The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ah yes.  The dreaded flop.When our kids are toooooo exhausted to do a request or a chore.What do we do?!?!Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As!  I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.Have a question?  Leave me a voice message over at https://robyngobbel.com/podcastLook for the box that says "Send me a question!" Hit the button and record your question right on my website.  Easy peasy!See you next week!The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Every day, I connect with parents in my inbox, in social media, in The Club who are struggling and confused by conflicting parenting advice.Parenting kids with big baffling behaviors is nothing if it’s not extremely confusing.And when experts give conflicting advice, it’s extra confusing.Parent experts who only teach “what to do” don’t solve the real problem.I know it might sound exhausting but the only person who can become an expert at your kid is you.Learn from the experts.  But learn the science of behavior.  Learn the why.  When you know the why, when you understand what behavior really is and the science of safety, you’ll be able to figure out how to approach any behavior.Read a long summary of this episode here:  https://robyngobbel.com/nomoreparentexpertsThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Sarah Bren, PhD is a clinical psychologist and mom to two little ones in upstate New York where she loves to work with new parents, especially parents who want to parent differently than they were parented.  Dr. Bren developed an interest in working with parents when she became a parent herself.  She was learning about parenting and parenting models and realized that so much of what she was reading This insight sparked Dr. Bren’s interest in working with parents with the goal of helping parents break generational patterns and hopefully reduce the number of adults who have to heal from their childhoods.In this episode, Dr. Bren and I explore:What is secure attachmentIs there a check-list? What is it?How do I work toward secure attachment with my child?Can I still do that even if my child is older or an adult?The importance of curiosity in secure attachmentFind Dr. Sarah BrenFollow Dr. Bren on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drsarahbren/Listen to Dr. Bren’s podcast: https://drsarahbren.com/category/podcast/Listen to when I was a guest on Dr. Bren’s podcast: https://drsarahbren.com/26-redefining-trauma-informed-parenting-how-parents-can-utilize-this-framework-for-all-children/Check our Dr. Bren’s parent course: https://drsarahbren.com/tapRead a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Discover the fascinating blend of self-acceptance and behavioral change, where embracing who you are can lead to real transformation. Delve into the science behind parenting challenges and the importance of community support. Engage with stories of personal growth, highlighting compassion as a crucial element in understanding children's behaviors. Learn practical tips for navigating the complex journey from maladaptive behaviors to meaningful connections, all underscored by insights from relational neuroscience.

Hear me out....If I were in charge of giving out superpowers for parents, especially parents of kids with a history of trauma, I'd give you x-ray vision.Attachment research is clear about the power of x-ray vision (except they call is reflective functioning and mentalizing).  It is a powerful ingredient of secure attachment.In today's episode we will explore what kinds of things x-ray vision would tell us about our children and their behaviors and why it matters.It matters.  A lot.  Seeing through behaviors to what's underneath is one of the most important skills you could have as a parent!Since I'm not in charge of hanging out superpowers (yet) we'll have to settle for continued blogs, podcasts, and courses that help you put on your own x-ray vision goggles to see what's underneath your child's behaviors!***********************Would you rather read about X-Ray vision goggles?  Head over to my blog! https://robyngobbel.com/xrayvision/Wonder what all this talk is about Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety?  Watch my free masterclass!  https://robyngobbel.com/masterclassUnderstanding the impact of trauma on memory will also help you put on your x-ray vision goggles for some of those most baffling behaviors!  Check our my free video series and ebook: https://robyngobbel.com/videoseriesReady to dive deeper and practice putting on those x-ray vision goggles while also getting practical tools on how to create behavior change through regulation, connection, and felt-safety?  Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain is a comprehensive online parent course  https://robyngobbel.com/parentcourseThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Lisa Dion, a licensed professional counselor and creator of Synergetic Play Therapy, challenges the notion that calmness should be the ultimate goal in parenting. She discusses how regulation doesn't equate to calm and shares the risks of pretending to be calm, especially when handling children with trauma. Lisa emphasizes the importance of emotional congruency—being honest about feelings like anger while still maintaining a sense of safety. Dive into this enlightening conversation on navigating the complexities of emotional regulation for better connections with children.

