The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Children who have experienced trauma often push away connections, which can be disheartening for parents. However, this rejection is a sign of their deep emotional pain rather than a lack of desire for connection. Understanding that connection is crucial for survival can reshape our responses. The discussion emphasizes the importance of empathy, showing that hope exists in these vulnerable situations. Valuable resources and supportive communities are highlighted to help parents navigate the complexities of parenting kids with challenging behaviors.

Meet Marti Smith, an Occupational Therapist and TBRI Practitioner, affectionately known as the Queen of Lycra. In this lively discussion, she delves into how her growth as a connected therapist enhances not only her professional practice but also her family life. Marti shares insights on the vital role of mindfulness and co-regulation in parenting. She underscores the intertwined nature of sensory processing and trauma, advocating for community support and authentic connections in healing journeys. Tune in for a blend of expertise and personal anecdotes!

The good Texas social worker that I was (am???) meant I discovered...and loved...Dr. Brene Brown's work on shame resilience pretty early on.I loved it.  Finally.  A way out of shame!Except...then I stopped loving it.  It seemed I couldn't even do shame resilience right because all the things Dr. Brown talked about weren't helping me.It wasn't that I wasn't doing it right.  It's that there was a missing step.  When I learned about the neurobiology of toxic shame, it began to unlock itself for me, ever so slightly.The science helped me believe "There is nothing wrong with me."  Once I could believe it with my thinking brain, I could begin to explore feeling it.  Without a doubt, that's much harder!  But I'm not sure I would have ever risked that hard work without first understanding the neurobiology of toxic shame.Toxic shame is not uncommon for people, including children, who have experience early trauma, abuse, neglect, and loss.  There is a sense of "I am something very wrong" or even "I exist wrong."  It's not true!  And understanding the mechanisms of toxic shame proves it.The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Lacy Alana beautifully reminds us that we don't have to be perfect.  Our messiness can meet each other's messiness.  We can welcome our kids' messiness, and find the strength to keep welcoming it...even when it seems like nothing is working.  Lacy is a therapist, program developer, trapeze artist, and improv genius who comes to the podcast as an adult who understands childhood trauma because she experienced childhood trauma, including being a youth who was in out-of-home care as a teenager.  Lacy wanted to come on as a person who offers hope for all the parents and professionals out there walking this hard path of caring for a child impacted by trauma.  Find Lacy and all the amazing work she is doing in the world at www.YesAndBrain.com.The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

We all need co-regulation.Me.  You.When our kids are getting dysregulated quickly, flipping their lids a lot, or having mountain reactions out of mole-hill sized problems, what they need is more connection and co-regulation.This is true for grown-ups, too!There is nothing wrong with you because you flip your lid.  Your not a bad parent.  You don't need to doubt your integrity.  You want to stay regulated and present, and you are trying.  If you know how you want to parent but are struggling to actually parent that way, you need more connection and co-regulation.  If your brain stays more integrated and less likely to 'flip it's lid' you'll be able to use all those parenting tools you have stored in your upstairs thinking brain! (In the course, Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain, I call it the Owl brain).In this episode, I normalize the need for co-regulation (nothing to feel ashamed about in being human!) and explore how co-regulation can be active or passive.  Turn to the people who offer you co-regulation!  And if you need support in intentionally cultivating your circle of support, we are waiting for you over in The Club.   Offering connection and co-regulation is the explicit purpose of The Club.  Sure, we offer parenting tools too, and create a space to really explore the model of providing regulation, connection, and felt-safety to support our kid with their challenging behaviors.  But The Club is so much more than that.  It's a space for you to be seen, felt, and known.  It's a space to undo aloneness.  CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new membersThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

I'm so pleased to introduce you to Karen Buckwalter!  She is out in the world doing amazing things to support the families of kids impacted by trauma, including training up new clinicians as a Theraplay trainer and consultant, writing books for both therapists (Attachment Theory in Action) and parents (Raising the Challenging Child), and interviewing guests who are at the top of our field on her pocast, Attachment Theory in Action.  Karen and I met online- where so many relationships are now nurtured, and have grown to develop deep respect for the work we are each doing.  I love that I get to show you how many people are out there in the world, doing good important work for families of kids impacted by trauma- and absolutely loving the work they do.Karen's newest book, Raising the Challenging Child, has 30 chapters organized into three pillars:1. Be a Leader2. Dig Deeper3. Prepare for SuccessShe prioritized writing a book that was practical, accessible, easy-to-read and easy-to-implement.The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parents of kids with a history of relational and complex trauma are some of the loneliness people I’ve ever known.The loneliness of parenting becomes compounded when the loneliness isn’t seen.The loneliness is traumatic.  It leaves an imprint on our spirits that wreaks havoc on our health (physical and mental) and our relationships (with others, and with ourself).Undoing aloneness is one of the most important ways professionals and helpers can support parents of children impacted by trauma.Parents- it's important to find spaces where you can be fully welcomed, seen, and known.  Friends, partners, therapists, support groups- face to face connections are life-changing of course, but the pandemic has taught us that even virtual connection changes the brain.Undoing Aloneness is one of the primary reasons I created The Club- a virtual community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids impacted by trauma, and the professionals who adore them.  CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new membersOver on my website, you can also read and share a blog about Undoing Aloneness.The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Jessica Sinarski stays very busy making an impact wherever she can.  Jessica trains educators, parents, and professionals- helping them move beyond trauma informed.  Jessica is the founder of Brave Brains, an organization that provides resources and education for professionals, and is the author of two amazing children's books.  Jessica has a lot of ways she's impacting the world and we get to hear about some of the amazing things she's doing.  Jessica and I also have the opportunity to talk about lifting the shame for struggling parents and validating the experience of blocked care.  Hearing how Jessica passionately advocates for what parents need so that they can parent the way they want is a tremendous sigh of relief.  There's no room for blame or shame- just understanding the brain and approaching ourselves and each other with curiosity and compassion.You will want to check out all the amazingness Jessica is doing out in the world.  Brave Brains Resources and education for professionals (including educators)Moving Beyond Trauma Informed training for professionalsRiley the Brain Jessica's first children's book What's Inside Your Backpack Jessica's newest children's book!The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Or mad? Or scared? Or overwhelmed? Or shut-down?Why do I make a mountain out of a mole hill?  Why can’t I keep it together?  Being ignored (or yelled at or cussed at or disrespected or refusing to eat or do a chore or or or or the list is endless) is never going to feel good.  But- have you ever wondered why your brain goes into full on attacking watch dog mode when the reality is- refusing to do a chore, go to school, or even being ignored or yelled at, isn’t life threatening?If it isn’t life threatening, why does our brain go to attack mode?We talk about two reasons in today's episode:Decreased window of stress toleranceImplicit memory awakenings***************I talk about a LOT of resources in this episode!Blog articles:Finding PlayfulnessSelf-CompassionNo Behavior is Maladaptive The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Hang on...today's episode is waaaaay different.  I wanted to feel more connected to you.  So I started with inviting you to feel more connected to me.  I asked my dear friend Anne- author, writing coach, and adoptee, to interview ME.I gave her no rules, no script, and no agenda except that I wanted you to get to know me better.We walk down a little of different paths together in this episode- we talk about how structure creates felt-safety and a little bit of what it's like to live in my (loud, talkative, energetic, full of feelings) family.  We talk about what I've learned about real life from taking aerial silks, my not-so-secret obsession with a pop star, and curiosity.It was more vulnerable that I expected, and for surprising reasons.  I worried my life sounded too good. Anne and I laughed about that because she is one of the few people who know just how hard life has been lately.  And yet at the same time, it is good.  Really good.  Both are true.  Things are hard, chaotic, and out of my control to change.  And still really, really, good.  It's possible.  It's been possible in my family, and it's possible in yours, too.The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)