We’ll walk through 4 things that helped me start making chewy, brave art again. You owe it to yourself to stop sanitizing your art. This episode is a messy, raw field guide on how to do that—from another creative climbing out of the same boat. 00:00 Intro 02:09 Preorder MAKE BELIEVE! Let’s hang on tour!02:44 Are vulnerability and nuance needed for good art?03:13 Did video kill the radio star? Will IG poetry kill literary poetry?04:04 Taylor Swift’s quill, fountain pen, glitter gel pen buckets of art 04:40 Sugarcoated self love: helpful or hurtful? 05:28 Should we think about the audience when we make art?05:42 Rick Rubin & “the audience eats last”06:20 Is social media tainting our intentions as artists? 08:13 Art as an offering vs. art as an outlet  08:33 How to gut your art of meaning 09:20 My own experience navigating this, good and bad11:47 Should artists care about views and engagement?12:27 Microwaving our art to keep pace with the algorithm13:52 Having no haters is not a badge of honor 14:45 “Bad takes” vs “good takes” and the erasure of nuance  15:10 Moral imposter syndrome and curated vulnerability16:55 The big, messy mistakes we don’t hear about17:33 Stop sanitizing your art 17:57 Ellen Bass & art that makes you clutch your pearls 18:31 Relax by Ellen Bass 19:11 Art for likes versus art for thought 19:36 So how do we take our brains back? 19:59 Break - with a big surprise! 23:47 4 ways to take our creative spark back23:57 1. Notice the voices in your head 24:57 2. Temper vulnerability with respect for your privacy26:07 3. Create art with urgency 26:21 A Little Life & commodified art vs art for art’s sake28:42 Mary Oliver on getting distracted from your art30:55 4. Get off your phone 32:00 How to start a fire, literally & creatively33:57 Your art misses you 35:34 I ♡ your thoughts 36:27 Challenge: make something scary this week 37:14 You are not out of good ideasMY LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠⁠⁠⁠ Let’s hang on tour!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ EPISODE LINKS ⁠Joy Sullivan’s poetry masterclass⁠⁠ - brought up so much thought and a big breakthrough for me. Dives into what it means to make vulnerable, surprising art.  ⁠⁠Taylor Swift accepting Songwriter-Artist of the Decade at the Nashville Songwriter Awards⁠⁠, discussing her quill, fountain pen and glitter gel pen lyric categories  ⁠⁠The Creative Act by Rick Rubin⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert⁠⁠ - two of my favorite books on the creative process, both talked about in this episode ⁠⁠Relax by Ellen Bass⁠⁠ - one of my many favorite poems by Ellen Bass, who IMO is the blueprint for writing gutsy, gritty poems. Could not recommend her books⁠⁠ Like a Begger, Mules of Love, and Indigo⁠⁠ more.  ⁠⁠A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara⁠⁠ - the novel with the passage I read about commodified art vs art for art’s sake.  ⁠⁠Upstream by Mary Oliver⁠⁠ - the book with the passage I read about getting distracted. If you need a reminder of the cost of hiding from your truth, read chapter 3.

Confidence isn’t just something you have—it’s something you do. Today, we’re breaking down 8 small but powerful shifts that will instantly change how others see you and how you feel about yourself. These aren’t generic “believe in yourself” tips. These are super specific, research-backed tips that will instantly improve your confidence. We’re diving into original sources ranging from Plato’s the Republic to HBO’s Euphoria to ask: what does it mean to be a confident person? And how do you become one? If you want to show up in the next conversation you have as most magnetic, grounded, and comfy-in-your-skin version of yourself—this episode is for you.EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro03:42 The philosophy of confidence 03:55 Plato’s virtue of the mean05:30 Maddy from Euphoria on confidence06:49 8 shifts for instant confidence 07:18 Break - with a surprise for you! 11:12 1. The power of the pause 13:35 2. Watch overactive listening 16:02 3. Open body language18:29 4. Handshakes are hot 20:34 5. Rephrase mirrored questions24:04 6. Slow blink rate 26:43 7. Watch upspeak 29:22 8. Call them by their name32:32 Lightning round recapMY LINKS ⁠⁠⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠ EPISODE LINKS ⁠On nonverbal dominance⁠ ⁠How open body language makes us more attractive⁠ ⁠The calming effect of physical touch⁠ ⁠The power of handshakes⁠ ⁠TALK: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Allison Woods Brooks⁠ ⁠Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman⁠ ⁠The body language of the eyes (re: blink rate)⁠ ⁠The neuroscience of calling people by their name

We live in an age of seemingly infinite options. The internet has thousands of pages of search results for that thing you need to buy. Endless entertainment awaits on streaming platforms and social media. Dating apps offer a never-ending scroll of potential partners. So why does it feel impossible to find what we need? Why can’t you pick a movie to watch? Why is it harder than ever to find someone to love?  This episodes discusses the paradox of choice: the idea that more choices often make us less happy. Is more less when it comes to choices? If so, how can we live happily in an age of infinite options? Let's talk about it. EPISODE OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro 01:51 What is the paradox of choice? 02:37 Stanford jam study 06:12 Dating apps 07:10 Decision paralysis 08:53 Opportunity costs 09:13 Sylvia Plath's fig tree allegory 12:08 Expectation inflation 15:05 So what do we do about it? 15:57 Break 21:01 Kierkegaard's leap of faith 22:10 The Midnight Library by Matt Haig 24:17 Nietzsche's amor fati 27:49 Satisficing 30:00 The next right thing MY LINKS: ⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠ ⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠ ⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠ 

Friend breakups hit different. They’re messy, heartbreaking, and rarely come with closure. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down five of the most common types of friendship breakups, why they happen, and how to survive them without losing your mind (or your faith in humanity). If you’ve ever mourned a friendship like it was a death, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro  03:21 1. The Mutual Drift 04:18 Aristotle’s utility, pleasure and virtue friendships 06:46 Dunbar’s number: how many friendships can we maintain at once? 08:25 Carl Jung & making friends while wearing a mask 09:40 Mollenhorst’s social pruning study 10:06 Getting through a mutual drift 11:51 Break - with a surprise!  15:23 2. The One-Sided Slow Fade 17:00 How to get through it on the receiving end  19:09 What if you’re the one who’s fading away from a friend?  21:22 3. The Formal Breakup  23:38 How to break up with a friend ethically 24:47 Getting through a friend breaking up with you  25:34 4. The Blow Up  26:42 Sartre & conflict as a mirror of the self   27:44 Getting through a friendship blowing up  28:21 Hegel & conflict as an engine for growth 29:26 5. The Sudden Ghost  30:23 Getting through being ghosted by a friend 32:06 Lightning round recap  32:39 The peak-end rule  34:02 Journaling prompts for processing a friendship breakup  34:33 Poem: To Strangers I Used to Know MY LINKS ⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠ ⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠ ⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠

Your attention is sacred. It’s also for sale.  Maybe the reason you can’t get off your phone or stop wasting your Saturdays streaming a show you’ll forget the moment you finish the last episode or do what you say you will isn’t because you’re lazy. It’s not because you don’t want it badly enough. It’s not because you haven’t locked in. Maybe the reason you can’t focus is bigger than you entirely.  Today’s episode dives into the hidden reason we distract ourselves from our own lives and leaves you with 5 bite-sized ways to reclaim your brain. My fellow doomscrollers, rotters, and TikTok ban mourners: this one’s for you.  EPISODE OUTLINE: 02:18 The spiritual source of distraction 02:29 I. Nietzsche: staring into the abyss     03:43 II. Kierkegaard: sickness unto death 04:46 III. Victor Frankl: the search for meaning 08:04 IV. Kali yuga: the age of distraction  09:16 Enter: the attention economy  10:15 The Dorito theory  14:23 So what do we do about it? 14:31 5 steps to take back your focus 14:42 Break - with a surprise for you! 18:14 Step 1: the art of unitasking  23:05 Step 2: giving attention vs having it taken 25:14 Step 3: Dorito vs dinner list 26:48 Step 4: Dorito ritual  29:18 Step 5: Focus ritual 31:24 Lightning round recap MY LINKS: Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠ Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE! Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠ Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠ Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠ (if it ever gets un-banned...) SHOW LINKS: Dorito theory TikTok Slot machine dopamine study Study on the cognitive strain of multitasking

This episode should be called ten HARD TO HEAR things about dating I wish I knew in my twenties because... oof. Buckle up. The dating scene in your twenties is the trenches. I wish I could go back in time and tell all this to younger me. It would save her so many hours and tears and good outfits on bad dates with people who don't like her. Instead, I'll tell you. I learned each of these lessons the hard way, but you don't have to! I present to you: 10 things I wish I knew about dating in my twenties. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro  01:20 Break 04:09 If they treat you like they don’t care, they don’t 06:41 Someone not liking you doesn't make them a catch 10:06 Running at the first sign of conflict isn’t a flex 13:21 If you’re attracted to games, you’re the problem 16:36 Stop seeking closure from your exes  19:05 Don’t date their potential 20:14 Being single rocks 23:05 Love is not all you need  23:36 You can’t make them stay if they want to go 30:58 You can’t scare away the right person 33:39 Lightning round recap LINKS: Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more! Join me in Bali June 1-7! Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok