Better Sex

Frank was raised in a conservative home that placed a noose of fear and shame around sex. After a decade of fantasizing about sex, Frank married in his late 20’s and recalls the awkwardness about it. Sexuality was a very taboo topic in Frank's life and this carried into both his marriages. Nancy had issues of her own as well. Being a victim of sexual abuse from the age of 5, Nancy felt dirty and ashamed as a child. Her first sexual experience made this worse and led to her having a reputation for being a tease and mastering manipulation to maintain her power. Being Partners Nancy eventually shared her sexual history with Frank and things began to make sense in context for him. He then understood what Nancy went through and together they made an effort to make their relationship a safe place for them to be intimate. They believe they were the perfect storm but share that their commitment was what kept them together. Join us to hear Frank's opinion on the main tool that molded their broken relationship into a healthy one. The Effort Nancy shares Franks total commitment to her even when she pushed him away and the meticulous detail he put into making her comfortable. Her endearing reference to him as her coach describes her feelings for him. Frank shares his experience at Nancy’s side as she persisted to try and improve their intimacy. He emphasizes the factors of the positive environment he believed, that set Nancy free. Setbacks After a painful pelvic surgery, Nancy had to endure a six month recovery period which meant that sex was off the table. The couple, however, tells us about how they made lemonade out of the lemons of life’s curve balls yet again. Emancipation Tune in to hear Frank's personal struggles and the guilt that he carried for over twenty years. He reveals his journey to becoming comfortable with Nancy about taboo topics like porn and the emancipation they both experienced when he was finally able to share his sexuality with his lifetime companion. This milestone for Frank was a welcome surprise for Nancy who felt a sense of familiarity after watching other women in their most vulnerable moments. Today Frank and Nancy have shared a 30-year journey together. They tell us about what their sex life is like today, after years of diligent effort. Listen in to hear how their love for each other has evolved and matured to offer them a deeper connection. Their valuable advice to couples is to hang in there, talk a lot and listen with an open heart. More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

How important is passion? The place of Love across cultures In this episode of Better Sex, Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh unwraps her theory of love in two categories: submergent and emergent. She describes the difference between the two and how cultures have different expectations about love and passion. She dissects each journey and love cycle as people typically experience it. She shares an interesting find about successful couples having the foundation right, then letting the love emerge. The question of love from friendship comes up. Tune in to learn what Dr. Sara thinks about this and what the defining factors are for a harmonious relationship. The Sharp Orange Color We chat about the yearning people have for each other (playfully labeled as the Sharp orange color by Dr. Sara). She shares the impact of a healthy foundation once the orange color phase has passed. Her beautiful description for this is a rainbow kind of love. Join in to hear the secret of a rainbow relationship, it’s ingredients and why it works. Differences in culture After discussing her thoughts on arranged marriages, Dr. Sara outlines the different competencies that rank as priorities in different social or cultural contexts. The different perceptions of relationships are brought up for western cultures as we discuss the fantasies people  adopt as ‘normal.’ Daily findings and advice Dr. Sara offers some advice for submergent types of relationships that want to try and build an emergent type of love. “Language is the least effective way to communicate with someone” - a belief Dr. Saras shares before she dives into analyzing what couples do when they ‘spend’ time together. She has an interesting way of re-branding relationships once couples walk through her door. She touches on the questions couples bring up, the hurt and the past and shares her method around that to ensure couples still move forward. Sex across cultures You won’t want to miss Dr. Sara's findings on sex and its reflection of power as well as its weight in relationships. She opens our eyes to the sexual confusion found in submergent relationships versus healthier emergent relationships. About our guest Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, Ph.D. is a Social Psychologist and a thought leader in the fields of Cultural Literacy, Sexual Health, and Relationships. She is an award-winning author and a sought-after speaker and educator. As a former member of the International Federation of Journalists, Dr. Sara is the host of a BBC World Service program on sexuality and relationship issues, which received the BBC’s Innovation of the Year Award in 2007. This program is still ongoing and reaches millions of Farsi-speaking audience across the globe. Dr. Nasserzadeh has been consulted as a senior cultural advisor by governments, international NGOs, professional organizations and private sector across 37 countries. In 2007, her international work in the area of human development and sexuality education received the World Association for Sexual Health (WAS) runner-up award for Excellence and Innovation. In 2011, she was a winner for the Pfizer Inc. Innovation of the Year Award for designing an integrative strategic plan to make customers the priory for the enterprise. In 2014, Dr. Nasserzadeh was awarded by the People of Distinction Humanitarian Award in New York City for her humanitarian work around the globe. Dr. Nasserzadeh has been a contributor to numerous books, journals, and white papers. She is highly regarded by her peers and serves on the Board of various professional organizations including the World Association for Sexual Health (WAS) and the American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). Dr. Sara was named as one of the Best Love Doctors by Harpers Bazaar, and one of the Women in the Know by Daily Mirror. DatingAdvice.com named her as one of the 10 Best Sex and Dating Experts in 2015. Dr. Nasserzadeh is based in Palo Alto, California and travels widely. How to Reach Dr. Sara and Related Links Twitter: @DR_Sara_ FB: Dr.SaraNasserzadeh Instagram: Dr.SaraNasserzadeh LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/dr.