Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

During this episode, Renee Rosales, the Founder of Theara shares the journey that she and her family have traveled to better understand the strengths, differences, challenges and learning opportunities that neurodiversity brings to their lives. Renee talks about how being an advocate for her son, took her down a path that helped pave the way for her passion for the "neurodiverse collective".   Through Theara she is offering the world an "acronym-based" system that can help build bridges for individuals, families, schools and organizations to learn how to better understand and support each other when there are neurological differences that may not be fully understood or appreciated. She also offers courses, coaching, consulting, links for life hacks, resources and tools for all types of neurodiversity. Other topics we discuss are: The road traveled to learn more about her son's differences. Fear of reaching out to others who may not understand. Grief and trauma that may occur with the discovery of neurodiversity. The importance of remembering that we don't just connect with words. Understanding the gift of curiosity and the importance of taking personal accountability. "Hybrid types" not "co-morbidities". What is a "sensory diet"? The shifts in her relationship with her husband. Why and when her and her husband separated and then reunited. Understanding dyslexia as a "processing disorder"- ie: "Dial-up" versus "broadband". The importance of understanding each other's communication style and needs. Respecting your partner, as you rebuild trust together. The value of being proactive, instead of reactive. You can't change others, however you "may" have some influence as you change yourself. Learning how you can be most effective individually, and in your relationships. Growth is painful! Both partners need to be invested in positive engagement. Turning trouble into training and obstacles into opportunities Determining what is going to be an obstacle to my JOY. Knowing love is in the "reaching"! You can contact Renee by email at: Theara@theara.com or on her website at: www.theara.com ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27  AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023 Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode,  Mona is joined by her guest co-host Greg Fuqua for a great conversation about unidentified autism, awareness and understanding of autism, recognizing and normalizing autism, and the Generation Gap.   Greg was also a guest on Season 4 of the podcast, so if you haven't listened to that episode please check it out. Other topics we discuss are: The change in prevalence rates and what it really means. How neurodiversity presents in different ways. Validating and understanding how people struggle. Recognizing traits in yourself when your child is diagnosed. Increase in stress may contribute to identifying autism. Secondary and tertiary clues of autism. Narcissism and control issues that may be related to "unidentified autism". Social disability model of autism. Awareness, education and self understanding are just the beginning. Relationship with self is critical. Understanding which of your "parts" are trying to protect you. Be aware of stress and capacity issues. Masking to be accepted. Understanding the internal autistic experience and how more traits show up "at home". Barriers to self-disclosure. Normalizing different wiring as a lens for understanding and growing. Misdiagnosis in women. Struggles with Theory of Mind. If you would like to contact Greg you can check out his website at: www.GregFuqua.com or contact him at www.LifeWorksDM.com.  You can also check out his profile on Psychology Today. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love,  an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27  AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023 Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

If you missed the First Virtual Neurodiverse Love Conference, no worries...tickets are still available for $98 at: www.neurodiverselove.com.  You will be able to hear the 27 Fantastic pre-recorded conference presentations & check out some of the Q&A chats that were held during the conference.  All of the conference sessions will be available to watch until May 15, 2023. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona and Nicole Knowlton talk about the stigma and fear neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples may experience when sharing their neurodiverse journey. Some of the topics addressed include:  The stigma and fear around diagnosis and self identification;  Stereotypes that impact the responses received; How social media content is helping;  When, or how, to share with friends, family, and coworkers;  Looking at the genetic component of  neurodiversity and reviewing your family tree; What it means to have a diagnosis and how it may impact you in the future (ie: discrimination and/or accommodations); The importance of seeing your partner for who they are and not what you want them to be;  Being "neuro-gifted" and "neuro-talented"; Why it may be challenging to stop masking or camouflaging;  Mind-blindness; and  Healing old wounds and finding a new way of relating. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to contact Nicole for coaching, therapy and/or assessments.  You can find her on Psychology Today or on Twitter @aspietherapist _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love,  an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Delve into the emotional journey of separation in a neurodiverse relationship. The speaker shares personal experiences, highlighting the complex feelings that arise during a breakup. Explore the impact of neurodiversity on relationships, emphasizing the importance of healing and forgiveness. Discover valuable insights on assessing relationship viability and navigating the turmoil of divorce. The conversation encourages embracing joy and comfort amidst pain, shedding light on both neurotypical and autistic perspectives.

During this episode, Mona talks about some of the emotions and feelings both partners may experience when one or both discovers they are a neurodiverse couple. She shares the shame she felt when she was struggling with postpartum depression for 2 years and attempts to normalize the feeling of not wanting to disclose to others what you are experiencing for fear of how people will respond or judge you.  In addition, she discusses the way guilt and anger may be experienced by both partners. She also talks about how one or both partners may experience denial around neurodiversity.  Although this may create some challenges, understanding how you and your partner are each hard-wired, and what may or may not be able to change, can be so helpful.  Mona also talks about how important it is for both partners to understand their own wants, needs, values, non-negotiables and boundaries and be able to discuss these with each other.  Sometimes love isn't enough and no matter what decision you make about your relationship, it's important to understand that your relationship is not a "community or family project". You and your partner can think outside the box and create the type of relationship that works for both of you.  Some neurodiverse couples enjoy living apart and planning dates together, others may live in different parts of the same house and eat meals together, others may be in open relationships or polyamorous.  No matter what you are feeling, or what type of relationship you are in, it's important to remember that your priority should be doing what works for you and your partner and not what pleases others. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmailcom Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Dr. Bronwyn Wilson is an educator, researcher and author.  In her personal life she is married to an autistic man and in a neurodiverse family.  Increasing understanding of neurodiverse relationships is her passion, and she will be one of the three guest co-hosts joining Mona for Season 5 of the Neurodiverse Love podcast. During this episode, we talk about the fact that many people still think that autism only occurs in children.  There is still  SO much misunderstanding regarding autistic adults.  We also talk about the stereotypes in film and  tv and how we need to do a better job of educating the world about neurodiversity and the strengths, differences and challenges of neurological differences.   Other topics addressed Include: The Lost Generation. How both partners in an neurodiverse relationship often "wish" they knew earlier about their neurological differences. The importance of accepting that you can't relive the past. Communication differences and understanding what you each need when you're in distress. How scripts can create challenges and misunderstandings. Everyone has needs they want to be met and learning how both partner get their needs met. Bron's research included survey's and conversations with 400 people throughout the world. Her next book is focused on educating counselors, therapists, family and friends. Cognitive differences that may be hard wired and how to understand each other's wiring Theory of mind difference and mindblindness. You can buy Bron's book: "Have They Gone Nuts? The Survival Guide to Social Interaction in Neurodiverse (Autistic-Neurotypical) Relationships" or contact her at: www.bronwilson.com  _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmailcom Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Liz  McClanahan is a therapist who is in a neurodiverse marriage and family.  During this episode, she talks about the expectations she had and the work she did after her and her husband divorced and then remarried (before they knew they were a neurodiverse couple).  She also shares how her husband's autism diagnosis changed "everything" in their relationship and family.  For the first time in his life her husband was able to unmask and together they created a "safe space" where they could both be their authentic selves. Other topics addressed are: Viewing your family of origin through a neurodiverse lens. The importance of differentiation and not taking on each other's emotions. Understanding how to create smoother transitions in communication and activities. Understanding PDA and reframing it as  "pressure and resistance". Trauma from having to mask. Reducing overwhelm by changing expectations.  Understanding what you each need and communicating that to your partner. Safety=routine and sameness. Reading your partner's energy. The value of "soft start-ups" and listening to understand. Liz asked her family what messages they would give to neurodiverse couples or families and she shares each of those at the end of the podcast. You can contact Liz at: https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/liz-mcclanahan ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmailcom Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Nicole Knowlton is a Marriage and Family Therapist who also has a  law degree.  During this episode. she talks about her work as a therapist and her own personal neurodiversity journey.  During Season 5, Nicole will be joining Mona as one of her "guest co-hosts"  on the podcast, so if you have any topics you would like Mona and Nicole to address in a future, please feel free to send an e-mail to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Other topics addressed are: What is "nesting" and how might it be helpful for children of separated or divorced parents?  