You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma?  Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???”Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious.What if I told you it doesn’t matter?Hear me out.Why do you want to figure that out?  Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situation different based on the answer.But actually, it doesn’t matter. And it’s impossible to determine anyway.What you really want to think about is- how dysregulated is my child?And then respond to that!!  There are some core truths about humans- regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well.  So if you’re child isn’t doing well- ask yourself if this is about regulation, connection, felt-safety or some combination of those.Then, based on your child’s level of arousal/dysregulation, you can intervene in a way that will calm their arousal and bring back their owl brain.   I explore this in depth in today’s episode!  If you want to learn more about this way of looking at behaviors, watch this free masterclass online  www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass********************This paradigm shift will change everything you know about parenting.  Really, everything you know about being human!  In my nine-module in-depth parent course, you’ll go further in the why behind behaviors and then I fill your toolbox with lots of idea on what exactly to do when faced with difficult behavior (as well as how to avoid them occurring in the first place).www.RobynGobbel.com/parentcourseYou can also The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

How do we not flip our lids when our kids are going bananas?  It's HARD.  Because dysregulation is quite literally contagious!!  And if we flip our lids too then it's usually pretty hard to deescalate the situation.   Offering connection, regulation, and felt-safety to our kids is a lot easier if we don't flip our lids! (Although for sure- perfection in parenting is never ever ever required and sometimes, I flip my lid, too!)In this episode, we will look at steps you can take- IN THE MOMENT- of a stressful parenting experience (assuming no one is in literal danger!) that will help you stay regulated (not calm!) so you can tackle the real problem.  The real problem is probably your child's regulation, connection, and/or felt-safety!***********************You can read a blog article that has all the steps written out here (sometimes it's easier to remember things in writing!): www.RobynGobbel.com/notflippingyourlidIf you are new to this model of brain-based parenting, you can watch my free 45 minute masterclass on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety here: www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclassCome join a community of parents committed to connection and co-regulation- not just with their kids but with each other!!!  We need connection and co-regulation to parent the way we want to- just like our kids need connection and co-regulation. CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new membersThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons.  #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science.  #2- Self-compassion has tenacity.  There's no way out.  Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion.  I love that about self-compassion (probably because people describe me as tenacious- especially, relationally). In this episode, we will explore the science of self-compassion.  We'll look at why compassion is the neurobiology of change.  Why you deserve compassion.  Why compassion is how the brain heals and changes.  Compassion can feel risky- and I'll give you the science that might help you feel safe enough to take the vulnerable step toward self-compassion.To read more about self-compassion, visit robyngobbel.com/selfcompassionTo learn about The Club- a a virtual community of  parents of kids who have experienced trauma will offer connection, co-regulation, and compassion to each other, visit robyngobbel.com/theclubAnd to begin your journey into brain-based parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety with my free masterclass, head over to robyngobbel.com/masterclassThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Or mad? Or scared? Or overwhelmed? Or shut-down?Why do I make a mountain out of a mole hill?  Why can’t I keep it together?  Being ignored (or yelled at or cussed at or disrespected or refusing to eat or do a chore or or or or the list is endless) is never going to feel good.  But- have you ever wondered why your brain goes into full on attacking watch dog mode when the reality is- refusing to do a chore, go to school, or even being ignored or yelled at, isn’t life threatening?If it isn’t life threatening, why does our brain go to attack mode?We talk about two reasons in today's episode:Decreased window of stress toleranceImplicit memory awakenings***************I talk about a LOT of resources in this episode!Blog articles:Finding PlayfulnessSelf-CompassionNo Behavior is Maladaptive The free video series on Trauma, Memory, and Behavior will take you further into understanding the impact of implicit memory on your kid's behavior AND yours!robyngobbel.com/videoseriesAnother awesome way to widen your window of stress tolerance is to come join the most amazing group of parents you could ever hope to find!  It will decrease your sense of aloneness and increase your sense of connection and regulation- all of which will dramatically increase your window of stress tolerance! This (and MORE) can be accessed as the part of The Club Learning Libraries for Club members. CLICK HERE to read about The Club and add yourself to the waiting list to be notified the next time the Club opens!The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)