-sara-nasserzadeh Website: www.Sara-Nasserzadeh.com Books In English: 1) Wheel of Context for Sexuality Education: https://www.wheelofcontext.com, 2) Orgasm Answer Guide: https://jhupbooks.press.jhu.edu/content/orgasm-answer-guide For Farsi speakers (BBC Show): http://www.bbc.com/persian/tv-and-radio-40532793 ----- Better Sex Podcast - https://bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Men's sexual health concerns often stem from the pressure of expectations In today’s episode, Jessa and Jennifer Valli talk about men’s sexual health concerns and dysfunctions ( men being defined as people who have been raised male and who have a penis) and approaches to make sex easier and stress-free. Reasons Men go to Sex Therapy Jennifer discusses the most common reasons that men go to sex therapy and the compounding pressure they face from society to behave in a predefined manner. She highlights the underlying social habits men are raised to practice and the effect it has on intimacy. The question of penis size is raised and some shocking statistics revealed from Google searches. Expectations Jennifer covers initiation of sex and the role men are expected to play there as well as the desired sexual response that is burdened on them. She shares her thoughts on how this came to be, by looking at partners past experiences and the historical decline of testosterone. Tips for men Jennifer covers specific tips about premature ejaculation and recommends a great book called ‘Coping with Premature Ejaculation’ by Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy coupled with an SSRI. Tune in as she shares her Sex Club Rules, adapted from the movie, Fight Club: Rule #1 Don’t panic. Rule #2 Don’t panic. Rule #3 Men may need both fiction and friction to get erect (touch and fantasy). Rule #4 Engage with a semi-rigid or moderately rigid penis–don’t wait to be 100% rigid. Rule #5 Men don’t need an erection to experience an orgasm. Rule #6 Expect waxing and waning erections. This is more common for older men or men with dysfunction. Rule #7 Men can still experience orgasm even if they don’t ejaculate from the penis (prostate surgeries or TURP surgeries, for example, can cause retrograde ejaculation where the ejaculate goes back up into the bladder but the man can still feel the orgasm). Rule #8 Don’t apologize and turn it into a humiliating catastrophe. Instead, proceed to Rule #9. Rule #9 Make eye contact with your partner and transition to being sexual a different way (which Jennifer shares suggestions on) Performance anxiety Jennifer tells us about an interesting experiment around this topic and comes to the conclusion that lack of erotic focus causes performance anxiety. She explains how the brain works leading up to and during an orgasm. The topic of learning how to receive comes up and Jennifer shares how men can learn to do this without it feeling unnatural. Jennifer covers loss of an erection, the role of the mind, the partner and ways to tune in and engage as a couple with perspective on the matter. Delayed ejaculation is covered and Jennifer shares what to do with this, so you will be in safe hands! I ask if erectile dysfunction is physical or mental and Jennifer shares her thoughts on this with another interesting experiment you probably didn’t know about. Listen in to find out if they are linked or not and why. Where to from here? For men who have stayed away from sexual encounters and want to try and experience this again, she discusses how men can start having sex by “scaffolding in physical intimacy”. Listen in as she takes us on a step by step guide to slowly build up to a comfortable place with your partner. About Jennifer Jennifer Valli is a seasoned therapist and draws on 25 years of post-master’s clinical experience in psychiatry. She is a licensed psychotherapist in Tennessee and Certified Sex Therapist through AASECT, the American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Valli completed some of this training in the area of fetishes and paraphilias with faculty through John’s Hopkins. She received a postgraduate degree in Sexual Health at the University of Michigan, both as a Sex Therapist and Sex Educator. Valli is an instructor at the University of Tennessee Health Science Center with appointments with Medical Education and OBGYN in the College of Medicine and with Occupational Therapy in the College of Health Professions. She is on the Board of Advisors at Men’s Fitness Magazine and has been quoted in Contemporary Sexuality, CNN, Men’s Health Magazine and Men’s Fitness Magazine. In her private practice, Valli focuses on both emotional and physical intimacy. Useful links For more information, you can visit http://www.JenniferValli.com Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Sexual-Health-by-Psychotherapist-Jennifer-Valli-431786393625792/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/JenniferValli/ AASECT: The American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors and Therapists https://www.aasect.org/ Books: Coping with Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner and Have Great Sex. By Metz and McCarthy. https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Premature-Ejaculation-Overcome-Partner/dp/1572243406 Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex. By Metz and McCarthy. https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Erectile-Dysfunction-Regain-Confidence/dp/1572243864 Better Sex Podcast - https://bettersexpodcast.com Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Out of control sexual behavior or sex addiction Are you concerned about your own sexual behavior in relation to your values? Do you wonder if your sexual behavior is out of control? Are you or someone you love worried that you have a sex addiction? You cannot afford to miss this episode with guest Marc Gilmartin. Marc is a Certified Sex Therapist and Licensed Mental Health Counselor who unpacks how to identify if you have a sexual behavior problem and how to deal with it. Marc provides individual and group psychotherapy for a range of clinical issues, but in today's episode, he shares about Out of Control Sexual Behavior and Erotic Conflict. Identifying a problem In his diagnosis of a problem, Marc explains understanding if your sexual behavior is compulsive or conflicting with your values. He identifies the starting point of sexual behavior problems as the discovery or disclosure of an “agreement breaking process”  and provides a few great examples. Tune in to learn more as Marc discusses the three categories of problems he finds that could help you. Marc’s Process and Advice Helping people define their own clear boundaries for sexual behavior is something Marc specializes in through regular one-on-one and group sessions.  Join us to hear Marc's advice on Couples therapy and when it is needed. While Marc helps people with their sexual conflicts, his role is not to judge if a behavior is appropriate or inappropriate, but instead for his client to identify what is meaningful to them and align that to their personal values. He teaches clients that, “it is not necessarily the fact that you were looking for pleasure, it's the way you were going about trying to get that need met.” Listen in as he takes us through the stages to achieve that ideal vision of sexual health in relation to each individuals situation. Getting Help There are a number of internet support groups, books and 12-step programs available, some of which we discuss on this episode, but they don't work for everyone. If you think that talking to Marc might help you to understand any of the issues discussed and how they may relate to yourself, then check out his contact details below and get in touch. Website: http://marcgilmartin.com/ Email: marc@marcgilmartin.com Phone: (425) 453-6344 More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

I'm excited about the topic for this episode. We're going to be talking about both Masculine and Feminine Energy. I'm talking about this because it's relevant to sex and to our lives in general. We all have masculine and feminine energy, it's not about whether you're male or female bodied. It doesn't matter what kind of physical form you're in. Each of us has both types of energy, and it's important to be able to access and develop our sense of each of them in our lives. It's especially important in sex because it's the interplay between the two different energies that creates attraction. Masculine and feminine energy are like magnetic poles. If you have two that are alike, they can repel, and if they're different then they attract. That sort of tension or difference is what creates some vitality in a sexual attraction. And again, it's not about two different genders, but it's about having some interaction between those two different energies. It is helpful to learn about what those energies are, how they show up, what might block them, and what it's like to develop the one you're less comfortable in or spend less time in. That gives you more choice about how you show up in your sexual relationship, and it offers some fuel for your sexual fire. These concepts show up in my sex therapy practice, although people aren't generally using the language of masculine or feminine energy. But they are talking about trouble shifting gears from work.They are talking about lacking confidence and power in their sexual interactions. They are talking about struggling with sexual initiation and demonstration of their desire. All of the concerns relate to your balance of female and male energy. Clients also talk about struggles with attraction to their partner. Maybe it's because they aren't polarized in their energy, they are both in sort of the same place, whether that's masculine or feminine. And again, I'm not talking about gender; it doesn't matter if you're two men or two women. It's about what energy you are inhabiting. I have this amazing guest to talk to us today about this. Her name is Jeni Dahn, and she's really a gifted and experienced shamanic practitioner, an energetic healer and a life coach who empowers her clients to reconnect with their inner wisdom and live authentically. Jeni uses a variety of indigenous and modern healing modalities which focus on removing the energetic and mental barriers that prevent individuals from living to their full potential. She serves a wide variety of clients, including those seeking emotional support during life changes and recovery from physical, psychological, or emotional trauma, and also those who desire to live more wholeheartedly and abundantly. She sees the beauty in light in everyone, and she certainly shines her own beauty and light with everybody she deals with. She's compassionate, loving, understanding, and always fully present with clients and after working with her, people often say they feel more alive, joyful, grounded, and inspired to live from the truth of their being. It is just a delight to have Jeni Dahn with me here today. Initially inspired by the work of Dr. Alberto Villoldo, Jeni studied for two years with the Four Winds Society, where she learned many healing arts and the power of energy medicine. After receiving a certificate in energy healing from the Four Winds Society, Jeni completed additional training with the CTI coaching program. As a lifelong learner, Jeni continues to study indigenous healing practices and remains inspired by her teachers in the Seattle area and abroad. Along with private sessions, Jeni offers workshops, retreats, and group healing sessions throughout the Northwest. Links: Website - https://www.jenidahn.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jenidahn/ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/jeni.dahn Jeni's talk about masculine and feminine energy - https://www.facebook.com/jessica.butts.9400/videos/10212329852111602/ A little cartoon teaching about energy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiaVazF1SIY&feature=youtu.be More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

What are we talking about? Men who have sex with men, have done it in the past or who are interested in it, but still identify as straight or mostly straight. However, their behavior or their interest makes their partner wonder about their sexuality. Sometimes someone will wonder if their husband is gay because they have no interest in sex with them. Or they don't show a strong libido or a high sex drive. Or, maybe their partner has had sex with men, either recently or in the distant past or maybe they've got an interest in them. And it really makes them wonder, "Is my husband gay?" Seems like a reasonable question. But the truth is that sexuality is on a continuum. There's fluidity in our lives and our behavior is different than our identity. So you can't say just because somebody has done something that it defines who they are. You have a stable sexual orientation throughout your lifetime, but you may have romantic or sexual episodes long your path with someone outside of your sexual identity. Sometimes these can be frightening and confusing. Especially since as children and adolescents, we are only given permission to know that there is heterosexuality. People who discover a different sexual identity usually are much older. Dr. Kort describes his four questions that can help lead you to discover your own, personal sexual identity. He also explains what may be happening with these incidents and experiences, and how this can be an opportunity to have a conversation you might not ever have. Dr. Joe Kort is a licensed sex and relationship therapist. He specializes in sex therapy, LGBTQ issues, and Imago Relationship Therapy. He is the author of four books: 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives: Revised and Updated, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love, LGBTQ Clients in Therapy: Clinical Issues and Treatment Strategies, and Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men. A regular blogger for Psychology Today and The Huffington Post, he’s on the teaching faculty of the University of Michigan’s Sexual Health Certificate Program. Dr. Kort is also in partnership with Modern Sex Therapy Institute offering an LGBTQIA Affirmative Certification for helping professionals working with this population. Dr. Joe Kort: http://www.joekort.com Book - Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: https://www.amazon.com/My-Husband-Gay-Straight-Concerned/dp/1442223251/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Shame. We're not born with it but it is given to us at a very early age. And we unwittingly pass it along to others. Shame is an emotional response which is completely natural, and you should never feel there is something the matter with you for which you should be ashamed. Our natural response to shame is to close in, to try and hide as we attempt to minimize our exposure to something shameful. Shame has also evolved into a tool we use to keep each other safe and to make it clear what the rules of engagement are. However, our attachment and bond with another can be ruptured in these instances, leaving the feeling of shame. It's important to repair this disruption and restore the bond as best as we can, or permanent damage can occur. Difficult to see at times because of its very nature to be hidden, shame can be pushed into a pattern which can be very difficult to interrupt. How do we reduce this shame amplification? How do we heal? And what does Parke mean when he speaks of "Healthy Guilt?" Listen to this powerful session and learn how you can begin to work through your shame and recognize when you are using it as an emotional tool, in and out of your sex life. Parke Burgess is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and psychotherapist in private practice in Tacoma and Seattle, Washington, working with couples and individual adults. In addition to a Masters of Psychology, Parke holds a doctorate in music from the University of Washington and a Bachelors degree from Yale University. He has written a book on the problem of violence and presented extensively to mental health and education professionals on the nature and treatment of shame. Parke Burgess - http://www.parkeburgess.com/ More info: Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/3 Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

During this important conversation about grief and how it impacts our lives, especially within the context of our sex lives, Jessa and guest Edy Nathan help us to recognize that sexual changes throughout life are not always looked at as moments of grief. But, they certainly are and even if they seem small, they can add up to bigger, more powerful moments.Edy also helps us to understand the phases of grief. And, to see what may have shifted or changed in our lives which could have a dramatic impact on our feelings towards sex.Listen and learn about these phases and what you can do to move through the grief to find new ways to feel alive while learning more about yourself.Edy Nathan is a licensed clinical social work and AASECT certified sex therapist specializing in grief, trauma, and sexuality. She interweaves her formal training as a psychotherapist with alternative ways to tap into the self and truth.Within the context of sexuality, trauma, abuse, and death, she believes that everyone experiences grief throughout their lives. She believes that you cannot talk your way out of the process of grief, loss or trauma – you need to find a way into the self to get relief.Edy Nathan - http://edynathan.com/More info:Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/2Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

It's all over the news these days and sexual consent is important everywhere, even in a committed relationship. There are no "givens" and consent is required, no matter the situation. Especially if you change something within the relationship. Consent is basically a temporary license which must be renewed, you cannot take anything for granted. It is often quite hard to say "No!" Misunderstandings and miscommunications revolving around sexual consent, expectations, and even entitlement can lead to resentment or consent incidents. Even though the damage may not be intentional, the person who has violated the consent of another, despite differing perceptions, is still responsible for the damage. What do we do when a consent incident happens? Listen to this episode where Jessa Zimmerman interviews Sar Surmick to reveal some tools and strategies to navigate the tricky waters of Consent. The question is not just, "Has consent been given?" It can also be, "Has consent been asked for?" Sar Surmick is the director of the Consent Academy and a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in identity work and couples therapy. With offices in Redmond and Seattle, Sar works with a wide variety of clients specializing in Non-Monogamy, Sex & Gender concerns, Trans* Clients, and BDSM/Kink. Sar teaches as a sex-positive educator focusing on Communication, Identity, and Consent. Sar Surmick - http://significantconnections.com Consent Academy - http://consent.academy.com More info: Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/1 Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Welcome to the very first episode of Better Sex. I'm so glad you're here. The format of the show in the future is going to be largely interview-based, where I'm going to be talking to people with various areas of specialty and expertise that have some bearing on improving your sex life. But first, I want to give you a little chance to know who I am and why I'm doing this. I am a couples counselor and a sex therapist. I'm in private practice in Seattle, at the point of this recording, for about seven and a half years. But, I have people ask me a lot why I decided to become a sex therapist. It is a relatively rare specialty and certification and it started really when I was in graduate school. I was getting my master's degree in order to be a therapist. And early on in the program, we had a presentation by a sex therapist and she referred to her work as mostly grief and loss work. And that just hit me in the gut. I knew in that moment I wanted to be a sex therapist. There was something about resonating or empathizing with the suffering that people feel if their sex life isn't working. Right there in that moment, I knew that's what I wanted to do. I had to finish graduate school, get my master's degree and to finish all the requirements to become licensed as a therapist. So I went through the extensive training required to certify someone as a sex therapist. And I also got a lot of training in couples therapy approaches and from the very beginning of my practice, I have worked almost exclusively with couples. Most people that I see in my practice are struggling with sex even though their bodies are just fine. So nothing is physically wrong but they're having big problems. I see people struggling with desire discrepancy, where one person wants sex more than the other person. I see people fighting about sex. I see people certainly that don't know how to talk about it at all. And I certainly see people that don't have the information that they need to create a good sex life or to feel good about it. So as I meet with dozens of couples each week, I see patterns. I see where people get stuck. I see how a lack of information is going to completely handicap people. If you don't understand how sex works or what's going on, you don't know how to get solutions. I see how unrealistic expectations are killing people's ability to enjoy sex. There is so much misinformation out there. People have these ideas about what sex should be or what performing would look like or whatever it is and that's so in people's way. And I certainly see people not knowing how to talk about sex or the problems that they're having with their partner. Whether they're avoiding the topic completely or whether they end up in fights, they just don't know how to have the conversations they need to have to make it better. So that is really why I've started this podcast. I want to bring you the information you need to make the best possible sex life. So every episode is going to address something different and the topics may not be relevant to you right now, but hopefully, they will add up to a vast wealth of knowledge that will help if you need it at some point in the future. I also want to make it clear that I am inclusive. So I affirm every sexual orientation, gender identity, relationship structure, and consensual sexual behavior that there is. I'm what's called a sex-positive therapist. That really matters to me and I hope you can find that reflected in every episode. And with my guests as well. I'm really excited about this. I hope you're going to join me on this journey. And I wish you a lifetime of satisfying and pleasurable sex. Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/000 Web – http://jessazimmerman.com Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/seattlecouplescounselor/ Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass