Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

If you haven't read "The Autism Relationship Handbook and The Autism Relationship Workbook by Joe Biel and Dr. Faith Harper" you will definitely want to order copies of both after this episode.  Joe is the founder of Microcosm Publishing in Oregon and Faith is a therapist is Texas.  Working together for a number of years, they have partnered on several books and even have the same birthday.  Joe shares his lived experience and expertise as a coach, mentor and business owner in a healthy Neurodiverse Love relationship and Faith shares her lived experience as a parent of a neurodiverse child and her expertise as a therapist and sexologist.   During this episode, we talk about the importance of presuming "best intent" in your neurodiverse relationship and how critical it is to name and get granular about your boundaries and needs.  We also talk about the 4 levels of communication and how each couple is usually getting stuck in one (or more) levels. Getting clarity about this and shifting perspective can reduce the "communication roundabout" some couples find themselves in.  We also talk about physical intimacy, dealing with sensory differences and how to move from masking, struggling and being misunderstood to striving and thriving with a partner who truly appreciates and values you. Whether you are the autistic or allistic (non-autistic) partner in the relationship, this is a "don't miss episode.  Joe and Faith provide SO many nuggets of gold that you may want to listen to this episode twice! WARNING: This episode is labeled "explicit" because at the end of the episode we talk about sexual intimacy and some books that have titles that may be considered explicit to some.  If you would like to contact Joe Biel you can follow him on Instagram @joebiel or check out his website at joebiel.net or Microcosm Publishing at: www.microcosmpublishing.com If you would like to contact Faith Harper you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @theintimacydr or check out her website at: www.faithgharper.com  _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode Mona and Manecia talk about a topic that may be difficult for both the autistic and non-autistic partners to hear, but is important to address, because it is something that has happened in both of their relationships (and may be happening in yours). No one wants to feel like they have to parent their partner, however acknowledging that this may be happening and talking about ways in which the non-autistic/neurotypical partner can ask before stepping in to help (or parent) can be SO helpful. Some people might call this type of "support" co-dependency or enmeshment, however in a neurodiverse relationship, when support is valued and provided because of challenges with executive function, social and emotional differences or sensory sensitivities, it can also create a partnership that helps both partners thrive. Mona shares that when her and her ex were talking outside the courthouse as they were planning to file for divorce, her ex said to her that she had two children, even though they only had one child.  Mona's response was that she hadn't wanted to be her ex-husband's parent, she had wanted to be his partner!  This conversation was both sad and enlightening at the same time. Mona and Manecia talk openly about how important it is to let go of assumptions and the need to "help" when we haven't been asked and how sometimes our embarrassment, does not mean we need to solve a problem that is not ours to solve. How can we stop parenting our partners, when we think they are awkward, anxious or angry and instead offer to help without "needing" to help?  Mona and Manecia share the lessons they have learned on their neurodiverse journey's and hope this episode brings some "aha" moments for the listeners. The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this short bonus episode of the podcast, Mona shares “WHY” she created the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards,  “HOW” they can be used so that each partner can feel safe to share their needs and wants, and “WHAT” can be achieved when both partners come from a place of grace and compassion. Mona's parents were in a Neurodiverse Love marriage for over 40 years and never knew.  In addition, she didn't know she was in a neurodiverse relationship until the 29th year of her 30 year marriage.  By creating and releasing the cards, Mona hopes more neurodiverse couples will feel valued, heard and appreciated and gain understanding of each others strengths and differences.  When we know better, we CAN  do better! ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to purchase a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards please check out the "Conversation Cards” page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe, so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast.  For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM Mona on IG, or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com  Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail.  Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Eva is a psychotherapist, an ASD specialist and the author of several books, including "Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder).-Successful Strategies for Couples or Counselors.  During this episode Eva shares so much valuable information for both partners in a Neurodiverse Love relationship.  Our conversation addresses ways to avoid meltdowns and shutdowns; how to address or change expectations; getting your needs met and doing things together that work well for both partners.  We also talk about physical and sexual intimacy, ways in which to get accountability, the value of medication for some and the impact of trauma in the intimate relationship. Eva also addresses the importance of understanding and addressing the root cause of emotional challenges, giving each other time to work through your emotions and how to address sensory sensitivities that can impact physical intimacy.  This episode provides so much valuable information for both partners in a neurodiverse relationship. Eva is also the author of: Gender Identity, Sexuality and Autism-Voices from Across the Spectrum and she has a new book being published soon. You can learn more about Eva through her website at: www.eva-mendes.com or contact her at: eva@eva-mendes.com ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe, so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Alix and Roy share so many of the lessons they have learned together since their friendship began in 2008.  After building a wonderful friendship for 5 years they started dating in 2013 and have been married since 2018.  Alix shares opening about her misdiagnosis and how at 13 she was placed in a facility that led to trauma that continues to impact her today.  Alix also talks about her resiliency and strength and the way in which she and Roy have grown together in their relationship. Both Roy and Alix share some of the strategies they use to support each other during difficult times and how understanding their differences and their individual needs has created a loving partnership.  This is a very powerful episode that may be triggering to some of our listeners who have experienced a misdiagnosis and the trauma that can occur when that happens.  Please take this into consideration when listening to this episode.  If you want to learn more about Alix please check out her YouTube video: Undiagnosed Autism: Alix's Journey.  You can also follow her on Instagram @generousalix or check out her website at: alixgenerous.com ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe, so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Our triggers provide opportunities for us to heal and grow or they continue to create situations that we react to, rather then respond to.  Unfortunately, this can create lots of resentment and anger, as well as unintentional pain and hurt.  During this episode, Mona and Manecia talk about the triggers they have had in their neurodiverse relationships and how some of those are connected to unresolved issues in their family of origin. They also talk about how they have reduced their "reactions" to various triggers because they understand themselves better.  Instead of getting triggered and holding on to anger and resentment they are choosing to respond to themselves and their partners with more grace and compassion.   _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe, so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Sira Busch received her formal autistic diagnosis a year ago and during this podcast episode she and her partner Marcel share their lived experience before and after the diagnosis.  They were both interested in math and that was one of the things that attracted them to each other.  Sira talks about the relationship she has had with herself for the last 28 years and how she fully accepted all the differences she saw, even though others may not have understood them.  Sira shares how she was often observing her feelings and herself through her own beautiful lens.  Sira wants to go on adventures alone and enjoys observing life in her own way.  Marcel and Sira both do power building and love sharing that common interest.  They talk about the way in which they make their meal time together work, the importance of Sira's routines and how they each treasure their own individual rooms and space, but have also created ways in which they can both have quality time together.  Sira addresses the accomodations she needed at work, but didn't get, and how that created some challenges with employment. This is another wonderful episode that you may want to listen to with your partner.  Sira and Marcel have found such a beautiful flow that works for both of them to get their needs met, understand each other's routines and view their neurodiversity as a gift that gives them opportunities to grow as individuals and as a couple. Sira just published a book on norms and stereotypes .  The book is in German, but if you want to check it our here are 2 links to her book: https://www.lektora.de/buecher/weltbilder/ https://www.amazon.co.uk/Weltbilder-Normen-Stereotype-Gleichberechtigung-verhindern/dp/3954612267 You can also follow Sira  on Instagram @omnomnomknusper _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Do you wonder why your partner doesn't understand your needs?  Do you have challenges communicating your boundaries effectively in your Neurodiverse Love relationship? Do you know what emotional intelligence is and how it can help you communicate more effectively with your partner?  These are some of the important topics that Paul Micallef addresses in this fantastic podcast episode!  Paul has had a successful career as an engineer and from a young age he had an interest in emotional intelligence (EI) and has spent his life becoming an expert in this area.  Diagnosed at 30, Paul started sharing his autistic journey on social media through his channel Asperger's from the Inside.  Through his numerous YouTube videos, coaching sessions and courses, he has provided guidance to SO many people who are also on a neurodiverse journey.  Through his on-line work, Paul serves as a translator and helps autistic and non-autistic people better understand the strategies and tools they can both use to understand how to let go of unconscious expectations! Paul provides his EI courses on-line to help those who have a logical, rational brain understand the skills they need to increase their emotional intelligence. Paul also shares the strategies he uses to thrive in life and his neurodiverse relationship.  Being open about his lived experience and sharing his expertise, Paul is helping neurodivesre couples around the world learn how to understand themselves and each other better  This is another insightful, valuable episode that you may want to listen to with you partner.   Enjoy! If you want to learn more about the fantastic work Paul is doing, please check out his website at: www.paulmicallef.com.au You can also check out his YouTube channel at: Aspergers from the Inside __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

