Better Sex

The Guide to Getting It On: A Self-Published Phenomenon If there was ever an excuse to self-publish a book, The Guide is a great example of how successful one can be using the practice. After Paul had taken nine years to finish the first draft of what would become The Guide To Getting It On, he wasn’t met with much success as he tried to get his work into circulation. Even a North Carolinian editor of a publishing house wagged his finger, saying that the subject matter would never fly; but ironically, years later, his book is being used as a central resource for sexual education for three college courses in North Carolina. Paul goes on to speak about the many iterations of the book--he even had to cut almost half of his draft to appease editors. He eventually self-published the book and the rest is history. And for the rest on the ever-changing forms and revisions, the book has undergone, tune into the episode. It is a great listen! Why'd You Write About Sex, Paul? Money! Paul is a self-professed cash hound. Only joking, of course. In all seriousness, Paul had a very noble reason for choosing to write about sex so prolifically and profoundly: he wanted to help those who have anxiety regarding sex. He is also fascinated by the topic and wanted to provide as much an education for the average person as possible, with calculated dollops of comedic relief and cleverness thrown in for good measure. Pick up a copy of his book if you want to experience it for yourself! Generation P (Porn) There are many reasons why Paul’s work is so important: one of the most pressing needs is to teach a younger generation so steeped in porn that the industry is meant for entertainment, and thus should not be taken to be real sex. Because of porn’s ubiquity, more people are getting a degree in porn over a real sexual education. Masturbation isn’t a bad thing. Porn isn’t a bad thing. But to substitute a real anatomical and physiological understanding for one that isn’t real is detrimental to a collective understanding of the sexual realm. To hear more thoughts on the topic, listen along. Inclusivity is Overrated Paul talks about how conforming to hyper-politically-correct aspects of society tends to lead to bad writing. He also talks about how he learned early on to stick to the principle of: “write what you know.” The point being that the homosexual community doesn’t want to be patronized. They are strong enough as a community. And because Paul writes predominantly about heterosexual sex, his work is best served not trying to be overly-inclusive in nature. To paraphrase a quote by Kurt Vonnegut: “write for just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, your writing will get pneumonia.” “Vulva? You Mean The Car?” During his career, Paul has struggled with knowing when to adopt new language for different editions of his book. Because nomenclature is always changing, and language as a whole is constantly evolving, the need to stay current is incredibly pressing. And that is one of the challenges of writing; he said that he learned the hard way to stop telling people what they should call certain parts of the body. For example, for years he referred to the vulva in his books, but he has since learned that not a lot of people are comfortable with the term. "Vagina" is a much friendlier term. For more on this, tune in! Is The Guide Safe For Teenagers? You Betcha! One question that Paul gets asked a lot is if he can write another sex guide solely for teenagers. They are often referred back to the original source. As if teenagers need more abstractions and euphemisms instead of a thorough education on sexual function and health. To learn more why an entire guide devoted to teenagers is unnecessary, stop by and listen for yourself! About Paul Joannides Paul Joannides had aspirations to write chemistry books before he turned to the complex world of sex. And thankfully for every fan, reader, and student of his magnum opus, The Guide To Getting It On, he has devoted the majority of his intellectual (and comedic) energy to providing a fresh, nuanced perspective on sexuality. Some call it the “bible of sex” and others have called it the best-assigned reading of the entirety of their college coursework. The superlatives are certainly justified. Joannides has provided readers 9 editions of the book, all with updated terms, topics, and research to guarantee the text being used in many classrooms nationwide are as up-to-date as possible. His research and writing skills have garnered acclaim from publications such as Playboy, Rolling Stone, and Oprah Magazine. And this isn’t even mentioning the awards he has won for his work, including the Professional Standard of Excellence Award, given to him by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. The list of his accolades could go on! In addition to his groundbreaking work on The Guide, he has a Psy.D. and is a Training and Supervising Psychoanalyst. For Videos, Contact Information, Recipes, and Other Resources Regarding Paul Joannides: Paul’s Website: https://www.guide2getting.com/videos/ Link for his book: The Guide To Getting It On - https://amzn.to/2Dc4jnO More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Our Body Image: Is it Environmentally Reinforced? To start this episode, Jenny shares her fascination for the “etiology” (origin) of our body image. That is, when did we first become self-conscious about our bodies? Jenny states that she did over sixty interviews during the research stage of The Body Image Blueprint and the answer she found is fascinating. To learn of this central source, where most of our insecurities first become apparent, tune into the episode. The Positive Impacts of Jenny’s Work Jenny shares some of the facets of her clients’ lives that are completely enriched and rejuvenated: from improved self-esteem to VASTLY improved sexual function, all were centered on techniques that were gradually applied and eventually compounded to an increased quality of life. For more on just how positive the impacts of her work, you can read testimonials on her website, as well as listen along to the episode. Body Image and Sexuality Plain and simple, one’s body image is inextricably linked to one’s sexuality. And because of that, Jenny knows the symptoms of stress and insecurity, and how they can detract from an overall healthy sexuality. During the interview, she talks about the importance of expansion over restriction. So often, self-consciousness holds us back from being our most expressive self in the bedroom, and as a result, our sex suffers. As Jenny states, we are often far too mired in our stress-response to actually experience pleasure. The bedroom shouldn’t be a stress-inducing place; it should be stress-relieving. For more brilliant insights on the topic, Jenny goes even deeper during the interview. Lights Off During Sex? Not Anymore! Jenny relays the tragic fact that many are too ashamed of their bodies to have sex with the lights on. Be it the result of shame or an inability to be comfortable in their own skin, many are afraid. But Jenny has a technique which she uses with some of her clients. It involves a mirror and it has vast potential for getting people more comfortable with their naked bodies. Tune in to hear what it entails. Not Just Women, but Men as Well Another important fact that Jenny points out during the interview is that men are affected by negative body images as well. Be it specific measurements of a certain nature or socially-reinforced ideas of muscularity and masculinity, the guy can go through the same sort of insecurities about body image as the woman. Embracing Pleasure Through Sensuality and Mindfulness Jenny states that embracing pleasure is absolutely essential for any healthy dynamic in the bedroom. And the way to get there is through sensuality and mindfulness. Regarding sensuality, we need to focus on the sensations that arise in the moment. Once we become attuned to our bodies instead of looking to escape them, we can truly learn to embrace pleasure. There are certain mindfulness techniques that Jenny brings up during the episode that are very helpful in achieving this focus on sensuality. Check it out! The Three Precursors to Love The first two precursors to a love of one’s body are trust and respect. The first of these, trust, might be the most important of the precursors. Through it, we can learn to trust the sensations that we feel, without looking for an end goal. Because poor performance or an unsatisfactory ending can derail a positive sexual experience, learning to trust the present-moment sensations and experiences is of tantamount importance. Through mindfulness, sex becomes less about “finishing” and more about the sensual journey along the way. For the last precursor to self-love, listen to the interview! Mindful Eating Jenny also talks about how the same sort of principles used for mindfulness during sex can be used for eating. Looking to change her clients’ perceptions about eating as a whole, the activity becomes a much more profound experience when approached through mindfulness. To learn some of the benefits, as well as how to go about eating mindfully, listen to the episode. About Jenny Berk Jenny Berk has spent considerable time helping her clients love their bodies. She bestows upon clients the tools to foster a positive self-image, an acceptance of self, and increased levels of self-esteem. Her main objective is to reorient the thinking of the people she works closely with, helping them heal from a body-image perspective and tune into intrinsic wisdom to learn how to nourish ourselves naturally and joyfully. She has earned a Master of Science in Education and Psychological Services from the University of Pennsylvania. In addition, she has more than 14 years of experience as a professional health coach. Also, Jenny has authored the best-selling book, The Body Image Blueprint: Your Go-To Guide for Radical Self-Reverence. And lastly, she is the pioneer of The Beyond Weight Loss™ Method which has changed the lives of many people, herself included. She resides in Boston with her husband, 3 spirited daughters and 