Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

Tim Donovan is a licensed certified social worker who has been in practice since 1992.  He is also  an AANE Certified Therapist who shares how important it was for him to update his approach to therapy to include a neurological lens. Tim shares some of the knowledge and strategies he learned from the AANE training and talks about how he has integrated this information into his therapy practice. Tim also provides examples of how the AANE certification gave him the confidence to address neurodiversity in counseling sessions. Tim also addresses: The overlap in diagnoses. Figuring out which issue is doing the speaking. Helping couples see the bigger picture. How to incorporate AANE concepts when there is reluctance to accept neurodiversity. Using "QAAA" (Question-Answer-Answer-Answer) as a connection tool. The value of "connection codes". Perspective taking and the "duck/bunny" picture.  Understanding the impact of sensory sensitivities. Tim also conducts  therapeutic "weekend intensives" with couples and he provides an overview of this modality. You can contact Tim at: www.tcdonovan.com, or by email or phone at tcdonovanlcsw@gmail.com or 410-583-2622. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Remy Springer is a new mom and another AANE certified therapist who shares how parenting and pregnancy may impact a neurodiverse couple.  More specifically, we discuss how communication challenges can increase and how sleep deprivation and changes to routine can lead to more anxiety.  In addition, we address the importance of understanding what each partner needs to be fully present for their partner and family, and the importance of making time to recharge to reduce overwhelm.  We also address the following: Strategies for helping with the transition from work to home. Communicating the expectations when transitioning from work to home. Mirroring to make sure both partners are in-sync regarding expectations. Understanding sensory sensitivities that neurodivergent women may experience during pregnancy. Some health care challenges that neurodiverse couples may experience and the importance of both self and partner advocacy. Preparing both partners for the birth process. The importance of tone, semantics and the need to be more concise, concrete and precise. The need for more resources about co-parenting as a neurodiverse couple. The importance of remembering that you and your partner are a "co-parenting team". You can email Remy at: remy@remyspringer.com _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I have a very important conversation with another AANE Certified Therapist, Dr. Alix Mansbach.  Alix provides a summary of the diagnostic evaluation process she conducts with those who are seeking an autism diagnosis.  The evaluation includes a 2 hour interview, 2 hours of testing and a 2 hour feedback session.  We discuss the importance of having an opportunity to talk to family members, or the intimate partner of the person seeking a diagnosis.  By learning more about this comprehensive assessment process it can help neurodivergent individuals and their loved ones understand the evaluation process before moving forward on finding an experienced clinician who can conduct the evaluation.  While a formal diagnostic evaluation isn't something everyone wants to pursue, some people move forward on this process because they want and/or need accommodations at work or school, or they want to better understand themselves and their relationships.  Those who want ongoing support through therapy or counseling are referred to clinicians with expertise in neurodiversity. Alix can also conduct comprehensive "neuropsychological" evaluations which include an evaluation of the following: academic achievement, intelligence, language, memory, attention, emotional functioning, executive functioning.  These evaluations include 9 hours of testing , 2 hours of interviews and a 2 hour feedback session. During this episode we also discuss how many autistic females Alix has worked with may have had a lot of "treatment resistant" anxiety and depression before realizing they are autistic.  However, many may also be able to leverage their cognitive skills to make sense of the social world, but unfortunately, this often comes at a great psychological cost!!  Alix shares some of the things her female clients have told her as they describe how they have felt in a neurotypical world.  She also shares how many highly intelligent women can mask her autistic traits and score as a neurotypical on the ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) which is one of the widely used assessment tools. We have a long way to go to better understand how our society can support both autistic and non-autistic individuals to better understand themselves and their partners, however it is important to know that there are skilled clinicians and diagnosticians available who understand how neurology can impact well-being, daily life and  relationships and are working to ensure that the best assessment tools and processes are used to help each person live their best life.. You can contact Alix at the Center for Assessment and Treatment in Chevy Chase, Maryland at: www.caatonline.com  or by calling: 240-424-0184 ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please sign-up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Warning: During this episode we talk about masturbation, sex and porn addiction, and betrayal.  Julianne Cusick is a therapist and betrayal trauma specialist in Colorado and is also an AANE certified therapist.  Julianne shares a little about her personal story through betrayal trauma early in her marriage.  She also talks about how discovering her adopted daughter is autistic led her down another path in her marriage, as she and her husband also learned they were a neurodiverse couple.   During this episode we talk about how it feels to watch your partner excel in all areas of his life and repeatedly find that there are challenges that only seem to exist in your intimate relationship.  As expectations inside the relationship increase, anxiety can grow as partners try to meet requests made of them.  A unique set of challenges manifests and we address them during this episode.  Julianne also describes the assessment process she goes through to determine if a couple is neurodiverse.  It's not about blame or shame, it's about understanding, compassion and growth.  Traditional couples counseling can be very damaging when there is "unknown neurodiversity' and it is critical to have an experienced therapist or coach who can serve as an interpreter and investigator, and provide a path forward that is healing and hopeful. Some of the other issues we address in this powerful episode include: Co-dependence The impact of low self-esteem and self-worth How IQ can drop when anxiety is present Developing self-resilience The importance of understanding each other's difference perspectives (Duck-Bunny picture) Holding space for each other Using addictions and compulsions to numb trauma The Minwalla Method for treating betrayal  This is a powerful episode that I hope will help many individuals and couples who are experiencing challenges with betrayal trauma or addictions.  Suffering in silence, or alone, and not being able to find the help, support and the healing tools needed-can be devastating.  I hope this episode brings some light, hope and understanding to others.  Please visit Julianne's website to learn more about her work: www.restoringthesoul.com ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please sign-up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, another wonderful AANE certified coach and therapist, Barbara Grant, shares how both her personal and professional experience have helped her better understand the strengths, differences and challenges in neurodiverse relationships.  She talks about her first marriage that ended after 20 years, and how unknown neurodiversity impacted that relationship  She also provides excellent tools and strategies that she uses to help neurodiverse couples and individuals on their unique journey's.  Barbara shares an overview of the 5 stages of change and talks about how each stage may look for neurodiverse couples.  Barbara also takes the audience through the process she helps couples navigate as they move from "education" about the neurodiverse paradigm, to "energized", as they work together to understand each other's unique strengths and differences and learn effective tools to  reduce challenges.    In addition, Barbara talks about the trauma that may occur for each partner and within the relationship.   Other important issues that Barbara addresses include: The ABCDE's of Couple Burnout Anxiety and depression How a neurodiverse relationship is like a "3 legged race" The different types of presentation of neurodiversity  The process and benefit of "active listening"  How good communication is like a game of "catch" The importance of "discernment coaching/counseling"   Barbara offers free 25 minutes consultations and she can be reached at: www.bg-hc.com or www.hopeforcouples.net _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Karen Watson is an AANE certified therapist who provides insight into her professional experience working with neurodiverse couples and her personal experience in a neurodiverse relationship.  During one of her therapy sessions, Karen's therapist suggested that she might be married to an autistic man and through that new lens, the way she viewed her marriage began to change.  Because of her personal experience, Karen knows how important it is for neurodiverse couples to work with a therapist who understands neurodiverse adults and neurodiverse couples.  Many "invisible challenges"  may be present that  couples (and therapists) may not understand.  These invisible challenges that are due to neurological differences can present as sensory difficulties, theory of mind challenges and cognitive differences.   In addition, Karen talks about how the current system creates challenges for obtaining a formal diagnosis for those who want to move in that direction. Karen also addresses many other important issues including: Asking for what you need. The importance of perspective taking. Changing the way we look at our partners...be curious, rather then hurt. The impact of trauma for both partners. Understanding and preparing for "life transitions". Learning about the cycle of shame. The value of taking "time outs" and using "code words". Accommodations that may need to be made in a therapists office, when working with neurodiverse couples. Believing your partner when they say "I don't know" and understanding this is not an excuse. Both partners adapting and understanding when a "relief valve" is needed.  You can contact Karen at: www.creativewisdomcounseling.com _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I have an opportunity to talk with another AANE Certified Therapist, Stephen Robertson.  Stephen talks about his own neurodiverse journey and some of the lessons he learned after his marriage ended.  He also shares how it took him a lifetime to get his Autism diagnosis and some of the challenges he had with therapy...until a therapist suggested he might be autistic.  His graduate thesis was on "what it is like to be an autistic person in a Master's program" and during that process he learned a lot about himself, and why he and his ex-wife had such different perspectives on marriage.   When working with neurodiverse couples Stephen takes time to meet with each partner separately.  He has learned that their stories about the challenges in the relationship can be SO different.  Stephen also stresses how important it is for both partners to understand each other's perspectives and he talks about how he uses several of the tools and techniques he learned through AANE to help address this: the Duck/Bunny picture and QAAA.  In addition, Stephen provides lots of valuable information about his own personal journey and his commitment to helping neurodiverse couples thrive.  More specifically he discusses: The value of slowing down, listening and validating each other. Determining if the patterns in your relationship are serving you and your partner. Understanding what your anger is telling you (ie: unmet need?) Grieving for the relationship you thought you would have. Creating trust and genuine interest in your partner. The importance of remaining curious. How some of our coping mechanisms are destructive. The way things changed when he and his ex-wife moved in together and how much she taught him. Don't expect you partner to read your mind. How "understanding" has been a gift. The "work" will continue throughout our lifetime. You can contact Stephen at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center in San Jose, CA. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I have an opportunity to talk with Laura Schreiner, another AANE certified therapist.  Laura is also in a neurodiverse relationship and when her and her spouse discovered he was on the spectrum, she began to ask herself "What About Me?"   That question led her to create a support group called "What About Me? (WAM) for neurotypical partners.  The group has been meeting for about two years and Laura shares a little bit about the work she is doing with the group.   In addition, Laura shares some of the answers she came up with as she began understanding so much more about her own marriage.  She  also talks in-depth about how she helps neurodiverse couples gain a better understanding of whether they are in each other's universe, galaxy or solar system and how they can visit each other's planet and communicate well when they come from different planets. Astronomy is a shared interest between her and her husband and that helped guide her to create this assessment process. Laura also addresses many other important issues including: The Communication Roundabout. Conversational intimacy. The importance of repair. What is "burden"? How each partner may be different inside and outside of their love relationship. Understanding and being aware of where you are in you relationship. The importance of relaxing your nervous system. How can both partners get their needs met? Stay present in the moment.  Don't focus on the past before you knew you were neurologically different. Creating a system to address executive function challenges. If you live in Illinois, and would like to contact Laura about therapy, or her support group, her website is: www.laurasnc.com and her email is: lucid@laurasnc.com _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.  For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode you will hear from another AANE certified therapist, Constanze Schwaerzer-Dutta.  Conni lives in Germany and shares her own self-discovery journey and what made her wonder if she might be autistic.  She shares about the challenges she was having in a training for family therapists that made her move forward on pursing an autism diagnosis.  As a trainer, consultant and therapist Conni works to understand each person's perspective.  When she is counseling neurodiverse couples she serves as a translator and provides a safe space  for both partners to learn tools that can help them reduce conflict.  During this episode, Conni shares important information about her personal and professional experiences including: The value of combining problem solving and nurturing. The importance of neurodivergent individuals trusting their own perception. Understanding the fluidity of  "gender identity". Practicing "solidarity" as a way to show empathy. The impact of cognitive empathy. How things change when couples do "daily life" together. Spoon theory and having an empty "social account". Cognitive resources change when the relationship progresses. Conversation and language can mean different things to each partner. Learning what makes daily transitions smoother. Speaking under pressure, overthinking and thinking too much and doing too little. Being afraid to ask, guess or get it wrong. Why neurodiverse couples have the same conversation 3 times! Knowing that it is okay to do things in the order that works for you and your partner. You can contact Conni through her website at: https://autistic-love.de/ or at: https://www.constanzeschwaerzer.de _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this bonus episode of the podcast, 23 year old autistic filmmaker Louis Bennies talks about his neurodiverse journey.  He shares a little about some of the gifts and unique differences his parents saw in him that may have contributed to them moving forward on his ASD/ADHD diagnosis. Louis also shares how his college thesis focused on how autistic people are portrayed in film and tv.  Part of his work as a writer, filmmaker and producer is to show the world the many dimensions and strengths of autistic individuals.  It makes him sad to see only the stereotypes of autism that are portrayed in film and tv.  So he is using his many creative talents and skills to help change that and increase understanding of neurodiversity. Last year, Louis released a wonderful short film called "SIGNALES" that was produced with German speaking actors, but has captions in English.  The film is a wonderfully honest example of what a first love can look like, when an autistic young man is interested in a fellow student who is not autistic.  Through his film Louis wants people to know  how autistic people feel and think in various life situations, including romantic relationships.   Louis is a gifted writer, filmmaker and producer and is working on making his short film into a feature film.  In the expanded film, he wants to delve deeper into the main characters and show how they deal with more of life's challenges and difficulties.  Louis hopes to one day be a studio film director and loves making dramas that show real-life situations, that include conflict that is told in an honest, realistic way.  He loves to be moved by movies---and I think anyone that watches "Signales" will be moved by the young couple that is navigating their unique differences and strengths with kindness, compassion and grace. Check out the short film Signales on Louis Bennies YouTube Channel.  You can also follow Louis on IG @mindmaster58    If you are interested in helping to fund the feature length version of Signales, please check out the fundraising page.  Thanks everyone:-) _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to contact Mona you can e-mail her at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or you can follow her on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also check out the resources available at: www.neurodiverselove.com Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!