Slow processing and how it can effect communication. Masking at the beginning of a relationship. Our internal narratives.  Core beliefs and stories we tell ourselves about failure and shame. Reprocessing life after diagnosis and self healing. The importance of remembering that "We are all doing the best we can and we need to have grace with the past". Misdiagnosis in adults. Boundaries and communication styles. Take "people" out of the problem while working to find a solution. Pursuer-withdrawer and other attachment styles.   Avoidant attachment style may be because parents did not know how to meet an autistic/neurodivergent child's needs. The importance of emotional safety in your relationship. Trauma can sometimes hide autism. Nicole does coaching, therapy and assessments.  You can find her on Psychology Today or on Twitter @aspietherapist _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmailcom Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode, Mona goes solo to talk about some of the confusing emotions both partner's may feel after learning they are in a Neurodiverse Love relationship.  In the discovery phase, each partner may feel some hope that they will move forward with more understanding for themselves, their partner and their relationship.  However, many times, after feeling hopeful, one or both partners may begin to feel grief.  The grief will probably look different for each partner, however it's important to acknowledge that it is real .  Mona talks about the 7 steps of grieving and how each may look and feel for each partner.  In addition, Mona talks about the importance of forgiveness of yourself and your partner, as you both work to understand more about the "unintentional" hurt you may have caused yourself and each other, before you knew how differently your brains are wired   Mona also shares how accepting that the dreams you had for your relationship, before you understood you were a neurodiverse couple, may no longer be applicable, and how important it is to accept yourself, your partner and the relationship that will be created as you move forward on a new path.  Lastly, Mona shares a little bit about what peace looks like when you are in a neurodiverse relationship.  Life may still be filled with lots of feelings, emotions and challenges, however both partners will have found different tools, techniques and strategies to work through the challenges that may come up.  Understanding and accepting the strengths, differences and challenges that are present and having more effective ways to address and acknowledge each of these can be a game changer!  Whether you continue working together in your relationship, or you choose to end your relationship, this episode will provide some important validation about the feelings both partners may be experiencing. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmailcom.   You can also go to: www.neurodiverselove.com to learn more about the resources available for neurodiverse couples. Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

The Neurodiverse Love Conference will be held on February 14th & 15th, 2023.  Buy your ticket before February 11th at midnight EST, to get a 50% discount on your ticket.  Click here to learn more about the 27 conference presentations and to buy your ticket today!  All the sessions are pre-recorded, so if you are not able to join us live you will have up to 3 months to listen to all the fabulous presentations. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Lorna Hecker is a therapist, coach and Professor Emerita at Purdue University Northwestern.  While at Purdue she directed the Couple and Family Center for 25 years.  She is also the author of the newly released book: Different Planets: Understanding Your Neurodiverse Relationship. During this episode, we talk about the "couple patterns" that can occur in neurodiverse relationships.  We specifically discuss the "pursuer-distancer" pattern that can create challenges when partners don't understand that complaining and criticism can lead to shutdown and/or a sense of failure.  Lorna also addresses the importance and value of "kind bluntness", rather than "assuming".  She also shares a little about some of the communication differences she has experienced in her neurodiverse family.  In addition, some of the other topics addressed during this episode are: The importance of appreciation and admiration and why your partner needs it. The challenges that can occur in a high needs household Don't blame or scapegoat your relationship. The impact of a sensitive nervous system How a "wall of awful" gets built. Don't assume your partner knows something that comes naturally to you! Fill your own bucket to get some of your needs met. Being attracted to reliability. How burnout may look different for each partner. Increase understanding of why masking may be happening. We all have different brain styles. Small talk as a stepping stone to get to know someone. Learn how to not take things personally. Power issues in a ND relationship. What is alexythymia and how it may be impacting your relationship. Lorna is available for therapy, coaching and psychoeducation.  You can reach her at: www.neurodiversewellness.com _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmailcom Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!