The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Living with someone with a vulnerable nervous system almost certainly leaves you feeling like you are walking on eggshells.It’s that sense of not knowing what’s going to happen next, having to tread lightly, and being constantly at risk of making a misstep that will trigger the other person. In today’s episode, we are going to break down the neurobiology of walking on eggshells and talk about what you can do to shift out of this pattern- even if you can’t change the other person’s behavior.In this episode, you’ll learnThe neurobiology of that ‘walking on eggshells’ feelingHow to consider the possibility of feeling safe when you are safeThe impossible set-up our brain puts us in that leaves us stuck feeling like we are walking on eggshells- and what to do about itResources mentioned in this podcast:All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}Gratitude For Our Watchdog & Possums Parts {EP 200}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/eggshellsApplications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

In this special 200th episode, we’re exploring how to bring compassion, curiosity, and gratitude to our kids’ (and our own) “Watchdog” and “Possum” parts as overworked companions trying their best to help us survive. With acceptance and understanding, we can help these parts rest and integrate, creating space for true change.We also look at the unique challenges parents face, especially when dealing with intense behaviors, and how building compassion for these protective parts—not the behaviors themselves—can help us navigate parenting with more calm, empathy, and hope. Believe it or not- over time, this practice of seeing our inner worlds differently can transform not only our lives but the lives of our children and our communities.Main Takeaways:Recognize Protective Parts with Compassion: Our “Watchdog” and “Possum” parts, which are defensive instincts, need compassion and gratitude, not elimination. Understanding these parts as overworked rather than problematic can lead to healthier integration and self-acceptance.Parenting from Compassionate Curiosity: Challenging behaviors in children can often lead to frustration. By developing curiosity and compassion for our kids’ protective parts, parents can respond with empathy and help these parts feel safe, which reduces the intensity of the behaviors over time.The Power of Community and Practice: Change takes time and commitment, and practicing compassion and gratitude—even in small amounts—can lead to significant transformations in ourselves, our relationships, and our communities. The journey is gradual, but even small shifts create powerful results.Resources mentioned in this podcast:EVERYONE Has A Watchdog and Possum Brain! {EP 178}All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/gratitudeApplications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Eileen Devine, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in neuroimmune disorders, shares her insights on understanding the brain's role in behavior. She emphasizes that relational skills are brain-based abilities, urging parents to adopt empathy and set boundaries. The conversation delves into the nuances of parenting children with brain-based differences, the importance of collecting evidence to understand behaviors, and the need for community support. Devine also highlights her new podcast aimed at fostering connections for parents facing similar challenges.

In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a comprehensive understanding of making connection a safe experience.In this episode you’ll learn:That providing too much connection can often be overwhelming and feel more like danger than connectionTo titrate connection and supply only as much as the child needs or wantsShowing your child you think of them when are not together like buying their favorite snack, titrates connection by showing that you are thinking of them and you see themResources mentioned in this podcast:Exploring Low Demand Parenting: Shifting Power Dynamics And Nurturing Trust {EP 142}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional4Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child?In this episode you’ll learn:How connection and protection can get tied togetherHow to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your childThe science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your lifeResources mentioned in this podcast:Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {Ep 31}Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {Ep 155}Free Resources - robyngobbel.com/freeresourcesRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppostitional3Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease.In this episode you’ll learn:An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationshipHow to use our grown-up brains to invite connection and cooperationStrategies for creating felt safety in the child's inner worldStrategies for creating felt safety in the child's environmentStrategies for creating felt safety in the relationshipResources mentioned in this podcast:When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}Neuroimmune Disorders And Big, Baffling, Behaviors With Dr. Qazi Javed {Ep 97}What To Do After We Mess Up {Ep 80}Parenting Superpower! X-ray Vision {Ep 13}Self-Compassion Will Change Your Brain {Ep 8}Neuroimmune Podcast Series!~ robyngobbel.com/neuroimmuneseriesRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional2Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways.In this episode you’ll learn:That even oppositional behaviors make total senseSpending a lot of time in protection mode is hard on the bodyChanging the behavior is not the goal- regulation, connection, and felt safety isThe diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder is just a label- we have to stay curious about the causes for treatmentResources mentioned in this podcast:Start Here Podcasts - robyngobbel.com/starthereWhen Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}Connection or Protection {Ep 7}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional1Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Understanding behavior as a reflection of context and experience is key. Delve into how a child's nervous system shapes their emotional responses and behaviors. Discover how past trauma influences present perceptions of safety. Learn about the unique realities of neurodivergent individuals and the importance of acceptance. The conversation highlights the role of connection in reshaping behavior and introduces resources for parents and professionals seeking to foster positive change.

It’s really important to me and my team that you have all the information you might need when making the decision to join The Club- or not.The Club is open for new members now, October 1-8, 2024, and I recorded this episode based on some of the most commonly asked questionsIn this episode, you’ll learnWhat The Club even is and why it’s different than other parenting communitiesWhat’s included in your Club membership (so much!)How easy it is to access and participate in The ClubHow easy it is to step away from The Club whenever you’re readyRead the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/whatsintheclubApplications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Whiplash. You probably know what I mean. You start to be lulled into a life with fewer meltdowns, or less intensity. Then BOOM. An old behavior seems to explode out of nowhere. You’re right back to feeling like everything’s awful or it’ll never get better or you’ll have to live like this forever. You might even be frustrated with yourself that you let yourself ‘relax.’All of these experiences are completely normal for folks who love someone with a chronic condition that occasionally flares- which is what a vulnerable nervous system is.In this episode, you’ll learnThe whiplash and why we feel itWhy our kids seem to attack outta no whereWhy these moments feel like everything is as worse as ever- but it probably isn’tWhy it’s GOOD we can finally rest, even if it does leave us feeling unprotected and whiplashedRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/whiplashApplications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)