2 kittens. When she’s not coaching, she loves to travel, hike, cook and entertain and spend time with good friends and family and languish over a delicious meal and a deep talk. To Contact or Learn More About Jenny Berk Jenny’s email: suzanna@thedatemaven.com & her website: : www.jennyedencoaching.com Link for her book: The Body Blueprint Instagram - www.instagram.com/coachjennyeden Pinterest - www.pinterest.com/coachjennyeden FB group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1738140356456267/ Linked In - https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennyedenberk/ Twitter - www.twitter.com/coachjennyeden FB business page - https://www.facebook.com/jennyedencoaching/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Pornography - the good and the bad Listen to the discussion of the role of Erotica and Pornography in a relationship and the positive and negative impacts. Defining Pornography What is the definition of pornography? Listen as Steven succinctly describes pornography and erotica and the overlapping interpretations of arousing materials. Hear the use and role of sex in regularly available cultural artifacts like magazines and videos. Problems discussed in therapy What are the issues in relationships and for individuals? Hear Steven identify how males and females present their concerns at the onset of therapy discussions. Comparing and Contrasting Males and Females Tune in as Steven discusses arousal for males and females. Hear him identify the differences and further the discussion of identifying sexually arousing materials for men and women. Usefulness of Pornography Is there a positive effect of using pornography? Listen as Steven describes the initial visual interactions of males with sex and arousing material. Steven illustrates the point that pornography often fills the role of sexual education for young adolescent males in the absence of other guiding forces. Talking about Sexuality Steven emphasizes the importance of identifying false expectations based on pornographic materials and the significance for appropriate communication with adolescents. Accessible Pornography The significance of shame and the accessibility of pornography are ideas that drive some individuals to use porn. Join in to hear Steven describe how the easy accessibility of pornography helps people avoid interactions and an associated shame of sex. Identifying Problematic Situations “What is the negative impact in your life as a result of this?” We learn about the personal and professional scenarios where pornography has impacted his clients. Listen as he talks about the need for being specific to examine the impact of pornography on a person’s life. Me Time Hear Steven talk about how men describe the use of pornography as “me time”. He highlights this issue to springboard into the topic of the purpose of porn for his clients and then how this affects a partner’s perspective in the relationship. Improving Communication in a Relationship Steven emphasizes how starting the discussion about pornography in a relationship helps improve communication and can help open the conversation about sexual preferences and interests between partners. Changing Behavior How do you initiate the change for personal improvement? We learn about the beginning for any personal change. He identifies lifestyle changes that are necessary to move forward. “If you’re on a diet, do not go into the ice cream parlor to see what flavors they’re serving.” Listen as Steven describes how changes in circumstance are necessary for real changes to occur in one’s lifestyle and interactions with pornography. Cutting Back How about cutting back on pornography use? Steven discusses the ability or lack thereof to balance pornography use and cutting back. Focusing on the Individual Hear as Steven discusses how much the average male uses pornography and find out about one of the major reasons people seek his help. About Steven Davidson Dr. Steven Davidson is a clinical sexologist in private practice, licensed in Tennessee and Florida. He has a master’s degree in social work and a Ph.D. in clinical sexology. He is certified as a sex therapist by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. He has more than 30 years’ experience helping individuals and couples achieve more fulfilling sexual relationships and embrace their authentic sexual self. Links and How to contact Dr. Steven Davidson More information: http://www.nashvillepsychotherapy.com/ or e-mail at dr.steven.davidson@gmail.com and can be found on Facebook at https://facebook.com/TheSexualIntegrityCoach. For sex education videos Dr. Davidson recommends http://www.sexsmartfilms.com/ or the Sinclair Institute at http://www.bettersex.com/. More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Evolutionary Psychology and Sex In this episode, Rebecca tells us about Evolutionary Psychology, examining our roles and interactions through a biological and historical lens. Listen in as she compares our human proclivities to our great ape relatives. Animal Roles – Not an Excuse Our rules and culture help us to maintain our civility, but males and females still have biological roles. Hear Rebecca talk about the basic ideas of a male’s desire to spread his seed and a female’s inclination to be choosy and selective. Evolution of Lust and Romance While nature and nurture are the major contributing factors to our biology and we share some main characteristics with great apes, there are still major differences between humans and other great apes. Enjoy the show as Rebecca presents a unique series of examples comparing and contrasting sexual differences between great apes and humans. What happened to Estrus? Listen to Rebecca talk about ideas relating to Desmond Morris, famed author of The Naked Ape. Hear some of the modern and historical adaptations that humans have developed as open signs of Estrus are not as readily visible as they are in our great ape relatives. Great Apes and Humans Rebecca presents a viewpoint on Modern Civilization and the inclination towards war and aggressive tendencies. We enjoy some interesting commentary discussing the variations of sexual proclivities in the great ape world and the fascinating habits of one particular species, the Bonobo. How do these perspectives help humans? Tune in to hear Rebecca offer a personal anecdote. We learn the importance of the nose in choosing a mate and how this can help us better understand our similarities to the great apes, and more importantly develop a better understanding between partners. “Understanding our evolutionary past helps us seem, yes, more animalistic, but more human.” Conflict in Power Listen as Rebecca helps to develop further, the understanding of the inequality of power between men and women and the unfortunate consequences. On the Romantic Side What is the importance of a kiss? How does a kiss play a part in romantic behaviors? Join in to hear about the importance of kissing and other romantic behaviors. Is there romance in suicide or jumping out of trees? Find out as Rebecca presents this issue and others within historical and cultural contexts. Listen as Rebecca clarifies the purpose of the texts of the Atharvaveda, the Knowledge Storehouse of Procedures for Everyday Life, and the Kamasutra. We enjoy some lighthearted banter as the discussion continues, comparing these ancient texts with a modern take on kissing tips from Bustle.com. The Importance of Size It’s not what you think, as Rebecca clarifies some of her own perspectives along with research that demonstrates women’s preferences for something bigger, but it’s not about the genitals. Tune in and find out. About Rebecca Coffey Rebecca Coffey is an award-winning science journalist and television documentarian. Over the course of her long career, she has contributed regularly to Scientific American and Discover magazines and to major market newspapers. She is a commentator for Vermont Public Radio and a columnist for PsychologyToday.com. Coffey is also a novelist and a humorist. Links and How to contact Rebecca Coffey Other Books by the Author: Anna Freud’s Story (She Writes Press, 2014). A novel. Nietzsche’s Angel Food Cake: And Other Recipes for the Intellectually Famished (Beck and Branch, 2013). Humor. Unspeakable Truths and Happy Endings: Human Cruelty and the New Trauma Therapy (Sidran Press, 1998). Nonfiction. More information: https://RebeccaCoffey.com and https://ScienceandLust.com. More info on the Better Sex Podcast: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Becoming Cliterate Dr. Laurie shares the reason behind why she wrote her book, Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--And How to Get It. As a professor to over 150 students a year, she shares the influence her undergrad students had on this book. Two factors that ultimately influenced her was the massive orgasm gap in men and women, and the loss of clitoral knowledge. Listen as she tackles the miseducation that society is subjected to and uncovers some shocking orgasm statistics you don’t want to miss. Becoming Cliterate seeks to eradicate the notion that intercourse is the ultimate pleasure for women and the way they should orgasm. Dr. Laurie mentions the book as a combination of cultural analysis and self-help as it brings gender equality into relationships. Reasons for the Pleasure Gap It’s not easy to admit that there is a huge gap between men and women’s take on pleasure. Dr. Laurie explains why penetration does not give the same level of satisfaction for both genders. Join in as she discusses the other possible reasons for this gap, including body image issues, cognitive issues and lack of training in sexual communication. We hear how the lack of clitoral knowledge plays a key role in the pleasure gap and how this stems from pornography and misinformation. Closing the Gap Dr. Laurie believes that there is a need for a sexual revolution in pleasure equality. Tune in to hear where this revolution starts. She emphasizes that just talking can close the gap. Tips for Women Who Have Never Had an Orgasm Dr. Laurie's advice if you are one of these women: Masturbate!! Join in to hear her 4 steps for your first orgasm. Get ready to know your body better after this! She reminds us that it is important to get the same kind of stimulation when with your partner too. While this may take some creativity, it is achievable for everyone. Apart from this, Dr. Laurie educates us in having good communication with our partners. How to use “I” statements in communicating your needs and/or wants, and how you can be at ease when talking to your partner about this. She highlights that this is your equal right to pleasure. Tips for Men and the Biggest Takeaway Clitoral education is not just for women to understand, it’s definitely one of the things men should also learn about. In this episode, Dr. Laurie also shares a variety of ways on how men can open the topic to their partners and help their partners talk about what they want in sex. Remember, sex is intended to be equally pleasurable. Background Laurie Mintz, PH.D. is an award-winning college professor. She currently teaches the Psychology of Human Sexuality to hundreds of students a year at the University of Florida and has had over 20 years of experience working with private clients on sexual issues. Dr. Mintz has received numerous professional awards and is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association. She has published over 50 research studies, writes the Psychology Today blog and has been quoted in many outlets, including Cosmopolitan, Woman’s Day, Prevention, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, CNN.com, Oprah.com and The Huffington Post. She authored the book, Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--And How to Get It, with the goal to close the massive orgasm gap between men and women and debunk the misinformation today’s generation gets from media and pornography. Links and How to contact Dr. Laurie Website: http://www.drlauriemintz.com Get the book here: https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Cliterate-Orgasm-Equality-Matters/dp/0062484389 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drlauriemintz/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/drlauriemintz Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrLaurieMintz/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Welcome to Better Sex. Today we are covering an important and pervasive topic. We're going to talk about female sexual pain, a woman's sexual pain. Way too many people struggle with painful conditions and most of them don't know what to do about it. Some people don't realize that sex should never hurt and other people, even though they realize sex should hurt, just have nowhere to go. The doctors aren't helpful, they're not finding providers that know anything about this, it seems mysterious, there's not any visible obvious problem, and so they're struggling. And they're struggling in their relationship too because it causes a lot of strain. If sex is not enjoyable people often start avoiding it or they're arguing about it or they're confused and hurt, but it just it goes downhill fast. Maegan Megginson joins me today and she really specializes her practice on working with clients with sexual pain. She works with both individuals and couples. She's a marriage and family therapist and a certified sex therapist. What are the types of sexual pain? We go into detail about the two main categories of sexual pain, external and internal. We cover how you can differentiate these kinds of pain, how to talk to your healthcare provider about the pain, and we offer resources for you to learn more about your individual sexual pain experience. There are what are the kinds of issues people face? Sex should never be painful. And many people don't understand this, because they have either experienced pain from the start or they have gone to their healthcare professional who has not provided an accurate diagnosis or effective treatment protocol. Maegan states, "I can't think of one client I've had who has not had at least one shameful experience when seeing a doctor." We give tips and tools for going to your appointments prepared and informed, to help you get the help you need and deserve. What are the conditions that caused the pain? Sexual pain is a symptom of a condition or experience which is completely treatable. And many women can experience healing and progress from Day 1. What are the treatment options and how broad are the effects? We talk about treatment options and how you can find a good, sexual-informed provider to help you if you are experiencing sexual pain. Pain as a "Player" It's important to find someone or a team of supporters because sexual pain can have a dramatic impact on your relationship. The sexual struggles will eventually lead to emotional challenges. Maegan and I both agree the pain can become "a player" in the relationship, an "elephant in the room" which nobody understands. You are not broken It's important for people to understand what's going on and to start to get relief and help immediately. You are not broken or defective and relief is available. Background and Links Maegan Megginson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She is the owner and clinical director of The Center for Couples & Sex Therapy in Portland, Oregon. Maegan specializes in working with women and their partners who are suffering from sexual pain. She understands the complexities of these conditions and is passionate about helping clients heal from the traumatic impact of sexual pain. Website - http://ccstpdx.com/ Facebook - https://facebook.com/Couplesandsextherapy/ The Vulvar Clinic at OHSU - https://ohsu.edu/xd/health/services/women/services/gynecology-and-obstetrics/services/vulvar-health-program/vulvar-services.cfm Resources • https://www.amazon.com/When-Sex-Hurts-Womans-Banishing-ebook/dp/B004JN0FCW • https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform-ebook/dp/B00LD1ORBI/ • https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Focused-Couple-Therapy-Dummies-ebook/dp/B00ET1ULIM/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Correction: I misspoke in my introduction to the episode. Melissa is not yet certified as a sex therapist. I apologize for any confusion. Sexual Fragmentation - what is it and how does it show up in sex therapy? Tune in today to learn about how Melissa defines fragmentation as it applies to sex therapy work, as she talks about the competing needs we all have within us. How do we get fragmented? Melissa answers this question, discussing how our sexual and social development from a young age is impacted by loved ones and society, often creating a wedge between our minds and bodies Fragmentation: positive or negative? Keep listening to hear why fragmentation is not necessarily a negative thing, and why it can, in fact, help us to explore and learn more about ourselves. Melissa delves into the fact that a large part of our psyche is in shadow. As we grow up, we are encouraged to critically think and explore so many different subjects and aspects of life; but generally not encouraged to explore or think critically about sexuality and intimacy. “We don’t know what we don’t know.” How does fragmentation present? Here we learn the key topics that Melissa’s clients often bring up and how people use shame or blame as a defense against things that scare them. Spend some time listening as Melissa talks more about the subject of fear in relation to sexuality. Working to heal fragmentation Hear Melissa explain how she approaches the subject of fragmentation with her clients by using body-centered therapy. She tells us that she uses not only the minds of clients but also focuses heavily on dropping down into the body, to the original place where many fragmentations originally occurred. Past memories and moving forward to healing Melissa answers the question: Do people need to remember the original incidences in order to heal? Join in to find out how she helps people de-identify with their stories and move them past the uncomfortable feelings and emotions they may experience in this journey. Erotic mindfulness The definition of mindfulness is listening to your arousal instead of following it blindly. This is one of the first things that Melissa helps her clients to develop a practice in, to help them get out of their head and focus on the pleasure of the body. Find out how it works when couples experience therapy and practice together. Trauma survivors and fear of getting in touch with the body Melissa outlines the impact that trauma can have on the body, and the gentle process that she uses to help people reconnect with those parts of themselves that may have become numb, so they can begin experiencing pleasure and enjoying sex again. Starting the healing process at home Find out some simple pathways to help you start this reconnection process at home by exploring things that already give you pleasure in ways that may not necessarily be sexual. Here, we learn about the expansiveness of sexuality as a generative force and how sex itself is just one component of sensuality. The final takeaway message Our podcast winds up with Melissa telling us her one most important take-home message to start bringing all those fragmented parts of ourselves together. You don’t want to miss this valuable message. Background Melissa Walker is a Body-Centered Psychotherapist specializing in sex and relationship therapy for both couples and individuals. Director for the Embodied Relationships Counseling Center, she graduated Naropa University in 2009 and combines her training with certification in Somatic Archaeology, Psychodrama, and Authentic Movement, teaching clients how to get in touch with their body and repair some of the fragmentation that occurs during their life experiences. Melissa now teaches Professional Orientation and Ethics at Naropa University. Links and how to contact Melissa Walker For more information on Melissa, including workshops talks, and to sign up for her monthly blog, visit: http://embodiedrelationshipscenter.com/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Amanda’s interest in menstrual health began as early as her childhood. Today she passionately shares her wisdom about how women should have knowledge of how their bodies work and, with this, feel empowered to talk about menstruation and sex without feeling ashamed. Menstrual problems and Sex Join us as we discuss the main issues around periods and sex. Problems such as not feeling sexy when your period is heavy, hormonal imbalances and disorders which can cause excruciating pain. Amanda answers the question of whether you can have sex when you’re on your period with a resounding YES, absolutely you can! Tune in to hear Amanda’s thoughts on why having sex on your period is a great thing, what precautions you can take, and what you can do to make it an enjoyable experience for both parties. She touches on why your period can help orgasms and how orgasms can ease your period. We learn that a key factor in ensuring you and your partner are comfortable with having sex during menstruation. Amanda shares an interesting list of products to use when having sex on your period. If you haven’t heard about menstrual discs, listen in to get an idea of how you can use them too! DIaphragms are mentioned and Amanda gives us her criticism on that. History of myths about menstruation We hear about the history and myths around women and menstruation. Many myths went unchallenged and were usually painted in an unfavorable light, surrounded by mysticism and power. “ Women’s power has always been acknowledged but it’s also been oppressed or feared.” Listen in to find out what mayonnaise and hunting had to do with this taboo topic! How to think about periods Join in to hear Amanda’s approach to your period. She highlights the cultural attitudes we have been taught and encourages us to understand your cycle and its role in our general wellness as our attitudes dictate our experience. She questions where we get our information from and challenges us to look further to gain useful insights into the motivation behind this. Nutrition and how it affects your periods Tune in to hear Amanda’s simple tips to improve your period. She covers simple tricks such as a healthier nutritional intake and using more organic products to better your monthly experience. Amanda shares how NOT eating certain foods can positively affect your body too! Can you get Pregnant on your Period? Amanda tackles this interesting question in detail so we understand the probabilities for our individual cases. Listen in to learn how to determine whether you can indeed fall pregnant during your period. About Amanda Laird Amanda Laird is a Registered Holistic Nutritionist ™ and host of the Heavy Flow Podcast – a weekly podcast dedicated to casual conversations about periods, reproductive health and other taboo health and wellness topics, available on iTunes and at www.amandalaird.ca. She lives in Toronto with her husband and daughter. Amanda specializes in helping women understand their menstrual cycle and how nutrition can contribute towards a more positive monthly experience. A self-confessed menstrual mogul, she draws on her personal experience to teach women how to balance their hormonal health by choosing the right food and lifestyle so periods no longer have to be a curse. How to reach Amanda and related links You can reach Amanda on these links: Website: www.amandalaird.ca Instagram: www.instagram.com/amandalaird Facebook: www.facebook.com/amandalairdrhn Twitter: www.twitter.com/amandalaird Listen to Amanda’s podcast episode “Can you get pregnant on your period” http://amandalaird.ca/can-you-get-pregnant-on-your-period/ Listen to Amanda's podcast episode “What's the best period product to use” http://amandalaird.ca/question-period-what-are-the-best-menstrual-products-to-use/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

What is pelvic floor physical therapy? Dr. Fiacco kicks off by telling us exactly what pelvic floor physical therapy is; explaining about the basic musculature of the pelvic area and what kind of health issues can stem from this region, including some unexpected areas of the body that may present with problems that actually arise from the pelvis. Training and certification Going on to talk about what training and certification are required to practice in this field, Dr. Fiacco outlines her educational history, and just what it means to become a specialist in pelvic floor physical therapy. Pelvic floor physical therapy and sex therapy Keep listening to hear about the importance of combining pelvic floor physical therapy with sexual education and communication, and why Dr. Fiacco believes that sex therapy is a crucial component of any pelvic physical therapy treatment plan. Who needs pelvic floor physical therapy? This is essential listening for men and women alike. Dr. Fiacco talks at great length about who can benefit from this therapy and the most common problems that can be remedied with it, explaining that both men and women from all walks of life can typically benefit from an assessment. We hear that many people learn to tolerate discomfort or come to believe it’s normal, when in fact there are ways that these niggling health problems can be