Becoming Whole

Send us a textCalling all husbands and wives - “Does Your Marriage Need a Different Sexual Lens?” Josh recently shared this question through a thoughtful article on the Regeneration Ministries website. And today, Josh and Kit are unpacking what it means so you can experience sex in a better way with your spouse. Our culture tends to put expectations sex - what it should look like, what you should look like, how you should feel, when it should happen, even how often it should happen. Sex is all about what you get out of it. In this conversation, we’re hoping to shift our gaze from what the world tells us about sex and ask our Creator what He means it to be instead.  That’s where the shift comes in.  The different lens we’re exploring transfers sex from self-serving opportunity to an opportunity to give of yourself. When you strip away the societal constructs to allow yourself to be naked in more than a physical way; you are then able to gift yourself to your spouse in a way that brings freedom and love and appreciation. The world entangles insecurity into sex. Allow the challenge in this episode to invite depth and vulnerability and delight for you and your spouse.Highlights:If Christians begin to practice thinking and talking about sex as a form of self-giving love, that’s what sex is designed to be.This is my body given for you - given is the operative wordWhat does it lookIf Sex is an act of self-giving love, then tonight we didn’t reach climax but I’m going to love you where you are tonight. I’m going to love you in this space.Homework:Lay down the comparison of friends’ marriages or sex lives.Pray and practice against Coveting. The words “If Only” can be like flags warning that you are wanting what others have; be aware and take notice of what you have in your spouse and in your marriage.Take notice and ask yourself: What is our marriage like? How are we uniquely ourselves in this marriage?Practice delighting in your spouse (laying aside criticism and comparison); what about your spouse first attracted you? What attracts you now? Be aware of parts of him/her, things about their voice and personality. Then share it with him/her.Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeFree Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textIf you are saying “I can’t handle this. I can’t control this. I don’t have answers.” It sounds like you may be at the end of you.  How do you get from there to admitting, “It’s okay that I’m not okay.” There’s a lot of work involved.That “at the end of you” feeling coupled with ongoing recovery work towards sexual integrity or for saving your marriage can feel overwhelming. We pray this episode comes alongside you. Listen in as we turn to Psalm 131 and find an invitation to go beyond the practical day-to-day work towards recovery and go beyond the end of you. Your Heavenly Father wants more than recovery for you. He also wants wholeness for you and with you. Josh and Kit point out the invitation to be small in the midst of big anxiety and temptation. We need to be willing to understand some of the ways we haven’t been able to humble ourselves, then surrender to God and trust Him with these big things. This is deep, inner work - releasing your ability to fix it and your grip on a fixed outcome to a God you may not trust in this moment. Your Heavenly Father wants more for you; becoming whole means going beyond existing, peace does not come from an outcome and when you find yourself at the end of you, if you’re heart is willing; you will find God.Highlights:At some point in time, in any given tragic situation in life we come to the end of ourselves. And we have to admit that.Pain and our ability to feel pain is a gift from God because it alerts us that there is a problem.What does it look like to be at the end of yourself? I can’t manage this. I can’t control this. I don’t have answers.Homework:Quiet yourself now. Invite God’s presence in & pray this invitation to be small.Psalm 131A song of ascents.My heart is not proud, Lord,    my eyes are not haughty;I do not concern myself with great matters    or things too wonderful for me.But I have calmed and quieted myself,    I am like a weaned child with its mother;    like a weaned child I am content.Israel, put your hope in the Lord    both now and forevermore.A Prayer: “Lord what do I need? How do I need to understand who I am and how I respond? How do I learn to trust you and believe you and your promises more than I want this circumstance or outcome?Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeFree Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textWe Are All Searching For Meaning.Right now, let’s take notice. For this next half hour together, let’s be aware of that need deep inside you. And this time, let’s promise to not look away but to be present and understanding because you are a person of great worth. Your habit of turning to pornography or hooking up is more than an unwanted sexual behavior. That pattern in your life is connected to a desire for worth. But searching for a sense of calling is not limited to just you. Googling “How do I find purpose,” comes in with more than 10,880,000,000 results. We are all searching for meaning.Sometimes, that lack of mission can become a trigger for unwanted sexual behaviors. On this episode, Josh and Kit ask important questions while coaching you through taking time to listen for your own answers. Fruitfulness is attached to our sexuality. Futility can take that sideways into things like porn and more. Beloved one, there is a tension between the fruitful and futile. Let’s explore and learn together on this episode of “Becoming Whole.”Highlights:When we’re struggling with sin, we’re searching for something. We’re searching for some foundation, some meaning.It’s built into us to be pursuing meaning and fruitfulness in our livesGoing to pornography, maybe even the type of pornography you choose can create a sense of having powerHomework:Rather than vilify the unwanted sexual behaviors you’re looking to; Let’s stop and figure out the WHY. Ask yourself: What is my fantasy pointing me to? Now that you’ve named it, what do you do with it?Can you receive this message from God today: I value you so much as a beloved son or as a beloved daughter. You are free to take risks, to experience, to try, to fall to get back up. Because I want your life to have meaning. I’ve created you for meaning, with meaning.Today, think of one way You can live with purpose.  Think simple - a phone call, a written note, etc.Resources/Extras:Jay Stringer Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healingTranscription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeFree Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textIs lust truly every man’s battle? Generally speaking, lust gets put in a “Men Only” category. Maybe that’s because of the idea that men are more visual than women and thus more prone to this disordered desire. On this episode of “Becoming Whole,” Josh and Dan distinguish desire from lust imploring accountability and honesty. The world tells us men are bound to fall into lust but this conversation hopes to refute that toxic message and help you break free. This is not about condemnation. Consider this episode more of an ongoing invitation to becoming whole, looking beyond your disordered desire to connect with the freedom and honor God has for you.Highlights:Lust dehumanizes the person. It reduces them to be an object of desire, an object to be consumed. It also dehumanizes the person who is doing the lusting, it reduces who he is as a man.Love always sees the whole person. Love does not use another person. Love actually tries to be self giving.When a man lusts, even though it might feel natural, it might feel like this is what men do; he’s actually sinning against his own eyes, his own heart, his own mind, his own body.Homework:Questions for Reflection: Does your picture of this other person include reality: that he or she wakes up in the morning with messy hair and bad breath? that sometimes they get sick? Does it include that they have a heart, that they have longings? Does it include that they have a past? And they have a mother and a father? Be Aware of the two words: IF ONLY. Jesus invites us to be present where we are. The words “If only” take us and the person we’re lusting OUT of the present.Pray, “I want to be the kind of man Jesus was.”Resources/Extras:Proverbs 27:20 “Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.”1 Corinthians 6:12 “’I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’—but I will not be mastered by anything. You say, ‘Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.’ The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received fFree Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textWe are designed for hugs and holding hands and more. Touch IS a good gift from God. Healthy touch! Maybe this truth has you clenching your jaw but don’t be too quick to run away from this conversation. Your current sexual addiction or your past sexual trauma may have twisted the idea of touch into dark confusion and shame. If so, please stay. Perhaps you’re one of the many people during this pandemic going long stretches of time without an embrace, please stay. Touch and longing are not easy topics to bring up in conversation. So, let this episode with Josh, Kit and Kyle be a starting point for you. We pray you won’t stay stuck in the messages about sexual desire from the world or how your family of origin framed it. We pray you will learn to understand basic desire as good and avoid the dangerous turns of shame.  For now, quiet the other messages on desire and invite God to tell you His truth for you and your body.Highlights:God created us for touch. Touch is actually really important and very good.We paint people as the danger. What we want to do is untwist the misdirected desire away.There’s a narrative in our culture that limits us in our thinking on sexual arousal. The cultural narrative on sexual arousal tells us, limiting us to “This is who you are. This is who you want. This is pointing you towards utmost satisfaction.”Homework:1. Inviting God into your moments of longing creates an ongoing conversation. So, when you do need Him, He can say; “Oh we know what that is. We’ve talked about that before. I’m here for you. I’m in this. Remember, here’s how we think about it.”Here are some prayers:Lord, I’m sensing something that in my heart I know is not appropriate for this moment. Lord, help me to redirect. Help me to see this person through your eyes and not my own. Help me to recognize this is one of your image bearers and to see them as You see them.Lord, I know that at the heart of this is my desire to experience beauty and so this is the reaction I get when I see your beauty but Lord I want to be able to see beauty in a way that doesn’t defile.2. You’ve heard our conversation on Healthy Touch. Now, we encourage you to find safe places to keep talking about these things- mentor, spiritual director or spiritual coach.Resources/Extras:John 13:25 tells us the apostle John was resting on the breast of Jesus.  That was a place he went to for comfort. God gave us imaginations. He allows us to insert ourselves into Scripture so maybe that’s a means of comfort in times of longing.Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textAn anonymous question came in through the Regeneration Ministries blog setting the stage for this conversation “…Why does God set one free from sin and stronghold immediately and not another?“ Why are we waiting for healing and other's aren't?If you keep struggling with sexual sin and have watched others gain freedom; that can feel hard. On this episode of “Becoming Whole,” Josh and Kit tackle the mystery of healing and the ‘why’s’ that can come with it. Listen in as they navigate the touchy questions like “Is it something you earn? Why don’t I deserve it?” It can feel like there’s an unevenness in healing. But, witnessing someone else’s freedom from sexual sin while you keep struggling shouldn’t lead to condemning God or you. God has a different experience for you. If you are longing to find freedom, we pray this conversation softens your heart to see the Hope available for you.Highlights:When we start interpreting our experience of not being set free from something with an angle that either accuses us or accuses God; that’s an indicator that the enemy is getting his own opinion in there that’s unhelpful.The way God heals one person is not the way, necessarily He heals every person.There are different layers of what needs to be sanctified, what needs healing, what needs transformation in our lives.Homework:Self Reflection: Are you speaking failure over your habits and patterns? Try using different language around your sins and habits. Practice saying: “Today, I’ve struggled this way” instead of “This is my struggle.”Find people to remind you of God’s kindness.Pick any two or three of these verses and pay attention to the details (who was asking for healing, what their condition was, the method Jesus used) -  John 2:1-11, John 4:46-47, Luke 5:1-11, Mark 1:23-28, 30-31,40-45, Matthew 8:5-13, Luke 7:11-18, Matthew 8:23-27, Matthew 8:28-34, Matthew 9:1-8, 18-26, Luke 8:43-48, Matthew 9:27-31, 32-33, John 5:1-9, Matthew 12:10-13, 22, Matthew 14:15-21, Matthew 15:22-28, Mark 7:31-37, Matthew 15:32-39, Mark 8:22-26, Matthew 17:14-21, John 9:1-38, Luke 13: 10-17, Luke 14:1-4, Luke 17:11-19, John 11:1-46, Matthew 20:30-34, Matthew 21:18-22, Luke 22:50-51, Luke 24:5-6, John 21:1-14 Jesus healed a lot of people from a multitude of ailments, at varying stages of sickness, using a lot of different methods. Considering all the details of these stories is a way to appreciate the mystery of Jesus’ healing.Resources/Extras:Romans 2:4 “Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?”It’s the kindness of God that leaves us to repentance. You can’t outrun God’s grace.Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textAbuse is a powerful weapon; destroying its victim's sense of value and robbing their voice. Years of ongoing physical, emotional, and sexual abuse had reduced Bonnie’s voice to a mere whisper. In this episode of “Becoming Whole,” we are honored to let Bonnie use her voice to tell her story. The fact that Bonnie would sit at a microphone to share with you reveals the triumph of her healing.  Her words are transparent revealing a beautiful honesty with God even through the details of her abuse. And while she’s experienced healing, Bonnie is still doing the work with her Regeneration Ministries counselor, Anne Donahue. This conversation is a unique opportunity to hear from both counselor and client; how their partnership of Spiritual Coaching and prayer operates. Hearing Bonnie tell her story,  Anne affirm and encourage Bonnie, and hearing the Lord through it all is tender and powerful.Light a candle. Invite Jesus to listen to Bonnie’s story with you. And, let Him tell you what He wants for you on this journey to “Becoming Whole.”Highlights:“Abuse is an invasion of our boundaries. It is an attack of our personhood. It usually happens when someone stronger than we are overpowers us physically, emotionally or sexually. It affects our value.”I was told on a daily basis that I was never wantedWe don’t always realize we’re in such a hard situation until we share it with others or until we are freed from that situationHomework:Retreat vs Repeat - do you see this coping mechanism in your life? Are you running away from pain and trauma? Or do you find yourself repeating the narrative you grew up with?Journal - Try using this daily practice to record gratitude and to ask God the hard questionsExtras:Path through the Wilderness: Becoming Who You Were Meant to Be by Rev. Bob RaganExodus 23:30 Little by little I will drive them out before you until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.Juanita Ryan - Guided Prayers to promote healing from childhood traumaTranscription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeFree Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textLife with Jesus does not mean a life without suffering.  So, how do we learn How to suffer well? Now, maybe that’s what you were taught or maybe you just assumed it to be true. Let’s face it, the typical American dream version of Christianity can paint a pain-free picture. But as you know, suffering is a reality. The world’s message about pain doesn’t set us up well either. We hope you’ll take time to listen as Josh, Kit Elmer, and Dan Keefer discuss the hard truth about suffering and constructive ways to suffer well. The ripple effects of avoiding or numbing out affect the most important relationships in our lives. You owe it to you and to those around you to learn to suffer well. Listen in.Highlights:Our sexuality is deeply impacted by suffering. Our relationships are deeply impacted by suffering and if we don’t learn to suffer well then, these parts of our lives are going to continue to suffer.So often we try to bring our painful parts of life and we try to medicate those by running to those sexual behaviorsWhen we accept our weaknesses, our suffering; we accept Christ’s strength.Homework:Typical messages around suffering that aren’t helpful:You must have done something wrong to have brought this suffering upon yourself.If you had enough faith, you’d be able to get out of thisPain is bad, avoid it, get away from it, dismiss it. There is nothing good that can come from embracing it.When someone shares their suffering with you, your first step is to LISTEN. Resist trying to share a verse or a remedy. Let your listening be the gift.Extras:Saul’s Conversion Acts 9:18Isaiah 30:20  “Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.” NIVOR “Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes.” NLTPhilippians 4:10-13 “I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”John 11:17-30 Jesus wept at Lazarus death2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselvFree Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textYour Bro’s, Your Girls, Your Tribe, Your Squad - No matter what you call it, you need a deeper kind of friendship. You and I are wired for connection. Friendship is a special kind of relationship that builds intimacy and brings fun while giving us some footing in this world. Rebecca Baker joins Josh and Kit on the podcast today to unwrap the gift of friendship. You’ll hear how true friends don’t just happen. Intentionality and vulnerability and risk are worth the gain. We hope this conversation blesses you, encouraging you to ask good questions, share your stories, listen & laugh well, standing shoulder to shoulder with the friend God has for you.Highlights:In a deeper kind of friendship, you are inviting someone into your life to take a different kind of role in your life-giving them a place where they can speak into your life, they can hold you accountable, they can get to know you in a deeper way which is beautiful and scary.We trust that a friend will tell us the truth about what they see, because they care about us, not because they want to wound us.Friends have a unique way of loving us and supporting us and challenging us and calling us to better versions of ourselves in a way that’s unique from other types of relationshipsHomework:Praying for Friendship: Bring your need for deeper connections to God, ask Him for good friends and then pay attention to who else is on the journey alongside you.Extras:C.S. Lewis “The Four Loves” - “To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it.”Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”Proverbs 27:6 “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”Plato “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”BW Podcasts you will enjoy - “Band of Brothers - Men need Each other” & “The Art of Human Relationships”Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeFree Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a text“I want what I want.” There it is; Temptation is calling. You’re in deep and need an escape. But, you’ve made a commitment to stop. Desire can flip the switch on commitment, detouring your willpower and ushering shame in like a tidal wave. It’s powerful that way but in moments of temptation, you may forget you have power too. In this episode of “Becoming Whole,” Josh and Kit offer you a pro-active approach to temptation with practical ways to use your power. Be sure to scroll down to the Homework and Extras sections for ways to maximize your resistance before temptation gets loud.Highlights:Guilt says what I did was wrong. Shame says You are bad.Temptations lead to a moment of escape. It’s a drug in that moment of difficulty.Because God is kind and compassionate with us, we can be kind and compassionate with ourselves.Homework:Step 1: INVITE GOD IN. You may have pushed God out of this scenario for any number of reasons. Now push back on that shame or guilt and invite Him back in. Step 2: ASK GOD how He sees you, to fight alongside you. Be specific and ask what ideas He would offer in times of temptation. Satan sees these moments and starts trying to fan the flame, then accuses you for having them.Step 2: PREPARE. You’ve asked God, now be prepared for Him to answer. Keep a journal of this conversation, being aware of how He may answer. If there’s a specific verse, write it out and keep it handy for times of need. Maybe there’s a song or two that speaks to you, make a playlist to put on repeat for times when you struggle. Preparing for these weak moments with God is a powerful way to speak to yourself when you’re tempted.IN THE MOMENT of temptation, acknowledge it. Be kind to yourself and be curious. Self-compassion and insight give you choices, agency, power. So, ask yourself: What’s going on with you? Comfort yourself at the moment. Self-empathy and understanding are very powerful in the recovery process.Extras:Podcast Episode: “Self-Kindness Heals” Romans 2:4 “Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and long-suffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?”The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence“Do not be discouraged by the resistance you will encounter from your human nature; you must go against your human inclinations. Often, in the beginning, you will think that you are wasting time, but you must go on, be determined, and persevere in it until death, despite all the difficulties.”2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.Matthew 17:20 “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mFree Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)