The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Discover essential strategies for parenting children struggling with chronic dysregulation. Key topics include the importance of meeting basic needs like food and movement, establishing structure and predictability, and the necessity of parental presence. The discussion emphasizes the link between a parent’s self-care and their ability to nurture their child effectively. Gain practical tips to create a supportive environment that encourages emotional regulation for both parents and children.

Felt-safety is crucial for parenting children affected by trauma, yet it's often misunderstood. The brain constantly assesses safety based on past experiences and present cues. This dynamic is particularly important for caregivers, as their emotional awareness can significantly influence a child’s sense of security. Discover how to create nurturing environments that promote well-being and learn the interplay between personal emotions and external influences. Understanding these concepts can transform relationships and improve parental responses.

It's hard to write a summary of this episode because it is so rich with goodness.Mark Vatsaas is a dad and parent coach for parents of kids with challenging behaviors.  He's compassionate, clear, articulate, and has a knack for seeing straight through to the heart of the manner (that's my observation of him!!)There are so many brilliant sound bytes in this episode.  It's long but you are going to want to listen to the whole thing.Mark gives us a peek into his process as a parent coach and describes how he often sees these four themes emerge in his work with struggling parents:1. Attachment and our drive for survival2. How our emotions help us navigate our world3. Defendedness 4. How parents show up- and specifically how they send cues of safety and connection to their childrenThere are a few tears, some laughter, and by the end you will understand by Mark's business is called Seen and Heard.  Just listening to this episode will help you feel both seen and heard.  Promise.To learn more about Mark's work, head to www.SeenandHeard.coach.  He offers a free 90 minute consultation for parents- no obligation to schedule any additional sessions.  The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

The podcast explores lying as a trauma-driven behavior, discussing the complexities and challenges parents face. It emphasizes understanding the motivations behind lying, the impact of trauma on behavior, and the need for regulation, connection, and felt safety. The chapter descriptions include reflections on personal experiences with lying, the importance of creating felt safety in relationships, and upcoming resources for supporting parenting kids impacted by trauma.

My first podcast interview!!!  And I tell you what- I chose wisely :)  Eileen is a gem and you'll adore her.Eileen is a social worker and parent coach for parents of kids with brain-based difference that have challenging behavioral symptoms.  AWESOME, right?Over the years, Eileen has become a good friend and close colleague.  She is doing life-changing work with the families who work with her in her Brain First Parenting Program and Resilience Room.  I can't wait for you to meet her!Check out all the goodness Eileen offers to the world at https://www.eileendevine.com/ and sign up for her free webinar on the Brain First Parenting model.The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Hear me out....If I were in charge of giving out superpowers for parents, especially parents of kids with a history of trauma, I'd give you x-ray vision.Attachment research is clear about the power of x-ray vision (except they call is reflective functioning and mentalizing).  It is a powerful ingredient of secure attachment.In today's episode we will explore what kinds of things x-ray vision would tell us about our children and their behaviors and why it matters.It matters.  A lot.  Seeing through behaviors to what's underneath is one of the most important skills you could have as a parent!Since I'm not in charge of hanging out superpowers (yet) we'll have to settle for continued blogs, podcasts, and courses that help you put on your own x-ray vision goggles to see what's underneath your child's behaviors!Would you rather read about X-Ray vision goggles?  Head over to my blog! https://robyngobbel.com/xrayvision/The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

What if I told you the science is very clear- that our kids do not need perfect parents.  Not only that, but perfect parenting would be bad for them!It might seem great in theory if we could always meet our kids needs.  It might sound great in theory if someone else could always meet our needs!  But when a relationship has a rupture- the next thing that can happen is the repair.Repair is like drizzled honey.  Repair is like nestling into the most magically comfortable bed ever created.  Repair is where it's at.In this episode, we get really clear about why you can rest into self-compassion after you've had a 'not my finest parenting moment' with your child.  (And for some tips on self-compassion, check out episode 8).  Self-compassion is necessary in order to take the first steps toward repair and there is so much power in repair!!If you love this episode, you can check out the blog article! https://robyngobbel.com/imperfectparenting/The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

You've heard me say "Changing How We See People Changes People."  Let's talk about how I know this is true.  It helps us understand why understanding the theory is a 'technique' and why staying regulated 'is a technique' that creates real, true change.  We come to know who we are through the eyes of the other.  Let's teach our children they are precious and full of infinite worth.  Even when their behaviors are difficult.In the episode, I reference episode 2- No Behavior is Maladaptive- as well as a blog article by the same name.  You can read that blog article here: https://robyngobbel.com/maladaptiveThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parenting can feel chaotic, especially when kids have meltdowns. Discover how emotional regulation is contagious and why parents must stay grounded to help their children feel safe. Learn practical strategies for managing stress in the moment, emphasizing the importance of connection and community support. Explore the impact of co-regulation and self-compassion in navigating the challenges of parenting, especially for children with trauma backgrounds. Lastly, find out how a supportive community can bolster resilience in parents.

Self-regulation is a crucial developmental milestone and I’m thrilled that we are turning our eyes toward self-regulation instead of staying focused on behavior modification through rewards and consequences.  At the same time, we must remember that self-regulation is developed through repeated and regular experiences of co-regulation with an attuned, regulated, present caregiver.  If children are struggling to use their self-regulation skills, it’s quite possible that they aren’t regulated enough to access those skills.  They are getting dysregulated too quickly and need co-regulation before they can be expected to use skills on their own.  It is these experiences of coregulation that build the neural circuity for what is ultimately labeled self-regulation...so you don’t need to worry that the continued offering of co-regulation will impede the development of self-regulation- it’s exactly the opposite!!!The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)