When Stephanie Bethany married her husband at 19 she didn't know she was autistic, however when she was diagnosed at 23, things began to make more sense.  Working together she and her husband have grown and learned so much.  During this episode, Stephanie shares how understanding neurodiversity has helped her and her husband let go of so many misunderstandings they had in the earlier years of their relationship and marriage.  They both have a better understanding of each other's intentions and know that they are there to help and "de-code" things for each other.  Stephanie shares openly the ways in which she has reduced her feelings of being overwhelmed at family functions and social events because she knows her limits and when she needs time to decompress.  She is able to advocate for herself in most situations and is comfortable asking for accommodations when she needs them.  She also talks about how she is working on creating a schedule that not only includes her work and school commitments, but quality time with her husband.  In addition, she shares how she is learning how to deal better with emotional shutdowns and periods of feeling overwhelmed. During this episode Stephanie and Mona share lots of laughs and discuss how important grace, compassion and love are when your partner is having trouble speaking during emotional times and also may have challenges with processing emotions.  This is another important episode that neurodiverse couples may want to listen to together. You can find Stephanie on YouTube at: https://www.youtube.com/stephaniebethany or check out her website at: www.stephaniebethany.com ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please, also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

It was a pleasure to talk with Dan Jones, the creator of The Aspie World about how he is thriving in life and in his Neurodiverse Love relationship. When Dan was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at 26, he didn't know what that meant and began searching for information that would help him better understand his diagnosis.  After finding limited content about neurodiversity and adult autism, he decided that he wanted to share his story and the lessons he was learning on his journey and he created The Aspie World. Dan's positive attitude and energy is contagious!  During this episode, he shared that he is always finding new things to learn and discover and doing this helps him reduce depression.  What a great strategy! Dan and his partner have a young son together and they have created a family life that provides opportunities for them to share quality time as a couple and a family.  Dan makes parenting and his romantic relationship a top priority and shares some of the lessons he has learned to show he cares.  This episode is filled with SO many awesome lessons learned and opportunities for neurodiverse couples to better understand each other. Listen to this episode with your partner and find new ways to connect and focus on the strengths you both have and bring to the relationship.  Follow Dan on social media on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram or Twitter @theaspieworld, or check out his website: www.theaspieworld.com to learn about all the resources and products he has available. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe, so you don't miss an episode.  Please, also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!