Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

I want to thank everyone in the Neurodiversity Love community who has been listening to the podcast. I also want to thank my previous co-hosts (Olga & Manecia), and all the guests who have been a part of this journey. We have listeners in more then 60 countries and have had about 70,000 plays of the podcast. In addition, since 2020, we’ve published more then 120 episodes. For Season 5, I will be recording 4-6 episodes with each of my new co-hosts: Greg Fuqua, Bronwyn Wilson and Nicole Knowlton. I hope that all of you will continue to learn new information that can help increase understanding in your neurodiverse relationships. Lastly, if you haven’t registered for the Neurodiverse Love Conference that will be held on 2/14 & 2/15, please go to: www.neurodiverselove.com to get a 50% discount on your ticket. All the presentations have been prerecorded, so If you can’t join us live don’t worry. Everyone who purchases a ticket will have access to all the conference sessions for up to 3 months. Thank you again for your support of the podcast!

If you have already bought your ticket, OR you buy your ticket to the Neurodiverse Love Conference before 1/17/23 at Midnight (EST), you will be able to participate in a FREE live Zoom workshop on 2/21/23 at 7pm EST with the original co-hosts of the Neurodiverse Love podcast (Mona, Olga and Manecia). We will answer your questions and provide everyone with an update on where we are in our lives and the lessons we have learned since we started the podcast. We look forward to talking with all of you on 2/21/23💗. Tickets can be purchased at: www.neurodiverselove.com

 Tickets for the Neurodiverse Love Virtual Conference are available!!! The conference will be held on February 14th and 15th, 2023 from 11am-7pm EST.   If you'd like to access the link for a 50% discount on the ticket price, or learn more about the presenters, please visit www.neurodiverselove.com. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Amanda Platner is the Director of Adult Programs at the Emory Autism Center.  She is also a clinical psychologist and another AANE certified therapist.  During this episode, we  talk about the journey autistic individuals may travel as they move forward on being their "authentic selves".  We address the conversations that might have never happened, and those that may take place in relationships with professional colleagues, family members and in intimate or romantic relationships.  Amanda shares that many of the individuals she works with have moments of revelation and excitement as they receive their autism diagnosis, or begin to self-identify as autistic.  However, what follows next may include changes that not everyone is prepared for, or knows how to address.  One of the important questions to ask may be "who are the people in my life who are going to be impacted when I am my authentic self?"  As many autistic individuals may not be aware that they have been masking throughout their life, communicating their wants, needs, non-negotiables and boundaries, with compassion and respect may help things move smoother on the journey forward. Amanda also talks about how the neurotypical partner may feel left behind when their autistic partner moves forward on living authentically.  She addresses some of the ways in which both partners can work together to maintain and/or create a healthy relationship, both individually and as a couple.  Creating and/or maintaining important rituals may be a helpful process. While also understanding that both partners may experience some grief and mourning for the relationship they thought they would have with themselves and their partner. As the relationship moves forward, it is important to remember that some of the core challenges may involve communication difficulties and understanding emotions.   Lastly, we talk about the importance of creating balance in life and in romantic relationships.  More specifically we address the value of creating and agreeing on boundaries that can help create balance regarding intense interests.   Whether you are the autistic partner or the neurotypical/non-autistic partner in your relationship, understanding what each of you need to thrive in life and in your romantic relationship will help both partners live an authentic life.  Sometimes that life includes maintaining your current relationship and sometimes a change is needed.  No matter what path each of us choose, we all deserve to be in relationships where we can thrive. You can contact Amanda at: amanda.k.platner@emory.edu or call: 404-727-8350   ________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist or coach, or you would like to register for the "Neurology Matters" training available through AANE for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. ____________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.   