fixed. Discover what some of the common symptoms are that you should not dismiss with regards to the pelvic area. Vaginismus is one of the most common problems Tune in to hear about vaginismus and related problems. What are the symptoms? How can it be treated? Dr. Fiacco explains that you should not put up with something that affects your quality of life and that there are ways to address it. What to expect during pelvic floor physical therapy Not sure exactly what to expect during your pelvic floor physical therapy assessment and treatment? Take some time to listen to Dr. Fiacco walk you through the process; from each step of the assessment and physical examination to pelvic exercises, breath work and more. Dilator therapy Dr. Fiacco outlines the process of dilator therapy, talking us through her personalized treatment style, and detailing exactly what it’s for and how it works, as she demystifies this often-misconstrued method of therapy. She also talks about the essential emotional component that should be present in any therapy sessions involving dilators and shares her fascinating knowledge about how the body registers and processes pain signals. Finding a pelvic floor physical therapist Wrapping up this informative podcast, Dr. Fiacco tells the listeners exactly how to go about finding a qualified pelvic floor physical therapist; offering tips to seek one out in your area. About Serena Fiacco A licensed physical therapist and board-certified sexuality specialist, Dr. Fiacco holds Doctorate degrees in both physical therapy and human sexuality. Specializing in treating the pelvic floor and sexual health conditions, her integrated healing model involves a wide array of techniques; including massage, joint work, exercise, movement education, sexual health education, talk therapy and breath, movement, and meditation style treatments. Dr. Fiacco also educates the community and university groups about sexual health. Links and how to contact Dr. Serena Fiacco www.pelvichealthclinic.com https://www.apta.org https://hermanwallace.com Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex in the elder years In today's episode, we look at sex and sexuality in the elderly. It is a common misconception that people are no longer sexually active as they grow older and Dr. Flores will be sharing her thoughts on this with us so enjoy the insights! Is sex (and sexuality) common in the elderly? Dr. Flores shares her findings that elderly people are still sexually active after 75. She reveals her statistics about masturbation even as they experience lifestyle changes. Tune in to hear about what men and women experience sexually as their bodies and needs change. She shares ways to work with changing sexual needs as people get older. With the flood of sexual stereotypes being sown in society, Dr. Flores points out the unrealistic expectations this creates for both young and old alike and highlights the reality that the elderly still have a sexual appetite and need despite what is commonly believed. Join in to hear what some of Dr. Flores’s findings are with sexually transmitted diseases and their frequency among the elderly, this may surprise you! Privacy challenges for older people in nursing homes The question of privacy in nursing homes is brought up. Dr. Flores tackles this candidly with a few interesting examples of why this is a problem. In her examples, dementia and Alzheimers come up and a few key issues are raised. She believes that individual homes are slowly moving in the direction of revisiting policies so that the elderly can someday freely engage in consensual sex but it is not being addressed on a national level. The fine line between protection and freedom for the elderly is brought up within this discussion so you can examine the challenges brought up with and without privacy. Some advice from Dr. Flores is to find out what nursing facilities policies are around sexuality to ensure that you choose the right one for your loved one. About Dr. Flores Renee Flores, M.D., is a board-certified physician in the field of geriatrics and internal medicine with 10 years of clinical experience. She provides comprehensive care for primarily older adults, as well as internal medicine patients. Recognizing that sexual health and emotional health are a salient part of comprehensive health care, she has expanded her role as an educator and sexuality and intimacy counselor. She works in collaboration with patients to address sexual desire, pain, performance, intimacy and relationship challenges. Dr. Flores’ work includes clinical interaction, individual and couples counseling, as well as education. She is actively involved in teaching medical students, residents, physicians, and people in the community. She is devoted to life-long learning and has an endless passion to continue education and training in the field of sexual health medicine. How to reach Dr. Flores Visit her at her Sexual Health clinic in Texas or Houston and https://www.utphysicians.com/provider/renee-j-flores/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass