Better Sex

My guest is Mark Schoen. He is a prolific sex-education filmmaker--he has made over 50 of them!--and still very productive and skilled at his important work in the industry. As his focus attests, educating the general public about sexual topics is always necessary. We can never have enough sexual education throughout the world, so what Mark does is extremely important for making the world a better, more fulfilling, and more demystified place when we talk about sexuality and the whole spectrum of the subject. And although he originally thought he was going to be a hockey player, luckily for the world he realized his full potential in the sexual education sphere. He is the founder and organizer of SexSmartFilms and has been making sexual health films since 1974. In addition to the numerous awards he has won for his work, he is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator and an award-winning author. And this is just the tip of the iceberg! For an enlightening talk on his fascinating life, you would be hard pressed to find a better exemplar of how sexual education should be done. Great stuff! How Mark got his Start as a Sexual Educator As Mark states, his first encounter with the discipline was as a health educator. Soon it became required for him to teach a group of 12 and13-year-olds the nature of sexually transmitted diseases. But to his chagrin, the curriculum was presenting sexuality through the lens of disease instead of a more positive light. Alarmed by this frame of reference for the subject, Mark decided to appeal for a full class on sexuality that would frame sexuality in a much more positive light. In addition, the class would also be a thorough analysis of the subject and not a quick gloss over the mandatory details. Mark says much more on the topic near the beginning of the interview. Bellybuttons Are Navels As Mark’s career started taking off, in the pre-internet 70’s mind you, he started getting much more involved in the sexual health realm. Eventually, he wrote a very important children's book called Bellybuttons Are Navels, which explored the anatomical differences between a boy and a girl. A pretty radical concept considering that sexual education when Mark had just gotten started was basically anatomy 101 and didn’t explore the nuances and complexity of sexual development, function, and the psychological aspects of sex. Regardless, Bellybuttons Are Navels was published in 1990 and became the first children’s book to use the word clitoris. For more on this part of Mark’s career listen along to the episode! His Recent Films As Mark recounts, he was blown away by the reception and praise for his 2012 film Trans. And during the talk, he shares a completely heartwarming story of a parent of a transgender child and just how much the film changed her perspective on transsexuality. Mark also shares a scary statistic on the suicide rate of the transgender population, so films like Trans serve an extremely important function that can bridge the gap on loneliness in the community and increase understanding for the ready assimilation and integration of the trans-community. With more work like Mark’s, there will be less transgender people on the fringe, and more in the center. Really impactful stuff here! The Challenges of Films Becoming Outdated SexSmartFilms, Mark’s website, and enterprise is a repository of sexual education films and resources that are online and can be accessed like the Netflix of sexual health. But the problem with making movies in-house and really just filmmaking, in general, is that hairstyles go out of style, clothes go out of trend, and of course, even the camera quality and look of the entire film can quickly look obsolete. This becomes distracting for some people and can even detract from the overall trust that one places in the information presented. Who's to say that the information isn’t as outdated as the clothing styles, in other words? Mark talks about this aspect of the industry and promises that the information is still sound and correct, even if some of the hairstyles are egregious. Listen along for more! Cultural Changes are Relative to Technological Change Jumping to today, technology has made sexuality so much more pervasive in society. In short, it’s everywhere! And as Mark states, relevant films and resources can be brought up at the touch of a button. This is a completely different reality than the barren wasteland of accessible resources that teenagers and adults had during the 1970s when Mark started his work as an educator. In other words, now that young people are getting a steady dose of pornography and sexuality from sources that are detached from sexual education, and instead more so sexual entertainment, there is a different educational dynamic at play. Education, Research, and Therapy Mark states that his SexSmartFilm site is divided into these three categories for type of film and their overall purpose. There are films for children, teens, and adults. Really, it’s a great database for a wide range of sexuality topics and purposes that you can access for a subscription price. Consider doing it! Mark gives a detailed breakdown of everything you can find with the subscription. From historical sources to more present presentations of sexuality, and what Mark is currently working on, check out what Mark has to say! Key Links for Mark Schoen The SexSmartFilm website: https://sexsmartfilms.com/home/ To contact Mark: https://sexsmartfilms.com/contact/#contactDirect More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Stan Tatkin is the founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®(PACT). He has worked with couples for more than fifteen years in his clinical practice. He teaches, he counsels, he writes, he does it all! Stan has authored a few very important books throughout his career, some of them including: Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Wired for Dating, and his latest and the driving point behind this interview, We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love. All in all, I am delighted to have Stan on the show. You are really going to get a lot out of this talk! The Difficulties of Cultivating a Cooperative and Collaborative Relationship Stan lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples. He says both participants in the relationship share power and mutually govern over each other to balance out the dynamic. Because we are perfectly imperfect as human beings, the dynamic is often skewed to one side. Collaboration is hard and positivity is just as difficult to maintain. To you who listen along, Stan will also take you down a fascinating neurological path when he explains our survival mechanisms and how the brain takes shortcuts. These facets of our development make it very hard to maintain secure relationships. Our states of mind, the many different perceptions we experience--of which Stan likens to a funhouse mirror--and our imperfect memories, are of many hurdles to overcome. For much more on this uphill climb, tune in. Threats and Shared Governance Stan reminds us that the small ‘threats’, the eyerolls, the tone laced with animosity, the cold shoulder, passive aggression, all of it, can compound and show up in a very real biological sense. After time, you will view your spouse as a predator. Not in any malicious sense, but because of self-protective tendencies we have learned over our development, our perceptions can certainly be skewed unknowingly. Our capacity or tendency to be threatened in ingrained within us naturally. It can also be a result of upbringing as well. Some of it is triggered merely by standing eye-to-eye with one another; In addition, the principle of ‘shared governance’ can cause threats. Stan describes shared governance as shared principles that both parties believe in that will protect one from each other. He also tells us that this is how society works: we share a similar mythology, an analogous narrative is followed that reflects shared sentiments of governance. Really check out this episode to hear Stan explain it in much more detail. Putting the Relationship First? Stan stands by this practice. He says a lot of breakdown in relationships hinges on differences in focus. If both of you agree to put the kids first over the relationship, Stan believes everyone suffers. He doesn’t condone neglecting the child, but just like well-worn maxim of taking care of yourself before others, so too everyone benefits if there's a strong foundation to work with. The Couple Bubble This interesting concept is described as two people protecting their relationship ‘ecosystem’. This system is built on accountability, that is, the push-and-pull of a symbiotic partnership where one action affects the other tangibly. Stan tells you to think of it this way: the couple bubble can either guarantee mutually assured destruction or mutually assured survival! Keeping the bubble in focus is extremely important. Much more is said. Do yourself a favor and listen along! What About Mutually Exclusive Needs? During the episode, the very crucial question of differing needs arise. What if there are instances, major or minor, where accommodating each other is very difficult. A job interview that necessitates a move, or simply a softball game that cuts into bowling night. Whatever the event, Stan stresses the need for win-win situations to be created. This compromise works well to keep couples engaged and actively working for each other. When asked if anyone can learn these skills of creating win-wins and of being attuned to the needs of the delicate relationship ecosystem, Stan says it’s not a matter of capacity but of will. If you are chained to someone, you will work together to move successfully. If you are stranded on an island, you will work with your partner to survive. If you are locked in a room with the only stipulation being that you need to come to an agreement, you will think of something. It is will and not capacity. Stan’s Take on Sex To keep this brief, being transparent, communicating, cutting back on self-serving sexual practices, understanding the reasons for performance anxiety, and quickly addressing disagreements before your negative biases compound the problem are all aspects that are discussed in this episode. Check it out! We Versus Me Stan closes out the episode by accentuating the importance of focusing on ‘we-ism’ over ‘me-ism’. If you can be mindful of instances in your life where self-serving behavior is harming the overall ‘we’ dynamic of the relationship, then shifting your priorities is essential. For much more on these powerful concepts, tune into this episode. Very impressive stuff. Key Links for Stan Tatkin For Training and Therapy: The PACT Institute - https://thepactinstitute.com/ Stan’s Personal Website: https://stantatkin.com/ Affiliate links for Stan’s books (meaning I earn a small commission on your purchase): We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love: https://amzn.to/2EcDOhN Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship https://amzn.to/2QL669Z Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate: https://amzn.to/2EdHsbu Relationship Rx: https://amzn.to/2SGQH83 Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships: https://amzn.to/2Epptj8 More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

My guest Amanda Testa is an expert in sex and love. She is the founder of Find Your Feminine Fire, which is a program that combines concepts from neuroscience and tantra. Utilizing her coaching experience and knowledge in the field, she aims to empower women to be more confident and sexually expressive. As Amanda states during the episode, before she was a Sex, Love, and Embodiment coach, she worked in corporate sales. But after her daughter was born, Amanda decided it was best to stay home and take care of her. Despite the neverending busyness of motherhood, Amanda was given more time to pursue her passions in health and wellness. Eventually, she became a personal trainer and spearheaded Stroller Strides classes to help new mothers stay active and confident in their skin. This was the crucial beginning that would soon unlock the potential she saw in herself, and which she knew other women deserved to unlock as well. This whole process is beautifully outlined in this episode, and it is absolutely worth your time and attention. Sexuality As a Magical Key to Unlock Yourself After having been a mother eighteen months or so, Amanda started to resent herself and her own sexuality. A common occurrence for mother’s, she was depressed, and was struggling with low self-esteem and that vicious cycle of negative perception. It was through sexuality that she found the empowering answers she was looking for: the magical key which unlocked that celebratory fire of femininity within her. Listen to hear her describe it in her own words! Defining Feminine Fire Amanda calls it a vibrancy, a radiance, energy that all women are born with. Sadly though, modern life always finds a way to distract women from tapping into that wellspring of femininity. Women are stifled, so busy with their everyday business, professional life, and intellectual growth, that for the most part, the fire is not stoked; it barely flickers. But Amanda wants to stress that this fire is not restricted to certain genders. This energy is within all human beings, but because she works mainly with women, her focus is largely on the feminine side of the fire. Interestingly though, Amanda discusses the sentiment of the Yin and Yang, and compares that to the feminine fire, stating that just like males have a percentage of the female Yang, so too do they have the feminine aspects of the “fire” within themselves. Much more is said about this during the episode. Really fascinating stuff! You won’t want to miss it. Signs of Energy Imbalance || How to Fix Them Being burned out, overwhelmed, rage, aggression, not talking to your spouse, or a mixture of emotions that tend to dominate the disposition on a consistent basis are all signs that your fire is out of whack. There are ways to fix this imbalance though, as Amanda lays out in the episode. Reconnecting to your desires is one of the biggest steps towards rekindling your fire. Amanda suggests just sitting down and writing your desires out. It does not matter if your only desire in the entire world is to have a cup of coffee, as long as you are writing it down and conditioning your mind to start reconnecting with your desires, that is all that matters. She suggests that you force yourself to spend 10 minutes with this exercise on a consistent basis. You will be surprised at how tangibly your desires are fleshed out before you. Another step is to reconnect with your senses again. Amanda suggests being mindful and purposefully spending the time to pay attention and to be present. By engaging the senses, you can deepen the connection between you and your fire. She says to try it for yourself: the next time you are eating, pay attention to the taste, the sensations, and derive as much enjoyment as possible from the act. This can, of course, be applied to the bedroom as well. She goes into more detail in the episode. It is really great stuff that you won’t want to miss! Fear Can Sit in the Backseat, But it Can't Drive the Car Amanda very importantly highlights the importance of acknowledging fears. It is so crucial to analyze a fear, let it have its say, but to not let it drive the car, so to speak. Being mindful of fear, just like reconnecting with senses through mindfulness, is a very powerful exercise. If we stifle fears, they drive our actions unconsciously. We want to be aware of them, but not let them win out. Giving Yourself Permission to Feel This is the fifth and final step in Amanda’s process for finding your inner fire. Through it, Amanda wants to reinforce the concept that no feeling is off limits. Be open to any feeling, any reaction, any thought. You can’t connect with your inner energy if you don’t allow yourself to feel the whole spectrum of sensations and emotions that arise. She reminds us that our culture often only tells us that we are able to feel good emotions. And that is a terribly lopsided approach to experience life and develop as a person. We need both the good and the bad, so don’t be afraid to feel them. Most Important Takeaway of the Episode Amanda reassures listeners that it is no wonder we struggle with unlocking our inner fire; we have never been taught. So that fact relieves a lot of our burden. We shouldn’t feel guilty or behind in development. The good news is that these skills are learnable skills, and with enough practice are extremely doable. You just need to start small and transform your life from the inside out. As always, there is much more said during the episode, especially about how these concepts relate to sexuality on a deeper level. Please check it out to absorb all of Amanda’s message. Key Links for Amanda Testa Website: https://www.amandatesta.com/ Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/find-your-feminine-fire/id1358454112?mt=2 More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Today, Lisa Diamond tells us about her past and present research on sexual fluidity. Lisa M. Diamond is Professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah. Her research focuses on the development and dynamic expression of sexual identity and orientation over the life course, the influences of early life experiences on psychosocial and psychosexual development, and the biological mechanisms through which intimate relationships shape mental and physical health. Where it all began When Lisa Diamond first started graduate school, she was interested in studying lesbian and gay youth - a new field in the early 90s. Early on in her readings, she found a paucity of studies focused on young women. As a feminist and a new researcher trying to find a unique way to enter the field, Lisa posed the following questions: ‘where are the women and what are their experiences? Why have they been underrepresented?’ Sexual orientation: not so categorical after all Lisa describes her first study, an interview project, where she recruited young women that were non-heterosexual (in some way) to answer her questions. She continues to reveal how their patterns of attractions and behavior led her to conclude that sexual orientation is not as categorical as previously thought and that, although her study focused on the experiences of women, this is not a female phenomenon but rather “a human thing”. She is still following the women from this study (which began in 1995) and listeners can hear more about stories she has collected over the years that have surprised her. What is fluidity? According to Lisa, fluidity is “a capacity to respond erotically to a broader range of stimuli and people than are necessarily a part of your sexual orientation.” The distinction between sexual orientation and fluidity is still being figured out, but Lisa notes an important distinction is the difference in patterns between bisexual women and fluid lesbians or fluid heterosexuals. That is, bisexual women have a more consistent behavioral pattern whereas fluid individuals are much more sporadic in their attractions which are context dependent. Tune in to catch the entire discussion about fluidity and some interesting examples from her research. Why do we feel the need to categorize everyone? The conversation shifts slightly to talking about the human need to categorize and give everyone an (sexual) identity rather than being fluid. Lisa explains that the reason we stereotype or categorize in general is because our brain simply cannot process all of the information coming in from our surroundings. We need to categorize, and as long as we realize that our stereotypes are human creations and not natural types, it’s okay. Fluidity may be a generational thing Lisa returns to her 1995 (ongoing) study to explain that in the 80s and 90s it was important to find a community and to be able to connect with folks who had a shared experience. Identity labels were a way to do that and were necessary in a way that youth today do not experience. Lisa believes the younger generation of queer folk is more comfortable not having a label and thus not identifying as anything. What are the takeaways? To conclude, Lisa beautifully articulates several points. First, she contends that while there is a lot of talk about the stigma that (queer) people face, much of the stigmatizing and is done by ourselves: we project our own abnormal-ness onto ourselves. Furthermore, sexual fluidity teaches us about the incredible diversity of the human condition. Given that the hallmark of humans as a species is the ability to adapt, it should come as no surprise that humans are also flexible when it comes to sexuality, spirituality, gender, etc. Final words Lisa leaves us with the following statement: “If we can adopt an approach of being more forgiving of ourselves and one another when we don’t fit what we think is expected, it would make a lot of people a lot happier.” Affiliate link to her book: Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire: https://amzn.to/2Pm3WK5 More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

My guest Daniela Wittmann is an expert on prostate health and urology. In fact, she is a very prominent member of the Prostate Cancer Survivorship Program; in addition, she is an associate professor of Urology and Social Work in the University of Michigan Health System. In this interview, she informs listeners on prostate health and penile rehabilitation--particularly after surgery, radiation, or hormone treatment for males who have had prostate cancer. It is a very informative and important talk, and even if you aren’t currently going through the complications of prostate cancer, getting a jumpstart on learning about the subject is very important. Screening for Prostate Cancer As Daniela states, prostate cancer is asymptomatic, which means that symptoms don’t show up until well after it has already metastasized or shown up in the prostate. It is screened, if there are abnormalities caught in the screen then a biopsy is usually done and then a number of treatment options are available as a next step. Daniela goes into more detail during the episode. Treatment Options That Affect Sexual Functioning If non-aggressive and very localized, men can always go under ‘active surveillance.’ At this point, physicians simply monitor and watch to see if the cancer gets more aggressive. This treatment method has no sexual side effects. Another treatment is when the cancer is localized, so treatment typically centers around radiation or surgery. Side effects do occur with this type of treatment. For most men, after they do the surgery, they will experience erectile dysfunction because the nerves responsible for making the penis erect are damaged during surgery. In addition, urinary incontinence can occur as well. For more information on treatment options, as well as the side effects of radiation, Daniella provides a succinct breakdown of the treatment options. Men Resisting or Putting Off Treatment? Because there are considerable side effects like loss of libido, lower testosterone, and impaired erectile function, to name a few, some men choose to resist treatment. Daniela states that there are a number of studies which show that men choose not to get treatment because of how daunting the choice can be. Of course, one would want to treat cancer, but to lose sexual function is not attractive to anyone. Some men choose to only monitor their cancer and wait until it gets much worse. Things to Be Aware Of Among many other facets, Daniela stresses the importance of communicating concerns about loss of sexual function to your physician. But as she says, when it comes to cancer, many physicians downplay the importance of communicating sexual side effects because cancer is the far more serious factor at play. As a result, Daniela says that many men are often surprised by the side effects after treatment. Communication is key between patient and physician. Also requesting to the surgeon that as many nerves be spared as possible during surgery, is a very important thing to consider. What Does Penile Rehabilitation Look Like? Penile rehabilitation in this context means to protect the penile tissue from atrophying. Daniela highlights a number of strategies that are used to accomplish this: low doses of Viagra or Cialis to breathe oxygen and blood into the penis; another is penile injections which do the same thing, and stimulation of the nerves in the penis to maintain penile tissue. For erections, a vacuum pump can be used to maintain a hard erection as well. And all of this is used to maintain the ability for sexual function once the penis has been rehabilitated enough. For much more, tune in. Recommended Time Rehabilitating and The Frequency Although Daniela says that there is no conclusive time period that one should most effectively rehabilitate, the minimum amount of time should be about three-six months or so. “And the frequency,” you might ask? Although there isn’t an exact, prescribed standard that physicians recommend, for Daniela, she states that 3x a week is what she asks of her patients. As well as have orgasms through masturbation or with the help of a partner 3-4 times a week. She goes into more detail during the interview. Advice for Couples Daniela preaches the importance of patience. For those who are still wanting to be sexually active in their relationships, the erections take time to come back. Patience is key. She encourages understanding between couples and support with orgasms and erections. Don’t over-focus on penetration; look to oral sex and other methods as well. It is a challenge but being flexible and shifting sexual priority is very important. Final Thoughts Daniela stresses the importance of communicating with one another during the sexual difficulties that often occur after surgery. Because it can be easy to not talk about it while things are healthy and working smoothly, learning how to communicate is one of the most important facets of the whole process. And for her final closing thought, really listen in and take in all that she has to say on this very important topic. Check the links below to learn more about Daniela. Key Links for Daniela Wittmann Daniela's Bio and University of Michigan Information: https://medicine.umich.edu/dept/urology/daniela-wittmann-phd-lmsw Prostate Survivorship Program: https://www.rogelcancercenter.org/prostate-cancer/survivorship More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

The Motivation for Come As You Are My guest today is Emily Nagoski, the acclaimed author of the best selling book, Come as You Are. As Emily relates, the motivation to write her best-selling book has a very prominent beginning. It was the first day of the semester and Emily was beginning her usual Anatomy class. A student raised her hand and asked if Emily would walk the students through the evolutionary origin of the hymen. Never having contemplated the question, she knew the semester was going to be a challenging but rewarding one. And during the final exam, when asking a question worth 2 points, she asked students to state one thing they had learned. The answer was far from what she expected. She found herself grading the final exams with tears in her eyes. Listen in to learn what most of her students’ answers centered on. We All Have the Same Parts Consider the scrotum. Yes, never before has someone provided an opening sentence like that, but stop for a moment and consider it. The central tenet to Come as You Are is that we all have the same parts, they are just organized differently. If you look at the center of the scrotum, there is a demarcating line that runs down the center; during gestation, all it took was a simple hormone and genetic difference that prevented the scrotum from becoming a labia. They are both stretchy and anatomical similar, but they become formed differently during birth. Through this type of thinking, Emily crafted the book to alleviate the stresses and insecurities of sex. With stress-free sex, with more comfort inside one’s skin and the anatomy that we have developed, we can become comfortable in the fact that we are completely normal. For more on this, listen along. Variance Should Be Celebrated Getting to know your own sexual parts, as well as your partner’s. There is no one-size-fits-all type of sexual practice. Some women, a minority actually, can experience orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone; the majority cannot. And all because of slight anatomical differences that can’t be controlled. So, the number one message communicated is to celebrate the inevitable variance between everyone! SES & SIS This is another extremely interesting section of the interview: Emily talks about the internal sexual excitation system and the sexual inhibition system in our brain that is constantly working behind the scenes. These two work in tandem to balance out sexual excitation with an inhibiting effect that prevents us from being sexually excited all of the time. For more on this dual-control process and how understanding it can help trauma victims, listen along. I am not doing it justice here! The Ramifications of Stress on Sexual Health Stress can make one’s body shut down completely when it comes to healthy sexual functioning. As the brain is highly reactive and conditioned through many facets of existence, a stressful situation can kickstart the sexual inhibition system (SIS) which will more often than not win out over any excitation. But again, variance shows up in this respect as well. Everyone is wired differently. Some people have an increased sex drive once stressed, and others don’t. It’s all a matter of preconditioning. But what do couples do when they are mismatched on this regard. Emily tackles the question with gusto. Tune in to learn more. Scheduled Sex Just because you schedule sex with a partner, doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen. But it is a very good idea if you don’t have a lot of sexual desire or have a partner who doesn’t, to schedule the opportunity for sex. Don’t have an expectation that it’s going to happen, just create the opportunity. Sometimes once in an environment that is conducive for sexual excitation, there can be adequate responsive desire. A no-stress desire! Emily discusses this further in the episode. Tips for Re-tuning One’s Sexual Response For the most part, all it takes is a simple change to retune your sexual response to become less stressful. A compromise, a locked door, a new bed that doesn’t squeak, sometimes all it takes is to change your environment to take as many worries off of your mind as possible. These are just simple fixes though. Sometimes sex can be very stressful, especially for trauma victims or those who have suffered from sexual shaming; but Emily has some information on that that she shares during the episode. Tips for Overcoming Harsh Self-Criticism Emily has three tips for the subject of overcoming body shame and insecurity. Two of them are tuned into your body’s needs and undress in front of a mirror and point something out about your body that you like. Do this every day and eventually, you will get more comfortable with what you have. Instead of hiding it, celebrate it. Again, celebrate the diversity of everybody out there. For the other tip and much more information, tune in. Concluding Thoughts For a teaser of her new book Burnout, some fascinating neuroscientific information on context and sexual excitation, as well as another project she is working on, tune into the final minutes of the show. And follow her through her various social media channels, so you can be updated whenever her new book hits the stores. Background Emily has been a sex educator since 1995, where she put her education to good use (psychology, cognitive science, and philosophy). Quickly, she realized that sex education, woman’s well-being, and violence prevention was far more fulfilling work for her personally. So, she made the switch from more neuro-centric work to that of the sex-education realm. And that switch has made all of the difference for the countless people who have benefited from Emily’s work in the field. She has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with an emphasis in human sexuality, and the list of her qualifications could go on. And within just seconds of this interview, you will immediately understand just how smart and articulate Emily is. Listen in. Links For Emily Nagoski and Other References: Come As You Are - https://amzn.to/2C2o4gh Website – http://www.emilynagoski.com/ Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/enagoski/ Twitter – https://twitter.com/emilynagoski Jes Baker / Militant Baker Website – http://www.themilitantbaker.com More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

How Dr. Beverly Whipple Started Studying Sex Dr. Whipple got her start while she was teaching nursing students. A sexual topic was broached that she didn’t have concrete answers for, and so she gave the inquisitive student a rain check. She then realized sex classes needed to be taught and that she wanted to be the one to do it. After being forbidden to teach the apparently taboo discipline, she took her services to institutions which allowed it. And that’s how she got her start. From there she went into particular research projects and she has been going strong for 40+ years. For more, from the charming woman herself, listen in. From Kegels to Female Ejaculation After Whipple had been researching for a short period, she came into contact with a body of research that had to do with a scientific analysis of female ejaculation. This analysis had grown from the collective efforts of several scientists. Eventually, it was discovered that varying degrees of muscle strength of the pelvic floor eventually led to differing abilities in producing ejaculate. This, in turn, led to a much more thorough understanding of the physiological instances of the female anatomy. And of course, the amount of research would only snowball from there. The Validation of Different Types of Orgasms Contrary to popular belief, women all have unique sexual experiences. You may have known this already, but a lot of people have skewed perceptions on the type, frequency, and stimulation required to experience an orgasm. Every woman is unique. And as Dr. Whipple began studying varying orgasms in a wide array of women, she looked not to categorize but to instead validate the different orgasms that were experienced by these women. Again, she stresses during the interview that it wasn’t about saying that X + Y = a clitoral orgasm or to put complete quantitative certainty on various types of orgasms. She documented them, but her overall goal was to promote and validate each unique women and their experiences. For more details on the studies and the metrics she used to validate the orgasms, check the interview out! Hot and Spicy Food Will Make Childbirth More Painful? This interview went to a lot of different places, all of them interesting! And yes, Whipple states that it appears capsaicin blocks the analgesic response the female body undergoes during childbirth. For more interesting tidbits, such as Aristotle’s take on female ejaculation, and information about the man that the G Spot was named after, tune in! Anatomy of the G Spot The ‘G Spot” sort of evolved into an erroneous catch-all term for every woman. As if sexual satisfaction derives from solely finding that magical spot. 30 degrees to the left, 44 degrees to the right, and you have arrived at your destination. But in reality, the “G Spot” is made up of many organs and sensitive tissues, as Whipple states. And besides, not every woman is going to have a similar G Spot in feeling and sensitivity. So, the G Spot has largely become an abstraction for a much more complex and varied anatomical facet in women. The Most Important Take-Home Messages To end the fascinating interview, Beverly wants to communicate to listeners the most important facts she has learned through her years in the field. Some of these are: Each woman is unique in sexual experience. The importance of emphasizing the process of experiencing an orgasm and not the end goal i.e. don’t be goal-driven in your sex life. And many, many more. Definitely give this one a listen! About Beverly Whipple A pioneer in her field, Beverly Whipple is as prolific as she is influential. She has co-authored seven books, one of them being, The G Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality, which is her most well-known book. And in fact, she played a large role in coining the term ‘G spot’ (short for Gräfenberg spot). Also, due to her impressive work ethic, Dr. Whipple has appeared on hundreds of radio interviews, has been a speaker at hundreds of events, and has published over a hundred articles and writings throughout her career. And even though she is now retired, she is as busy as ever; she still continues to pave the way for women and their right for sexual expression and pleasure. In addition, she writes about women’s health and physiological matters and has been doing so for the last 40+ years. Beverly also has a number of awards under her belt, including the Distinguished Scientific Achievement Award, the Public Service Award and the Kinsey Award from the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). The list could go on. Her academic qualifications are equally impressive: She has a Ph.D. in Psychobiology, and two Masters: one in Counseling and the other in Nursing, All of this is just scratching the surface on our guest. Take note of what she has to say, you won’t regret it! Key Links for Dr. Beverly Whipple: Links for books: The G Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality Safe Encounters: How Women can say Yes to Pleasure and No to Unsafe Sex The Science of Orgasm (2006) External Resources Referenced During Show: Goal-Oriented Vs Pleasure-Oriented Sex - https://bettersexpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/circle-stair-graphic.pdf Touch and Pleasure Matrix - https://bettersexpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/touch-graphic.pdf ----- More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

The True Meaning of ‘Cliteracy’ Starting with a discussion of his book, She Comes First, Ian Kerner’s coined word ‘cliteracy’ is given more thought and emphasis. Overall, the term encapsulates the aim of his bestselling book. He relays to listeners his previously one-sided mentalities towards sex, his struggles, and his overall motivations for becoming "cliterate" (clitoral literacy). By moving past an intercourse-dominated understanding of what sex had been, and shifting towards an outercourse understanding of what sex could be, his life changed for the better. For more on the backstory and motivations for She Comes First, and his whole shift in perspective, check the episode out. Less Performance Anxiety With Cunnilingus? Yes and no, Ian Kerner states. Certainly, if one shifts towards more foreplay, closeness, and outercourse over sticking to a strictly penetrative practice, the slow-burning build-up can be a much more relaxed experience for all who are involved. And according to Kerner, it is much rarer for a man to be anxious about performing oral sex on a partner over traditional vaginal intercourse (where maintaining an erection or premature ejaculation can often crop up). Instead, females are usually much more anxious to receive cunnilingus because of issues of genital self-esteem and other factors. For more on this, Ian Kerner really brings up some cogent points on the subject. Genital Self-Esteem This concept is a very important one to consider when the topic at hand is cliteracy. Especially for someone who has harsh, unrealistic, or unhealthy self-perceptions about the appearance or size of their genitals, and so on. And the number one way to remedy an anxious partner is to express how much you enjoy giving them pleasure--expressing one’s during the performative aspect of cunnilingus is key. This reinforces a system of positive feedback which in turn makes the act more enjoyable for all involved. Sex in Multiple Acts Ian likes to remind his clients that sex shouldn’t be done on just a penetrative basis. He likens those kinds of sexual practices as a play with only one act. So, instead of going straight for the climax without actually having built up properly for it, he encourages starting slow. Only when you introduce important elements can you move onto the next act. If you want really good, healthy sex, one should logically start with the first act: this could consist of seduction or playful touching. Act 2 is genital stimulation. And act 3 can logically progress from there with more foreplay. Or maybe an intermission between acts 3 and 4, and then the play resumes. Also, who says an orgasm has to be the end result? Some of the most satisfying sexual experiences (plays) don’t always end with a climax. For much more, check it out! Changes to She Comes First? Because Ian wrote She Comes First over a decade ago, some of focuses and implementations are perhaps a little lopsided for his taste now. Technique gets the majority of page space throughout the book, and he ponders aloud if perhaps he should have focused more on the communication aspects of sex over achieving a ‘flow’ state during the act itself. Both are important of course! But overall, Ian is proud of the book, as he should be. And for those who haven’t picked up a copy, you really should. You should also really check the episode out! Background Ian Kerner is the bestselling author of, She Comes First, and its companion piece, Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man. In addition to garnering acclaim with the aforementioned books, he has successfully launched and maintained a career as a licensed psychotherapist, a sexuality counselor with a focus in sex therapy and couples therapy; he is also considered a prominent authority on sexuality throughout the industry. Just a few of the notable programs and organizations that he is a part of include the following: He is a Clinical Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT); Also, Ian is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists and currently sits on AASECT's Board of Directors. And for a more in-depth list of his affiliations and efforts, visit his website here: https://www.iankerner.com/ In addition, Ian is also a very accomplished public speaker and lecturer and has spoken at dozens of events on topics ranging from psychotherapy to sex tips and beyond. He has been a guest on the Dr. Oz Show, he writes for CNN Health, and is a frequent speaker at many academic institutions and symposiums. All in all, Ian is one of the most successful writers on sexuality of all time, and we have been extremely fortunate to have him on the show! Website: https://www.iankerner.com/ ----- More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Overcoming Sexual Shame In her work, Sellers places considerable emphasis on reversing sexual shame in her clients’ and readers’ minds. Growing up in a sexually-open environment, with parents who were very transparent about sexual function, health, and education, Tina learned the importance of communication over the suppression of sexual fact. And by extension, she is a vocal opponent of abstinence-only techniques which are ineffective and detrimental to the overall sexual wellbeing of all who are involved. Tina also likes to probe the depths of religious history to offer broader perspectives on how sexuality and religion can function symbiotically instead of antagonistically. Without further ado, much more is expounded upon within the episode. It is an absolutely phenomenal experience, navigated by an equally phenomenal guest. Enjoy! Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: A Sexual Autobiography? Not exactly. Tina had an upbringing that runs counter to a typical conservative church experience. She grew up in a Swedish immigrant family where everyone was body and sex positive. In addition, sexuality was taught in a transparent manner. This meant that the typical drip-feed of sexual shame had been replaced with a far more positive apparatus for sexual wellbeing and curiosity. Tina goes on to say much more about her background and the importance of her upbringing throughout the episode! Transforming a Fragmented Narrative into a Sexual Legacy So, why would Tina write a book about the suppression of sexuality in religiously-centered families, when she herself had experienced a far-from-stifling upbringing? To completely answer this question requires a brief review of a moment in her life that determined the direction of her research. The pieces for her book began to fall into place during her time as a professor. And more specifically, when she organized assignments that directed her Human Sexuality students to make autobiographical accounts of their own sexual experiences. And it was during the countless drafts she read that she started to notice an influx of narratives that all became pointedly self-conscious and self-disparaging. What had originally been a fragmented narrative began to congeal into a fleshed-out profile of individual sexuality. But what could have caused this shift in perception? Tune in to find out more! The Limitations of Legalism and Abstinence-Only Sellers delves into some of the origins of the more Evangelically-driven modes of thought. Legalistic adherence to biblical laws, literalism, a harsh criticism of sexual expression, and the power and money at the root of all socio-political movements. In addition, she accentuates the fact that the abstinence-only strategies are mentally detrimental for children. Eventually, once a child matures and becomes sexually active, abstinence-only techniques prove to be much more harmful than establishing regular dialogues on sexuality. Most of this is socio-politically and religiously driven, like the Purity Movement. Seriously, this information is worth its weight in gold. You won’t want to miss it! The Phenomenology of Sexual Shame At one point in the episode, Tina shares a quote which provides an absolutely nuanced and fresh perspective on the idea of sexual shame. But at the same time, it is heartbreaking in its accuracy. This is a portion of what is said on the phenomenology of sexual shame: “A visceral feeling of humiliation and disgust towards one’s own body and identity as a sexual being. A belief of being abnormal, inferior, and unworthy.” And this has been reinforced by our socio-political climate. For more on the phenomenology of sexual shame, listen along. Comprehensive Sex-Ed: 100, 1-minute conversations Tina says that a comprehensive sexual education is imperative for shifting the legacy of sexual of shame. With enough discussions, just 100, one-minute conversations, the statistics show that individuals will almost always go on to live healthier sexual lives. They also feel much better about their bodies overall. This means that parents must start very soon with their kids, shouldn’t have ‘heart attacks’ when children show curiosity towards their bodies (or the differences in others’ bodies), and let things come about naturally without “childproofing the mind,” so to speak. The Model For Erasing Sexual Shame (MESS) Tina shares one of the most important facets of her book with listeners. Using a four-part strategy for reversing sexual shame, she teaches us that we need to frame, name, claim, and aim if we expect to get rid of our sexual shame. First, we must have the proper frame for sexual education. This means that instead of porn, which often reflects only a male-driven fantasy, individuals need to have a sexual education that is instead based in reality. The frame is the “scaffolding” for a healthy sexuality, as Sellers says--it could even be called a frame of reference. The second, name, is equally important: we must name, or tell our story. To learn what claim and aim mean in this formula, check out this enlightening talk. The Mind/Body Divide: A Perspective Shift Towards Sinful Sex In some of the closing moments of the interview, Tina gives listeners a history lesson dating back all the way to Aristotle and up to Constantine. She states that the severance of the mind from the body started with the original Greek thinkers (Socrates, Plato, Aristotle) and largely affected the overall ideological shape of Christianity. Using eastern religion as a foil for western thought, she shows how the mind and body are actually unified in Eastern-based religions and thus generally have a more positive impact on sexual wellbeing for its adherents. Christianity, on the other hand, teaches the supremacy of the mind over the body, leading to a sexual suppression that is hard to shake. This can lead to unhealthy levels of sexual shame in those who are taught that the body must be grappled with and suppressed. The Vow of Onah Sellers shows us that there are a lot of Hebrew sources that portray sexually-positive messages. The most powerful of these being the Vow of Onah, which reverses the typical gender roles of the time period, favoring women over men. One of the oaths of The Vow of Onah is that “Sex is considered a woman’s right, not a man’s.” For the full list and a detailed response, check the key links and information below and read the blog post that Tina wrote on the subject. It’s eye-opening. Background She is the celebrated author of Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy. In addition to her exemplary research and compositional work on that book, she has a Ph.D. in Clinical Sexology and has established a very impressive reputation as a marriage and family therapist, medical family therapist, and also, a certified sex therapist. She has been a professor for many years now, starting as a Latin and science teacher in La Jolla, California. Eventually, this would lead to her teaching a sexual education course in the same prep school. And this launched the specialized career she has been diligently working at for years. Key Links and Information Regarding Tina Sellers Tina’s Website: http://tinaschermersellers.com/ Link for Tina’s book - Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1138674982 ‘Vow of Onah’ Blog Post Written by Tina Sellers: http://tinaschermersellers.com/2011/02/12/the-vow-of-onah-and-other-jewish-attitudes-about-sex/ Northwest Institute on Intimacy: https://nwioi.com/ 4-D Network: https://4-dnetwork.com/ Thank God For Sex: http://www.thankgodforsex.org/ She Is Called: https://www.sheiscalled.com/ More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

The Guide to Getting It On: A Self-Published Phenomenon If there was ever an excuse to self-publish a book, The Guide is a great example of how successful one can be using the practice. After Paul had taken nine years to finish the first draft of what would become The Guide To Getting It On, he wasn’t met with much success as he tried to get his work into circulation. Even a North Carolinian editor of a publishing house wagged his finger, saying that the subject matter would never fly; but ironically, years later, his book is being used as a central resource for sexual education for three college courses in North Carolina. Paul goes on to speak about the many iterations of the book--he even had to cut almost half of his draft to appease editors. He eventually self-published the book and the rest is history. And for the rest on the ever-changing forms and revisions, the book has undergone, tune into the episode. It is a great listen! Why'd You Write About Sex, Paul? Money! Paul is a self-professed cash hound. Only joking, of course. In all seriousness, Paul had a very noble reason for choosing to write about sex so prolifically and profoundly: he wanted to help those who have anxiety regarding sex. He is also fascinated by the topic and wanted to provide as much an education for the average person as possible, with calculated dollops of comedic relief and cleverness thrown in for good measure. Pick up a copy of his book if you want to experience it for yourself! Generation P (Porn) There are many reasons why Paul’s work is so important: one of the most pressing needs is to teach a younger generation so steeped in porn that the industry is meant for entertainment, and thus should not be taken to be real sex. Because of porn’s ubiquity, more people are getting a degree in porn over a real sexual education. Masturbation isn’t a bad thing. Porn isn’t a bad thing. But to substitute a real anatomical and physiological understanding for one that isn’t real is detrimental to a collective understanding of the sexual realm. To hear more thoughts on the topic, listen along. Inclusivity is Overrated Paul talks about how conforming to hyper-politically-correct aspects of society tends to lead to bad writing. He also talks about how he learned early on to stick to the principle of: “write what you know.” The point being that the homosexual community doesn’t want to be patronized. They are strong enough as a community. And because Paul writes predominantly about heterosexual sex, his work is best served not trying to be overly-inclusive in nature. To paraphrase a quote by Kurt Vonnegut: “write for just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, your writing will get pneumonia.” “Vulva? You Mean The Car?” During his career, Paul has struggled with knowing when to adopt new language for different editions of his book. Because nomenclature is always changing, and language as a whole is constantly evolving, the need to stay current is incredibly pressing. And that is one of the challenges of writing; he said that he learned the hard way to stop telling people what they should call certain parts of the body. For example, for years he referred to the vulva in his books, but he has since learned that not a lot of people are comfortable with the term. "Vagina" is a much friendlier term. For more on this, tune in! Is The Guide Safe For Teenagers? You Betcha! One question that Paul gets asked a lot is if he can write another sex guide solely for teenagers. They are often referred back to the original source. As if teenagers need more abstractions and euphemisms instead of a thorough education on sexual function and health. To learn more why an entire guide devoted to teenagers is unnecessary, stop by and listen for yourself! About Paul Joannides Paul Joannides had aspirations to write chemistry books before he turned to the complex world of sex. And thankfully for every fan, reader, and student of his magnum opus, The Guide To Getting It On, he has devoted the majority of his intellectual (and comedic) energy to providing a fresh, nuanced perspective on sexuality. Some call it the “bible of sex” and others have called it the best-assigned reading of the entirety of their college coursework. The superlatives are certainly justified. Joannides has provided readers 9 editions of the book, all with updated terms, topics, and research to guarantee the text being used in many classrooms nationwide are as up-to-date as possible. His research and writing skills have garnered acclaim from publications such as Playboy, Rolling Stone, and Oprah Magazine. And this isn’t even mentioning the awards he has won for his work, including the Professional Standard of Excellence Award, given to him by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. The list of his accolades could go on! In addition to his groundbreaking work on The Guide, he has a Psy.D. and is a Training and Supervising Psychoanalyst. For Videos, Contact Information, Recipes, and Other Resources Regarding Paul Joannides: Paul’s Website: https://www.guide2getting.com/videos/ Link for his book: The Guide To Getting It On - https://amzn.to/2Dc4jnO More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass