SuperPsyched with Dr. Adam Dorsay

Perfectionism. It can have its upsides and can catapult us to new heights. But it can also be stifling, cause pain to the perfectionist, and can cause pain to everyone around the perfectionist. Many people who are perfectionists may not even realize it. What is perfectionism, and why does it exist? What are the upsides and downsides? What effects can it have on an organization at work? And what effects can it have on life outside of work? How can the supervisor of someone who is hampered by perfectionism address their employee? Dr. Greg Chasson (https://voices.uchicago.edu/gchasson/) is a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago Medical School. He has written a book on perfectionism in the workplace that I absolutely loved. Flawed is well researched, full of useful instruction, and really fun to read. So, listen in as Greg and I talk about perfectionism, how it can affect perfectionists and those around them, and what can be done about it.

Do you remember your 20s? Perhaps you are in your 20s! Regardless, for most of us, our 20s featured a different series of challenges than our teen years did. For many of us, we were just getting started with serious work, just getting started with serious relationships, and, oh, I don’t know, trying to figure out the rest of our lives. Many of us traveled hoping to figure out who we were. Many of us were depressed and lonely. Many of us thought there was something profoundly wrong with us. But as I have learned, there was generally nothing really wrong with us. We were in our 20s and that’s what that decade is like; it’s turbulent. There are a lot of books on early childhood, late childhood, early adolescence, late adolescence, and books on various other stages of life including middle age and older age. However, there haven't been many books specifically looking at the decade known as our 20s. That's where the guest on this episode comes in and, wow, how badly do I wish I had known during my 20’s the information we’re discussing! Dr. Meg Jay (https://megjay.com/)  is a psychologist who specializes in treating people in their 20s. She’s written three outstanding books, and I cannot begin to tell you how much I love them! They include The Defining Decade, Supernormal, and her latest, The Twenty Something Treatment. Her books have received accolades high and low from the New Yorker, Slate.com, Adam Grant, and so many thought leaders it’s like a giant Meg Jay parade of fans. If there were such a parade, I’d definitely be in it and imagine that you will end up feeling similarly. So, listen in as Meg and I talk about twenty somethings and what they need to know.

The current estimation that a marriage in the US will end in divorce is somewhere between 43 to 45%. Divorce is also regularly cited as the second highest life stressor for Americans, just below the death of a spouse.Given the high incidence of divorce paired with the degree of stress it can incur, it’s a good idea to know more about it. One of the top psychology experts in the field of divorce and child custody is my colleague, Dr. Michael Kerner (https://kernerevals.com/). Mike has performed over 450 child custody evaluations, and has practiced forensic psychology since 1986. Mike is the recipient of multiple awards including California Psychological Association’s Distinguished Contribution to Psychology in 2018. Mike has been a mentor to many colleagues and certainly to me. His wisdom and gentle way of conveying it shows up in this interview. So, listen in, as a top child custody evaluator talks about divorce. Sources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201702/what-is-the-divorce-rate-really https://www.dartmouth.edu/eap/library/lifechangestresstest.pdf

Cancer. The “C” word. The disease that is so feared, people often whisper it in sentences. Yet, according to recent statistics, nearly 40% of us will be diagnosed with some form of cancer in our lifetimes. With numbers this high, it behooves us to know more about this feared disease. I was recently captivated by an article written by a colleague, describing her own experience with cancer and I asked her to talk about it on this podcast. Dr. Anna Lock (https://cbtcarolina.com/cbt-therapist-north-carolina/) is a fellow psychologist in private practice and she serves as the Clinical Director at Psychotherapy Networker. I’m grateful to her for all she shared on this episode.  Anna was diagnosed with cancer while she was a mom of a young child. She describes her experiences and identifies many of the services that are sorely lacking by the systems that treat people with cancer. She also offers insights and advice for people who are currently dealing with cancer or who are in remission from it. Her insight is similarly valuable for those of us who love someone at any stage with the disease. So, listen in as Anna and I talk about a psychologist’s experience with cancer.  Source: https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/understanding/statistics

Imagine two students in college: one is a gay male, and the other is a straight super jock. The gay male is quiet and introverted, and the straight guy is extraverted to the point of being loud and into the old joke of throwing something at a person and shouting, “think fast!” Can you imagine these two guys being friends? How about dear friends for 40 years? Let's make it a little more interesting still: the straight guy would become a high achieving Navy SEAL. And he would also be the one to help his gay friend express his emotions more fully. Will Schwalbe wrote a beautiful memoir chronicling his friendship with Chris Maxey and very intimate details of how each man supported the other. The book is called We Should NOT Be Friends and it has received acclaim from seemingly every major news outlet and was even named a New Yorker Best Book of the Year. Those of you who know me know that I care a great deal about friendship. And this book hit a grand slam. So, I can't wait for you to hear my conversation with Will Schwalbe as we talk about friendship.

Back in the 90’s when email was still new, one of the first viral emails I received was a commencement address to a group of high school students. The person who delivered that address was Guy Kawasaki. Guy is very well known and, for those of you who don't know him, you are about to hear from a man who has done a lot with his life so far. He worked closely with Steve Jobs as one of the Apple employees originally in charge of marketing the Macintosh. He would go on to writing 16 books, work as a venture capitalist, sit on the Wikimedia Foundation board of trustees, and become the chief evangelist for Canva. He is also a husband, father, and later in life became a hockey player and a surfer. He started surfing at 60. If you look at his Wikipedia page, you will see that it reads like the story of a renaissance man living in Silicon Valley. Guy has been a hero of mine for some time and I finally got to meet him when I was emceeing the Palo Alto TEDx event where he was one of the speakers. Guy crushed it on stage but, as you’ll learn, he had no real way of knowing because he is deaf. Guy is the host of the Remarkable People podcast and his newest book is called Think Remarkable. The book is outstanding with a foreword by Jane Goodall and it has received praise from many greats including Carol Dweck and Robert Cialdini. You’ll hear all kinds of wisdom from this wise man (coincidentally, the title of his autobiography is Wise Guy and it’s one of my all-time favorite memoirs). And a key takeaway is something I believe we all want to learn: how to be remarkable.

Anyone who is a parent knows that parenting can be really hard. But, fear not, help is here! This episode unpacks a great parenting style that encourages children to be autonomous, able to relate to people well, and instills confidence by allowing the child to feel a strong, realistic sense of competence. This type of parenting is brilliant. When I read the guest’s book, I had that nagging thought of, “I wish this book had been around before I had kids so I could have read it and we all could have benefitted!” Turns out, it’s not too late. I still can and so can you! As many of you know, there have been many trends in parenting over the years, some that are still seen as having positive attributes, some that we wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pool these days. And others, which had once been popular, have been shown through research to be ill-advised. However, the advice from this guest has over 30 years of research backing it, and my guest is none other than Dr. Emily Edlynn (https://www.emilyedlynnphd.com/). Emily has written a book called Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent, Confident Children. I love this book and I am not alone.  SuperPsyched guest and brilliant author Melinda Wenner Moyer said of Emily’s book, “It’s not just useful—it’s a must-read.” Agreed 100%, Melinda! So, listen in as Emily shares the importance of autonomy-supported parenting, and why it’s not too late to incorporate it into your parenting.

If you’re a listener of this podcast, you probably have figured out that I am a huge fan of improv. In fact, this is my third improv-related episode! Each has been unique and has brought its own gifts—and, as you’ll soon hear, this one delivers big. Author and Stanford Emerita in Theater and Performance Studies, Patricia Ryan Madson wrote a book I loved book so much I listened to it twice! It’s called Improv Wisdom: Don't Prepare, Just Show Up. SuperPsyched guest and world-famous Stanford Psychology Professor Emeritus, Dr. Philip Zimbardo said, “Her students often describe her as a ‘goddess,’ but that may be an understatement. I rejoice that her wisdom is now available to new audiences.”  Indeed, Patricia offers improv tips that relate to real life whether you practice improv or not. The skills she shares and endorses can dramatically improve your at-work and at-home lives if you put them into play. So, listen in as Patricia shares improv wisdom!

Many of us have behaviors we'd LOVE to change. But many of those stubborn behaviors are hard to alter. And if we want our behavior to change, we probably won't do it just because someone else tells us to. When that's the case, the person whose voice matters most is our own. That is why I'm so happy I had the opportunity to talk with Dr. Michelle Drapkin (https://cbtcenterofcentralnj.com/dr michelle-drapkin/ about her latest book that involves one of my favorite advances in psychology. You've heard me geek out to it and it's called Motivational Interviewing. Her book is called The Motivational Interviewing Path to Personal Change: The Essential Workbook for Creating the Life You Want. I loved the book and I'm hardly alone. Accolades have come far and wide from the co-originator of Motivational Interviewing, Dr. Bill Miller, as well as the originator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dr. Stephen Hayes. One of my favorite raves came from SuperPsyched guest, Dr. Jill Stoddard who said, "Drapkin has come to the rescue... Her guidance is clear, enthusiastic, and most of all... motivating! I highly recommend this book for anyone who is thinking about making a change and could use a wise guide to help show the way. So, listen in as Michelle and I talk about the power of Motivational Interviewing.

Imagine you are an athlete at the Olympics. You have trained for years and years. You have dreamed of this moment. Your entire country is watching you, cheering for you, even praying that you will win. There is a lot of pressure and so much riding on your performance. But you have trained for thousands of hours and everything rests on this moment. There is noise and energy coming from the audience. And because you are a fighter, your opponent wants to destroy you. How do you find your focus? It is one thing to talk about mindfulness and the power of therapy in everyday life. But putting these to the test in this scenario is an entirely different ball game.  Most of us will never experience what I just described, but my guest on this episode did just that. And as you’ll hear, mindfulness, therapy and, of course, spectacular amounts of practice and preparation made a big difference. Ori Sasson is a two-time bronze medalist at the Olympics where he competed on behalf of Israel. I would describe Ori as a gentle giant. And Ori has explored his sensitivity and anxiety through therapy and found ways to channel these qualities to find greater strength inside and outside of Judo competition. As you’ll hear Ori is generous in sharing his recipe for success. And sadly, as of this recording, rockets are flying over Israel. Ori and I were meant to meet four weeks ago, but he needed to cancel due to these rockets and he nearly needed to cancel our interview today for the second time due to their persistent presence. In spite of these challenges and his WiFi being down, he found a way to make it to the interview. Today, Ori uses the knowledge he gained from Judo competition to assist company employees to find success. So, listen in as Ori shares his secrets for success inside and outside the ring.