The Neurodiverse Love Virtual Conference will be held on February 14th and 15th, 2023 and tickets go on sale on 1/2/23. If you are interested in learning more about the conference presenters, please visit www.neurodiverselove.com.  If you want to get access to more information about the conference, please sign up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter . ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Janelle Homan has been doing therapy with families and couples in Brisbane, Australia for many years.  She is also an AANE certified therapist and shares lots of valuable information during this episode.  Janelle has viewed family therapy as a 3 part process: psychoeducation; acceptance and realignment of expectations and understanding uniqueness; and as an opportunity to be more effective and work as a team.  She also uses system theory to help guide her work  and looks at ways to create a better emotional climate so that all family members can improve performance.  Some of the other topics discussed include: Understanding the relational experience and the patterns. How the process becomes the problem, not the partner. Embracing neuro-minorities We need a "curiosity" to understand difference. Attachment theory. Capacity for emotional experiencing and expression. Calming our nervous system and understanding our own triggers. The importance of problem solving in a calm state. Understanding coping styles that might create a reactive cycle. Both partners have different capacities and need to be willing to do the work. Understanding that emotion trumps logic and how to give empathy. The value of play and fun in therapy. Externalizing the problems. Secondary trauma and neurodiversity. Communication roundabout. You can contact Janelle at: www.janellehoman.com ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off  the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

The Neurodiverse Love Conference Virtual Conference will be held on February 14th and 15th, 2023 and tickets go on sale on 1/2/23.   If you are interested in learning more about the conference presenters please go to www.neurodiverselove.com.  If you want to get access to more information about the conference, please sign up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter . ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  During this episode another AANE certified therapist, Dr. Rahimeh Andalibian shares about her personal trauma experiences and her neurodiverse journey, as well as the path she traveled to begin working with neurodivergent adults and neurodiverse couples.  Rahimeh talks about the importance of working with a therapist who has expertise in neurodiversity and how a therapist without this knowledge can cause "flooding" for the  neurodivergent client.  Most of the people who contact the practice that Rahimeh owns called "Spectrum Services", are in pain.  Rahimeh and her team work with each client to gain a better understanding of the source of the pain.  Through assessment, diagnosis and/or therapy, clients are given an opportunity to find the path that will help them gain clarity, as they work to live their best, most authentic lives. Some of the other topics addressed include: How trauma, race, culture and religion can cover up neurodiversity. Executive function and emotional reciprocity differences in parenting that can create challenges. The "dance" in therapy, when there is unknown neurodiversity. When one partner is autistic and the other is ADHD, the source of the challenges may be misunderstood. Understanding triggers that actually may be sensory sensitivities. The impact of trauma on emotional regulation.  Traumatized reactions can stay within our body! Getting coverage from your insurance for the evaluation/diagnosis process. The value of on-line screening tools to begin the self-assessment process. How a "strength-based"  diagnosis can help partners understand the language they speak and determine how they can connect. What it means to "Feel it", "See it", and "Help/Understand it". It is critical to knock down and get through the shame...We are all here to walk each other home!  You can contact Dr. Andalibian at: www.spectrumservicesnyc.org or at www.rahimeh.com ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off  the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.  For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com  Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

In this discussion, Dr. Carrie Mitran, an AANE-certified therapist and creator of the Mitran Model, shares her journey in neurodiverse relationships. She emphasizes understanding neurodiversity as a culture rather than a medical issue. Core challenges in neurodiverse couples include misunderstood communication and unrecognized anxiety. Dr. Mitran advocates for personal identity exploration and practical micro-interventions to enhance mutual understanding. She urges a shift from mere acceptance to affirming neurodivergent identities, encouraging openness and self-awareness in relationships.

Tim Donovan is a licensed certified social worker who has been in practice since 1992.  He is also  an AANE Certified Therapist who shares how important it was for him to update his approach to therapy to include a neurological lens. Tim shares some of the knowledge and strategies he learned from the AANE training and talks about how he has integrated this information into his therapy practice. Tim also provides examples of how the AANE certification gave him the confidence to address neurodiversity in counseling sessions. Tim also addresses: The overlap in diagnoses. Figuring out which issue is doing the speaking. Helping couples see the bigger picture. How to incorporate AANE concepts when there is reluctance to accept neurodiversity. Using "QAAA" (Question-Answer-Answer-Answer) as a connection tool. The value of "connection codes". Perspective taking and the "duck/bunny" picture.  Understanding the impact of sensory sensitivities. Tim also conducts  therapeutic "weekend intensives" with couples and he provides an overview of this modality. You can contact Tim at: www.tcdonovan.com, or by email or phone at tcdonovanlcsw@gmail.com or 410-583-2622. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Remy Springer is a new mom and another AANE certified therapist who shares how parenting and pregnancy may impact a neurodiverse couple.  More specifically, we discuss how communication challenges can increase and how sleep deprivation and changes to routine can lead to more anxiety.  In addition, we address the importance of understanding what each partner needs to be fully present for their partner and family, and the importance of making time to recharge to reduce overwhelm.  We also address the following: Strategies for helping with the transition from work to home. Communicating the expectations when transitioning from work to home. Mirroring to make sure both partners are in-sync regarding expectations. Understanding sensory sensitivities that neurodivergent women may experience during pregnancy. Some health care challenges that neurodiverse couples may experience and the importance of both self and partner advocacy. Preparing both partners for the birth process. The importance of tone, semantics and the need to be more concise, concrete and precise. The need for more resources about co-parenting as a neurodiverse couple. The importance of remembering that you and your partner are a "co-parenting team". You can email Remy at: remy@remyspringer.com _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I have a very important conversation with another AANE Certified Therapist, Dr. Alix Mansbach.  Alix provides a summary of the diagnostic evaluation process she conducts with those who are seeking an autism diagnosis.  The evaluation includes a 2 hour interview, 2 hours of testing and a 2 hour feedback session.  We discuss the importance of having an opportunity to talk to family members, or the intimate partner of the person seeking a diagnosis.  By learning more about this comprehensive assessment process it can help neurodivergent individuals and their loved ones understand the evaluation process before moving forward on finding an experienced clinician who can conduct the evaluation.  While a formal diagnostic evaluation isn't something everyone wants to pursue, some people move forward on this process because they want and/or need accommodations at work or school, or they want to better understand themselves and their relationships.  Those who want ongoing support through therapy or counseling are referred to clinicians with expertise in neurodiversity. Alix can also conduct comprehensive "neuropsychological" evaluations which include an evaluation of the following: academic achievement, intelligence, language, memory, attention, emotional functioning, executive functioning.  These evaluations include 9 hours of testing , 2 hours of interviews and a 2 hour feedback session. During this episode we also discuss how many autistic females Alix has worked with may have had a lot of "treatment resistant" anxiety and depression before realizing they are autistic.  However, many may also be able to leverage their cognitive skills to make sense of the social world, but unfortunately, this often comes at a great psychological cost!!  Alix shares some of the things her female clients have told her as they describe how they have felt in a neurotypical world.  She also shares how many highly intelligent women can mask her autistic traits and score as a neurotypical on the ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) which is one of the widely used assessment tools. We have a long way to go to better understand how our society can support both autistic and non-autistic individuals to better understand themselves and their partners, however it is important to know that there are skilled clinicians and diagnosticians available who understand how neurology can impact well-being, daily life and  relationships and are working to ensure that the best assessment tools and processes are used to help each person live their best life.. You can contact Alix at the Center for Assessment and Treatment in Chevy Chase, Maryland at: www.caatonline.com  or by calling: 240-424-0184 ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please sign-up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Warning: During this episode we talk about masturbation, sex and porn addiction, and betrayal.  Julianne Cusick is a therapist and betrayal trauma specialist in Colorado and is also an AANE certified therapist.  Julianne shares a little about her personal story through betrayal trauma early in her marriage.  She also talks about how discovering her adopted daughter is autistic led her down another path in her marriage, as she and her husband also learned they were a neurodiverse couple.   During this episode we talk about how it feels to watch your partner excel in all areas of his life and repeatedly find that there are challenges that only seem to exist in your intimate relationship.  As expectations inside the relationship increase, anxiety can grow as partners try to meet requests made of them.  A unique set of challenges manifests and we address them during this episode.  Julianne also describes the assessment process she goes through to determine if a couple is neurodiverse.  It's not about blame or shame, it's about understanding, compassion and growth.  Traditional couples counseling can be very damaging when there is "unknown neurodiversity' and it is critical to have an experienced therapist or coach who can serve as an interpreter and investigator, and provide a path forward that is healing and hopeful. Some of the other issues we address in this powerful episode include: Co-dependence The impact of low self-esteem and self-worth How IQ can drop when anxiety is present Developing self-resilience The importance of understanding each other's difference perspectives (Duck-Bunny picture) Holding space for each other Using addictions and compulsions to numb trauma The Minwalla Method for treating betrayal  This is a powerful episode that I hope will help many individuals and couples who are experiencing challenges with betrayal trauma or addictions.  Suffering in silence, or alone, and not being able to find the help, support and the healing tools needed-can be devastating.  I hope this episode brings some light, hope and understanding to others.  Please visit Julianne's website to learn more about her work: www.restoringthesoul.com ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please sign-up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!